A BOOK REPORT--"My First SkeBook (TM)--Upright Performance (TM) to make me SAFETY-HAPPY, forever!"
OK--this is WAY TOO FUNNY!
They actually DID get back to me with my own personal password, so I could download THE Ske-Book 2.7.03. Which I did. And--this is unbelievable! I haven't seen such verbose ignorance about skiing and teaching since the dubious Bill West's "Distinctive Skiing" book came out. Of course, the ProfsDeSki predicted that I would denounce them, as the typical "pretentious" ski instructor who hates all students (because they don't ski well enough to ski with me), fighting for my monopolistic but 40 years outdated job.
"I already know you will hear all kinds of destructive comments about PSi, as well as about me being a frustrated instructor or anything else to put us all down," they say in the introduction. And "they" actually do have a name: "Gaston St. Pierre." I'll call him "GASP" for short.
So here's how it works:
|In the PSi approach, the repeated explanations of how and why it happens lead to the same positive effects as a demonstration. The UNImage (TM) technique, together with the MNEMOGRAPHIK (TM) approach and the muscle memory phenomenon, fulfill the demand for the safest and highest performance to make a Safety-Happy skier out of ME.
Sounds like the Unabomber Manifesto of ski instruction! GASP actually cites the "pseudodictionary" (www.pseudodictionary.com
)--"the place where words you've made up can become part of an actual online dictionary!" for some of the words he uses--and his citations refer to "words" GASP had submitted to the "dictionary" himself!
GASP is quite thorough. He identifies three "technique fundamentals": 1) RHYTHM, 2) PHYSICAL BALANCE, and 3), um, well I'm not sure what exactly the third one is. Here's how GASP describes it: "3) The technique is very simple to understand, learn, and especially execute. That simplicity and the PSi LEARNING environment makes me reach HARMONY BALANCE quickly. In other words, it makes everything happen 'the most balanced way.'"
Clear as a bell...
Of course, there are those who will like GASP's approach, since he says it is "anti-wedge, anti-stem, and, obviously, anti-snowplow."
It gets better. There are "Three Key Actions," the first of which is "'the sideway [sic] head rotation move' in the desired direction."
(No, I am NOT making this up!)
I'm sorry--you'll just have to read the rest for yourself. I can hardly type anymore--I'm laughing too hard!
After a few pages of diagrams, trademarked GASPisms and convoluted semi-English description, followed by a few more pages of rants about how this revolutionary "method" is so much better than "traditional teaching methods" and how "high level and pretentious instructors" disdain skiing with kids, beginners, and intermediates, and anyone else who is "not skiing well enough to ski with them" and so on, GASP finally concludes with instructions on how to bend your poles in a vise to the optimal shape for "appropriate use of the pole" (the "Second Key Action"). Pole baskets must be oriented "thirty (30) degree [sic] out." If you still aren't satisfied with the results, then you could "buy better and lighter ones, the type I can bend."
Now--Gaston St. Pierre, instructor-Professeur, Professeurs de Ski international, PLEASE--won't you join us for a discussion of skiing, here at EpicSki? I want to learn the "Upturn Move" so I too can experience "Upright Performance (TM)--to make me