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Ski and Snowboard Jokes

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 
Don't know if this has been done before, but I thought a ski / snowboard joke thread might be fun. Everyone might just learn a good joke for the lift ride.

I will go first. Both of these were told to me by an instructor at Jay Peak last year.

How many extreme skiers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only one, everyone else stands back to watch and says, "I could have done that!"

biggrin.gifbiggrin.gifbiggrin.gif

What do you call a male snowboarder without a girlfriend?

Homeless!

biggrin.gifbiggrin.gifbiggrin.gif

Let's here yours.

Rick G
post #2 of 24

first EXTREME skiers screw in hottubs not light bulbs.

 

 

 

 

What's the difference between a ski instructor and God?

 

God doesnt think he is a ski instructor.

 

post #3 of 24


 

Quote:
What do you call a male snowboarder without a girlfriend?
Homeless!

I've read the same joke in a piano/keyboard forum I frequent, but instead of a snowboarder the guy is a drummer!

post #4 of 24

So there's this Dirty Old Ski Bum.  And like all Dirty Old Ski Bums, he dies and goes to Hell.  So he's walking around Hell looking for something to do and eventually he runs into the Devil.  The Devil walks up to him and says "Son, you've lived a life full of debauchery, and the way I see it, you have two options for how you want to spend eternity.  Now you don't need to make up your mind immediately, but I'm going to let you choose your fate.  You see those two doors over there?  Behind those two doors you'll get a glimpse of your options.  Go on ahead over there and look behind those doors.  Once you've made up your mind you come on back over here and let me know, and that will be how you spend the rest of your days."

 

So the Dirty Old Ski Bum walks over and peeks behind door number 1, and he sees himself getting lost in the fog, and falling off a cliff, landing in a rock garden, over and over again.  Quickly he slams the door shut and shutters.  "No way I want to spend eternity doing that" mutters the Dirty Old Ski Bum.

 

So he optimistically peeks behind door number 2, and sees himself falling into a bottomless crevasse.  Each time he blacks out in terror only to wake up and fall into another crevasse.  The Dirty Old Ski Bum slams door number 2 shut faster than the first and sinks to his knees wondering what to do.

 

As he sat there reminiscing about the shenanigans that got him here in the first place, he noticed a 3rd door out of the corner of his eye.  The Dirty Old Ski Bum makes his way over thinking nothing could be worse than the other two.  As he opens door number 3, he sees himself getting laid with countless College Snow Bunnies between the ages of 19 and 22 1/2.  Everywhere he went...the hot tub, the gondola, the ski chalet, even in the patrol shack...the Snow Bunnies were sure to follow.

 

The Dirty Old Ski Bum overjoyed, runs back to the Devil and says "Devil!  I've made my decision!  I would like to spend all eternity behind door number 3!"  The Devil heartily laughs at the Dirty Old Ski Bum and says to him "Son, you can't have what's behind door number 3...That's Snow Bunny Hell!"

post #5 of 24
Thread Starter 
Now that is funny! biggrin.gif

Keep the jokes coming!

Rick G
post #6 of 24


Hows LVL 3 treating you???devil.gif
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by BushwackerinPA View Post

first EXTREME skiers screw in hottubs not light bulbs.

 

 

 

 

What's the difference between a ski instructor and God?

 

God doesnt think he is a ski instructor.

 

post #7 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Boot View Post


Hows LVL 3 treating you???devil.gif
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by BushwackerinPA View Post

first EXTREME skiers screw in hottubs not light bulbs.

 

 

 

 

What's the difference between a ski instructor and God?

 

God doesnt think he is a ski instructor.

 


 

 

really good.

 

the joke is a crack at myself as well as other......
 

post #8 of 24


I saw that and you just know I shared it with the Wife !! LOL
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by BushwackerinPA View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Boot View Post


Hows LVL 3 treating you???devil.gif
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by BushwackerinPA View Post

first EXTREME skiers screw in hottubs not light bulbs.

 

 

 

 

What's the difference between a ski instructor and God?

 

God doesnt think he is a ski instructor.

 


 

 

really good.

 

the joke is a crack at myself as well as other......
 

post #9 of 24

Here is an old ski joke:

16 steps to follow in preparation for this year's ski season :

16. Visit your local butcher and pay $75 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a few of hours. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.

15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.

14. Fasten a small, wide rubberband around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.

13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.

12. Throw a $100 bill away - right now.

11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.

10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.

8. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.

7. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.

6. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket, zip it up, and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.

5. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18-wheeler.

4. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes. Do this in the walk-in cooler if possible.

3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.

2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.

1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing!

post #10 of 24

How do you know a ski instructor is at your party?

 

He will tell you!

 

-- A

post #11 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ahalls View Post

How do you know a ski instructor is at your party?

 

He will tell you!

 

-- A


Too funny, but true! biggrin.gif Even if they were a ski intstuctor for only one season babysitting kids on a bunny hill 20 years ago they will say, "Yeah, I used to be a ski instructor." when ever the subject of skiing comes up.

Rick G
post #12 of 24

What's the difference between a pizza and a ski instructor?

 

A pizza can feed a family of four.

post #13 of 24

What did the park rat get on his IQ test?

 

 

 

Drool

post #14 of 24
I've totally heard these jokes before, and I'm from Jay! biggrin.gif
post #15 of 24

I've been posting a bunch of great (really bad) Ski Instructor, Snowboarder, Snow, and Ice Jokes and puns on Twitter ... #snowjokes.   Been getting loads in return ...  snowman caticism:

 

What did the snowman have for breakfast?  Ice Crispies ...

What did the snowman have for lunch?  Ice Burg'ers 

Where does the snowman keep his money?  The snow bank ...

 

I could go on with the least amount of prompting ...  The under 8 yo crowed really likes them in my ski lessons ... 

 

-- A

post #16 of 24

What's the difference between a pizza and a ski instructor?

 

 

 

 

Thumbs Up:)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

บทความดีๆจากเบอร์มงคล

post #17 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miclink View Post

What's the difference between a pizza and a ski instructor?




icon14.gifsmile.gif







บทความดีๆจากเบอร์มงคล

Pizza can feed a family of four.
post #18 of 24

OK one of MY favorites....

 

 

Q: How does a snowboarder introduce himself??

 

A: "Sorry dude!!!"

 

 

 

 

(I could not help it)

post #19 of 24

Oldie but goodie.

 

If you're at a party and there is one ski instructor there, how will you know who it is?

 

Don't worry they'll tell you.

post #20 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZrxMan01 View Post
 

OK one of MY favorites....

 

 

Q: How does a snowboarder introduce himself??

 

A: "Sorry dude!!!"

 

 

 

 

(I could not help it)

 

One hit me once and stopped and apologized by saying:

 

"Sorry dude, want to smoke a bowl?"

post #21 of 24

What's the difference between a CD and a ski instructor?  A CD eventually matures and earns money.

post #22 of 24

OK I am now donning my flameproof suit.......

Here we go....

 

 

40 Things you will never hear from a snowboarder….

 

 

 

40. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen. 

39. I'll take Shakespeare for a thousand, Alex. 

38. Dude! Duct tape won't fix that. 

37. Hey, Brittaney? I think we should sell the ricer and buy a minivan. 

36. Come to think of it, I'll have a martini. 

35. We don't keep weed in this house. 

34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer? 

33. You can't feed that to the dog. 

32. I thought the “X” Games were tacky. 

31. No riders in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe. 

30. I would NEVER stop in the middle of a trail…That’s just bad form. 

29. Hey, Brittaney, Did you mail in our medical insurance? 

28. I follow the “Skier’s responsibility code” to a “T”. 

27. Do you think my pants are too baggy? 

26. I'll have grapefruit and whole wheat toast instead of the Red Bull and cheese doodles. 

25. Listen, Brittaney. I love animals too, but we just don't need another dog. 

24. Who gives a damn about skateboarding? Let's watch the Presidential debates! 

23. Give me the small vegetarian pizza. 

22. Nope. I’m going to have to say quits after this nose ring. Ten piercings are enough for any man. 

21. Smoking weed is such a nasty habit. 

20. I just couldn't find a single t-shirt at the board shop today. 

19. I wonder if I can get a quieter stereo? 

18. Hand me that Thesaurus over there. 

17. The 
tires on that Subaru are too big. 

16. "My buds and I really shouldn’t stop 5 wide at the start of a trail." 

15. I've upped my contribution to my 401K. 

14. Cabernet just tastes better. 

13. Wyoming is too far to drive to. 

12. I really don’t need another hoodie. 

11. Skateboarding Magazine? No, I subscribe to National Geographic. 

10. I shaved my beard because it made me look like an inbred redneck hill scoggin. 

9. Checkmate. 

8. That kid is too little for me to run into. 

7. Cleanliness is next to godliness. 

6. Hey, here's an episode of "Beavis and Butthead” that we haven't seen. 

5. Does this “Where’s Waldo” hat make my nose look too big? 

4. I'd like to open this annual meeting of the International Neurosurgery Association with a poem written by Robert Frost ... 

3. I’m thinking of moving out of my parent’s house. 

2. I ALWAYS carve my turns and never side scrape the entire hill. 

... and the number one thing you will never hear a snow boarder say: 

 


1. No more for me. I'm Boardin'!

post #23 of 24
When I was on my level 2 course, my examiner had a good one...


What's the difference between a ski school snake and a regular snake?


The a**hole is at the back in a regular snake.
post #24 of 24


Not a joke, but the humorous last words of Stan Laurel (1890-1965), the slender half of Laurel & Hardy:

 

Hardy: "I wish I was skiing"

 

Nurse: "Are you a skier, Mr. Laurel?"

 

Hardy: "I'm not, but I'd rather be doing that than having these needles stuck in me".

 

A few minutes later he died.

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