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Private lessons for husband and wife?

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 

When dating my now wife i began the process of teaching her how to ski.  been together now for 4 years so it hasn't broken the relationship, but can honestly say its been interesting.  I have learned that when she gets mad she skis fundamentally sound, but other than that is always in the back seat.  She always gets mad at me for saying put your weight forward which usually gets a not so kind response.

 

We are going out west this year and was thinking of setting her up with a private lesson.  Only problem is that she will only do it if i go with her.  She is a solid east coast intermediate.  

 

Was just wondering if anyone has experience with a 2 person lesson,  and is it/was it worth the time/money.  i will admit i have a lot of growth to do as well, just mostly in glades/moguls. 

 

lost out on argument for snowbird/alta - going to heavenly

Thanks in advance

post #2 of 28

My un-edited 2 cents:

 

1)  Put a piece of duct tape over your mouth to help resist temptation.

2)  Take the lesson and go with her.

3) Ask the instructor questions about your own skiing never hers.

3)  Good call on Heavenly.

4) Take her shopping or to the casino if she prefers.

post #3 of 28

I have seen that dynamic not work. when the man can see the woman, she skis worse, as when the husband follows or watches. I think she'll learn better without hubby.

post #4 of 28

If you take a combined private lesson you might feel a little short changed afterwards.  I did this once and the instructor gave my wife almost all the attention, so I felt like a third wheel and didn't learn much.  The instructor will generally gear the lesson towards the least experienced skier in the group.  If you're okay with that it can still be fun.

post #5 of 28

My GF has been learning to snowboard the last 2 years. And she progressed really well. She took lessons. And I only offered advice when she asked. Sometimes I let her go off and ride on her own, other times I took her with me and put her in situations that although safe would challenge her abilities. I would always wait at certain places, but I never skied next to her.

 

The end of this winter on a great pow day I stopped near the end of a run expecting to see her picking ehr way down. I was shocked when she blasted past me pow flying everywhere.

 

Moral of this is let her learn. The last thing she wants is you telling her what to do. You can't make someone feel it, they have to feel it on their own.

post #6 of 28


Quote:

Originally Posted by bcebby View Post

When dating my now wife i began the process of teaching her how to ski.  been together now for 4 years so it hasn't broken the relationship, but can honestly say its been interesting.  I have learned that when she gets mad she skis fundamentally sound, but other than that is always in the back seat.  She always gets mad at me for saying put your weight forward which usually gets a not so kind response.


Danger Will Robinson!!!

 

danger-will-robinson.jpg

post #7 of 28

Kids also usually do better the first couple of times without dad teaching or watching.

post #8 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by daysailer1 View Post

My un-edited 2 cents:

 

1)  Put a piece of duct tape over your mouth to help resist temptation.

2)  Take the lesson and go with her.

3) Ask the instructor questions about your own skiing never hers.

3)  Good call on Heavenly.

4) Take her shopping or to the casino if she prefers.


Wisdom here....

post #9 of 28

I did a two for private with my wife last season. We were both workign on the exact same thing, better carving, edging skills, and glidign on an edged ski. SO it worked out well. We had fun learning together. I think I probabbly got a bit more out of it than she did but both of us had fun and learned a few new tricks for getting better edge engagement and got a feel for patiently gliding .

 

If you are not going to be doign the exact same things, then it doesn't make sense to share a lesson. IMO.

post #10 of 28

Ok - so your saying that she has trouble keeping her weight forward.

 

I used to have that same problem a few years back until a friend told me a one key thing: Imagine there is a grape stuck in the back of your boot, if you lean back back you will crush the grape (gross!) and it will get all over your sock. Once I heard that I always made the active effort to keep my weight forward so as to not crush my imgainary grape.

post #11 of 28
Thread Starter 

Thanks for the feedback,  think i might take the duck tape option.  I believe she would learn more w/o me there but is insists that i go with her.  Used to be fine on pace w/ her when i skied on p50's took it nice and slow with a lot of turns, but got ac50's now and she gets mad when i let those skis go. 

All i know is that im lucky that i married someone with a lot of patience and who is willing to accept that skiing is a little more than a hobby to me.

post #12 of 28

From a 1958 Sports Illustrated:

 

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November 17, 1958

The Question: Should A Husband Try To Teach His Wife To Ski?

 
View CoverRead All Articles View This Issue

MRS. AVERELL HARRIMAN
Albany, N.Y.
Yes, if the husband is a good skier. A man proficient in sports should be a good instructor. My husband was one of the first to ski down the N.Y. State development at Whiteface Mountain, in which he has taken such a great interest.

MRS. NELSON A. ROCKEFELLER
New York City
I think it's fine for a husband to teach his wife to ski, providing, of course, that he himself is a good skier and a good teacher. Skiing is a beautiful sport, one that husbands and wives can particularly enjoy together, and I love it.

JOSEPH T. MONTESANI
Sportsman
New York and Palm Beach
No. The first thing I saw at the hotel in Aspen, Colo. was a woman being wheeled out with a cast on her leg. Another had a cast on her arm. If a wife broke a limb while her husband was teaching her, she'd nag him the rest of her life.

GARY COOPER
Actor
Hollywood
Yes. As it happened, my wife and I learned to ski together, and we helped each other a lot. Later, I taught our daughter to ski. Skiing is wonderful for the family and the one sport in which you can forget all material things.

MRS. EDMUND S. MUSKIE
Augusta, Me.
Although my husband used to compete in the jumping competitions, I think a wife should first seek a ski instructor. Husbands do not have that much patience. On the other hand, they are simply divine with children.

MRS. SEPP RUSCHP
Wife of General Manager, Mt. Mansfield Co. Stowe, Vt.
No. When a woman knows a man too well, she talks back to him: "You taught me differently yesterday. Why change today? Don't you know what you're doing?" The wife should let her husband enjoy his skiing and learn from an instructor.

YVETTE LAURION
Civic worker
Montreal
Yes. In Montreal the husbands teach their wives everything. The husbands are the bosses. When a husband says to his wife: "You have to ski the way I teach you," she does. She never talks back to him. That's as it should be.

MRS. FRED ISELIN
Wife of co-director, Aspen Ski School Aspen, Colo.
The husbands try to teach their wives to ski, but they never succeed. First, there are polite arguments, then they begin sleeping in separate beds. Next it's separate rooms. Finally she's in Europe to ski while he stays here for a divorce.

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Read more: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1003131/index.htm#ixzz11WRnkdrD 
post #13 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by daysailer1 View Post

My un-edited 2 cents:

 

1)  Put a piece of duct tape over your mouth to help resist temptation.

2)  Take the lesson and go with her.

3) Ask the instructor questions about your own skiing never hers.

3)  Good call on Heavenly.

4) Take her shopping or to the casino if she prefers.

  That is some of the best advice money can buy...and it's free!

 

post #14 of 28

We've taken lots of lessons together and we've really enjoyed it. We're close in ability so that likely makes things easier for instructors. Even if you're at different abilities a good instructor should be able to work on skills appropriate for each of you.  The person we've worked with the most has often had us working on different things during the same lesson and had each of us watch the other with respect to certain flaws. Happily it gives me license to brutally criticize her skiing. Not so happily she has license to do the same to mine. If you're very different in terms of skills it might be more difficult. If one wants to work on bumps and the other requires more basic training it's unlikely both of you will walk away completely happy. daysailor's advice is generally sound. There's an old adage: "Friends don't let friends teach friends how to ski." It should probably be in all caps when talking about partners teaching partners how to ski. I don't really see a negative. You might not get as much out of the lesson as she does, but so what. Just try to get recommendations for a good instructor because not all are created equal.

post #15 of 28

 Here's my devious take on it.  Proceed as your wife wants, but also talk to the instructor in advance.  Set it up so that after 5 or 10 minutes, he or she "realizes" that the lesson would go much better if you did something else or went way ahead, etc.  If this is the "instructor's idea", it'll be received better.  There's no substitute for 1-on-1 unless you've both got the same things to work on.  It'll be more of a benefit to your wife if you're out of the picture.

post #16 of 28

A good instructor can find things both of you can do to improve, on terrain that works for both of you. If there are 2 or more people in a group, there are 2 or more levels to teach to. Always.

 

post #17 of 28

+1. 

 

I took a private with my son a few years ago.  We got a good instructor who was able to help both of us and we were both at very different levels.  I wanted the instructor to concentrate more on him and he did.  For me, I was new to shaped skis and wanted some pointers on how to get the most out of them and how I should change my technique to do so. 

post #18 of 28

I think a husband can teach his wife to ski - - if he is a good instructor. This is teaching fundamentals and NOT just going to the steep and deep and then bitching because she is doing some fundamental incorrectly causing many other problems. If the fundamentals are there alot of issues are not there.

One of the first things a "Good Instructor" recognizes is what terrain the student should be instructed on, which is usually a more gentle terrain than the husband thinks.

post #19 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by bcebby View Post

Thanks for the feedback,  think i might take the duck tape option.  I believe she would learn more w/o me there but is insists that i go with her.  Used to be fine on pace w/ her when i skied on p50's took it nice and slow with a lot of turns, but got ac50's now and she gets mad when i let those skis go. 

All i know is that im lucky that i married someone with a lot of patience and who is willing to accept that skiing is a little more than a hobby to me.



Right, if the only way she'll take a lesson is with you, take the lesson with her. I'm curious why you wouldn't do this before you go Heavenly. $0.02, She'll be more likely to enjoy the trip if she's had some sort of "ah ha" before you get there. Why not try an upper level group lesson, probably ends up as a private anyhow? Where's your home mountain?

post #20 of 28

I've taught lessons of thsi nature before, and it can go either way. Depends on all of the personalities involved. It could be a good thing or bad, you may find out a lot about your own skiing too.

post #21 of 28

As a woman and a wife who married a freshly certified Level 3 -- 

 

Don't worry about the circumstances of the lesson, just get her to a good instructor, because as long as she's hanging back on the tails of her skis, she's not going to be able to keep up with you, and that's what she wants. Another thought for why she wants you along: Maybe she wants you to learn something about teaching, since you have been operating on her thus far without a license. 

post #22 of 28
Thread Starter 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by jimmy View Post





Right, if the only way she'll take a lesson is with you, take the lesson with her. I'm curious why you wouldn't do this before you go Heavenly. $0.02, She'll be more likely to enjoy the trip if she's had some sort of "ah ha" before you get there. Why not try an upper level group lesson, probably ends up as a private anyhow? Where's your home mountain?


Was coming off the logic that it would be better to have lessons where the terrain offers a lot more.  We ski sugar bush about 2 -3 times a year and intend on getting her up there before we go, but her issue is not really fundamentals, she has actually become a pretty sound skier. its more of an issue when she faces something that is above her ability level. the moment the trail gets too steep or the groomers become a little choppy that she falls into the old bad habits. My support and attempts to build her confidence can go only so far, so i think i need someone she doesn't know but trusts in rating abilities to tell her that she is not as bad as she thinks, but actually a lot better.  I keep telling her and mean it when i say that if you would just trust in your ability you would become a much better skier that myself.  

and the home mountain is mountain creek in nj. 

post #23 of 28

There's plenty of stuff at Sugarbush that is as challenging as anything you will likely ski at Heavenly.  Also, I always found Heavenly's intermediate runs to be pretty flat and boring.  And, she may do better in the west due to the lack of eastern hard pack, aka - ice.

post #24 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by bcebby View Post

Was coming off the logic that it would be better to have lessons where the terrain offers a lot more.  We ski sugar bush about 2 -3 times a year and intend on getting her up there before we go, but her issue is not really fundamentals, she has actually become a pretty sound skier. its more of an issue when she faces something that is above her ability level. the moment the trail gets too steep or the groomers become a little choppy that she falls into the old bad habits. My support and attempts to build her confidence can go only so far, so i think i need someone she doesn't know but trusts in rating abilities to tell her that she is not as bad as she thinks, but actually a lot better.  I keep telling her and mean it when i say that if you would just trust in your ability you would become a much better skier that myself.  

and the home mountain is mountain creek in nj. 

 

Some ball players just need extra seasoning in the minors before they can hit a big league fast ball.

 

It can take a long time (20 something days) to correct a bad habit and form a new good habit. That might mean a whole season for you. Maybe she has an equipment problem, poor boot fit, boots too stiff, too much ski, bad mount point, skis not dialed in, etc... Or maybe she is jsut a timid person who needs extra seasoning to get comfortable.

post #25 of 28

at the risk of being redundant, as I mentioned this early in the thread: it's not the instructor that may limit the success of a husband and wife private. It's the dynamic in the relationship, the constantly critical husband, that can ruin the lesson for the wife. I have seen a woman ski/ride terribly when the husband is watching/on her wheel. It's just no fun to have your constant critic out there when you're trying something new.

post #26 of 28

 

Quote:
Was coming off the logic that it would be better to have lessons where the terrain offers a lot more.

 

You don't need big terrain to have great lessons, especially if you're focusing on something like keeping your weight in the right place.  If anything, trying to teach someone on terrain where they are in over their head is counterproductive.

 

Quote:
...her issue is not really fundamentals, she has actually become a pretty sound skier. its more of an issue when she faces something that is above her ability level. the moment the trail gets too steep or the groomers become a little choppy that she falls into the old bad habits.

 

As much as you're saying "it's not fundamentals" -- at some level, it is fundamentals.  If she was more solid on technique, she probably wouldn't feel like she has to fall back on her old habits.  Fear (usually) comes from feeling like you're out of control, not the other way around.

 

Personally, I don't try to teach my girlfriend.  I'll answer questions or offer advice if she asks, but I don't "teach" her.  It's a tough dynamic trying to teach someone you know really well.  It works for some people.  But it can get awkward if things aren't going smoothly.

 

If you're close in ability, going on a lesson together could be good.  But if you're already significantly better than her, I would say to have her take a few lessons on her own.  Sometimes it takes the pressure off, if she feels like she's holding you back when you ski together.  If she tries it and decides she'd rather have you there, you can always go back and try a lesson together.

post #27 of 28

Fortunately my wife skied when I met her although I have always been a lot more aggressive about it.  This will be my fifth year teaching, first four were adaptive and got my L1 certification last year.  During those four years of adaptive teaching I spent as much time as I could skiing with a husband and wife team of L2 instructors to basically learn to ski all over again.  I sometimes ski with my wife but mostly she's content to ski groomed green and blue runs by herself or with a friend and she's happy with me going off in the steeps/bumps/trees/whatever without her.  She sometimes asks me for help with something and I offer whatever minimal and non-judgmental advice I can.  Mostly if she wants help she finds that same husband and wife team who helped me.  I'm fine with that because they are both good teachers and give her plenty of positive feedback when she does something right.  When I see her doing things correctly I tell her but beyond that we don't discuss her skiing.  It just works out a lot better that way.  It's almost like trying to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

post #28 of 28

Definitely go for it! My wife is at the exact same experience level as yours, and though I'd been skiing my entire life, I still found a joint lesson to be very fruitful for both her and me. I asked our instructor to tailor the lesson to my wifes needs, and I sort of just went along with whatever drills or instruction she was given. It never, ever hurts to re-enforce the fundamentals, and I can honestly say it was a very worthwhile experience for both of us. The added bonus is that you can better help her continue to practice after the lesson since you were present for the instruction in the first place.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by bcebby View Post

When dating my now wife i began the process of teaching her how to ski.  been together now for 4 years so it hasn't broken the relationship, but can honestly say its been interesting.  I have learned that when she gets mad she skis fundamentally sound, but other than that is always in the back seat.  She always gets mad at me for saying put your weight forward which usually gets a not so kind response.

 

We are going out west this year and was thinking of setting her up with a private lesson.  Only problem is that she will only do it if i go with her.  She is a solid east coast intermediate.  

 

Was just wondering if anyone has experience with a 2 person lesson,  and is it/was it worth the time/money.  i will admit i have a lot of growth to do as well, just mostly in glades/moguls. 

 

lost out on argument for snowbird/alta - going to heavenly

Thanks in advance

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