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    One  Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son  and tell him it
was time to get ready for  church, to which he replied, "I'm not  going."
    "Why  not?" she  asked.
    I'll  give you two good reasons," he said. "(1), they  don't like me,
and (2), I don't like  them."
    His  mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons  why YOU SHOULD go
to church.  (1) You're 59  years old, and (2) you're the  pastor!"

The  Picnic
          A  Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the  town's annual
4th of July picnic. Old friends,  they began their usual  banter.
    "This  baked ham is really delicious," the priest  teased the rabbi.
"You really ought to try it. I  know it's against your religion, but I
can't  understand why such a wonderful food should be  forbidden! You don't
know what you're missing.  You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs.
Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me,  Rabbi, when are you going to
break down and try  it?"
    The  rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and  said, "At your
The  Usher
    An  elderly woman walked into the local country  church. The friendly
usher greeted her at the  door and helped her up the flight of  steps,
"Where would you like to sit?" he  asked  politely.
    "The  front row please," she  answered.
    "You  really don't want to do that," the usher said  "The pastor is
really  boring."
    "Do  you happen to know who I am?" the woman  inquired.
    "No."  he said.
    "I'm  the pastor's mother," she replied  indignantly.
    "Do  you know who I am?" he  asked.
    "No."  she said.
    "Good,"  he answered.
Show  and Tell
   A  kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and  tell" assignment.
Each student was  instructed to bring in an object to share with  the class
that represented their religion. The  first student got up in front of the
class and  said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and  this is a Star
of  David.."
    The  second student got up in front of the class and  said, "My name is
Mary. I'm a Catholic and this  is a  Rosary."
    The  third student got in up front of the class and  said, "My name is
Tommy. I am Baptist, and  this is a  casserole."
The   Best Way To Pray
   A  priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the  best positions for
prayer, while a telephone  repairman worked  nearby.
    "Kneeling  is definitely the best way to pray," the priest  said.
    "No,"  said the minister. "I get the best results  standing with my
hands outstretched to  Heaven."
    "You're  both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective  prayer
position is lying down on the  floor."
    The  repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey,  fellas," he
interrupted. "The best prayin' I  ever did was when I was hangin' upside
down from  a telephone  pole."
  Lord,  keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand  over my mouth !!!
post #2 of 2

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.


The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.' He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.


Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing. We missed the R ! We missed the R ! We missed the R !' His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.


The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'


With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, 'The word was... CELEBRATE!!!

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