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Sven and Ole Ouwt Bak

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 


You really have to be 

from Minneso dah or Vis con sin to appreciate this ! :-)


Sven is passing by Ole's hay shed one 

day when through a gap in the door he sees Ole doing a slow and sensual 

striptease in front of an old red Massey Ferguson.

Buttocks clenched 

he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right suspender, 

followed by the left.
He then hunches his shoulders forward and in 

a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle 

by his hips over his corduroy trousers .

Grabbing both sides of his 

checked shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and 

with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay.

'What on 

earth are you doing Ole' says Sven

'Jeez Sven, ye frightened the livin 

bejasus out of me'  says an obviously embarrassed Ole, 'but me and the 

Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the 

Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor . "

post #2 of 4

Olaf died in a fire and his body was so badly burned that
 the morgue needed someone to I.D. the body.  So they
 called up his two friends, Swen and Lars, to come and try
 to I.D. the body.

 Swen went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet, and
 Swen said "Yaa, he's burnt pretty bad.  Roll him over."
 So the mortician rolled him over, and Swen looked at his
 ass and said  "No, dat ain't Olaf."

 The mortician didn't say anything, but thought that was
 kind of strange.  Then he brought in Lars to I.D. the
 body, and Lars looked at him and said "Yaa, he's burnt
 real bad; roll him over."

 The mortician rolled him over, and Lars looked down at
 his ass and said "No, dat ain't Olaf."

 The mortician said "How can you tell?"  Lars said, "Well,
 Olaf had two assholes."

 "What?  He had two assholes?!" said the mortician.

 "Yaa, everyone in town knew he had two assholes.  Every
 time the three of us went to town, everyone would say
 "Here comes Olaf with them two assholes!"

post #3 of 4

Sven, Oli, and Duda were loggers cuttin' down the big Doug Firs in the north woods.  One day Sven knocks down a big 100'er and yells, "timber"; but Duda don't get out of de way. 


Sven and Oli rush over and cut a big chunk of tree off but it is way to late.  So they shovel the remains of Duda in da back of da pickup and head for town.  Sven is beside himself with what to tell Dudas' wife, but Oli assures him that he will tink of sumthin'.  As they reach town Sven asks again, but Oli assures him he vill tink of sumthin'.  With the same discussion as they pull up in front of Dudas' house. 


They arrive at the door take off their hats and ring the bell.  Dudas' wife answers the door and asks in a puzzled voice, "Sven and Oli, vat are ya doin' home from da voods so early?" 


Olis' eyes get really wide as he shuffles his feet.  A rare thought hits him and Oli begins to sing; 


Wait for it!


Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)
"Guess who died in da voods today, Duda, Duda.".
post #4 of 4

When Sven and Ole were young they decided to have a great adventure and travel to the New World.  They arranged passage on a ship in the sub-steerage. They had little money.


As they boarded the ship and showed their pass their luggage was taken from them, they were put in chains and led to the depths of the ship where they were assigned to an oar, which they rowed, 18 hours daily, completely across the Atlantic.  They were fed bread and water and slept what little they could on the cold deck.


When the ship arrived at dock in New York they were unlocked from their chains, given their luggage, and unceremoniously hustled toward the gang plank to shore.  As our heros reached the rail and began to disembark, Sven turns to the officer on deck and asks, "Excuse me sir, but were we expected to tip the drummer?"

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