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Funniest thing you've seen on the slopes. - Page 2

post #31 of 54
A friend was visiting me at Snowmass and on his first day back out after a 3 day bout with altitude sickness coupled with severe dehydration we eased through some groomed cruisers and eventually toward Baby Ruth Chute (a semi-steep narrow entrance to some nice off-piste sections). He was still a little weak and got in the backseat two bumps into the chute. His tip augered into the back of an undercut bump and toe released in an ultra cambered state. The tail of the ski instantly sprang upward and cought him square in the crotch. Fortunately it found that little area between the vitals and lifted him four feet off the trail. I don't know what made me feel worse; bringing him there in his state of illness or laughing so hard at him in it. Either way he survived with only a little tenderness and a sore stomach from laughing also. If only I had a picture!!
post #32 of 54
As a rookie ski coach teaching at Breck, I was at line up and was asked to take the level 4 group. I pushed out from line up, pointed my ski's toward the 4 sign and about 12 students only to tip over and slide down onto their ski's. The good was it turned out to be one of the best lesson I ever had. I think showing a little humility can put a lesson group at ease. The bad was it cost me some $$$ at the Gold Pan!!!
post #33 of 54
Its my second or third day on skis. I'm at Steamboat, back in the mid-70's. My beginner class makes it up to mid-mountain for the very first time.

About 1/4 way down the run, a cute 20-ish female student tells the instructor that she has to go to the bathroom, but she is too afraid to ski "all the way down" by herself.

The instructor knows he can't get the class down to the base fast enough to do this gal any good, so he suggests that if she wants to head off into the woods, to protect her modesty, he'll form the class into a line at the edge of the trail, turn the class (and himself) around so no one peeks, and she can do her thing.

She agrees.

As we are all facing the center of the trail, from the corner of our eyes, we see this gal, still clicked into her skis, sliding backwards onto the trail with her pants around her ankles, marking her path with a precise thin curve of yellow dots in the snow.

She finally tumbles to a stop, dead center in front of the class and bottoms-up!

Unfortunately, not a single person in the class could possibly hold their laughter in at this sight. The poor gal can't stand the humiliation, so she breaks down and cries.

This only makes matters worse, because between her crying, her unfamiliarity with skiing, and with her pants down around her ankles, she can't possibly get up on her own. The young male instructor realizes that he is going to have to help her and wants to spare her any further embarrassment, so he shouts out an order for the rest of us to do a quick about-face and face the trees.

Well, that isn't such a good idea. Since everybody is a beginner, we are all spaced too close to each other and doubled over with laughter, nobody can do a proper about-face, and almost everyone starts slipping and sliding around in complete disarray. A couple of the students that were the highest up the hill wind up sliding into the poor girl and wind up falling over her into one big heap.

Finally, some other instructor or patroller (I forget which - I was laughing too hard) happens upon this scene of utter confusion, is able to lend a hand and lead the poor gal down the hill in private.

I don't know whether it was better to be right in the middle of this scene, or be riding up the chair, looking down on it and trying to figure out what the hell was going on!

I've been recounting this incident every chance I get in the (slim) hope that I'll eventually run into someone else who was there, or maybe worked at Steamboat in the '70's and heard about it.

I've also wondered if that poor gal ever tried skiing again.

PhysicsMan
post #34 of 54
There was an episode of McGuyver where he was skiing at Vail and got caught in a big avalanche. He made a chewing gum and torn parka strip parachute, took the grips off his poles, and blew the contraption through the poles to the surface so the rescuers could find him. Almost as good as the egg in the radiator trick.
post #35 of 54
Physics man: I am laughing so hard that I'm glad I practice Kegels!

Todo, you just liberated me from my deepest darkest most humiliating secret. On my very first lesson at Killington, I fell over the skis of 12 INSTRUCTORS at line up. All of them male!

Can you say "Yes Masters"?

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Be Braver in your body, or your luck will leave you. DH Lawrence
post #36 of 54
Lisamarie - It was one of those situations where you felt really, really sorry for the person involved, but I simply couldn't stop laughing along with everyone else. I think it was the single funniest thing that I've ever seen in my life.

I don't know what I'd do if this happened to me, but I think I'd probably take off my skis, try to regain some semblance of dignity, anounce, "Ladies and gentlemen - Skiing is NOT my sport", laugh, take a deep bow, and then walk down the hill and keep on going right out of town as quickly as possible!

I would also make it my business to ditch that ski outfit, and never be seen at that resort for at least a quarter century!

PM
post #37 of 54
That defintely was the funniest post on this thread! How humiliating for her! Every girl at one point of her life has the embarassing, "jump into the pool and pop out of the bathing suit top" incident, but this tops it off.

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Be Braver in your body, or your luck will leave you. DH Lawrence
post #38 of 54
Lisamarie,

While you may have felt humiliated about falling over the instructors skis, rest assured, that it happens on a daily basis. The person who falls is utterly embarrassed, but 10 minutes later, I wouldn't be able to pick you out of a line-up. It just happens a LOT. Especailly in the little suburban ski areas with so many beginners.
post #39 of 54
Wouldn't be able to pick me out of a line up? Now I'm hurt! {kidding}. Ya' can't win, eh?
post #40 of 54
PhysicsMan,
Absolutely priceless! That is the funniest thing I can imagine! Sorry. I'm just sick that way. The whole thing was so long and drawn out. Everybody was involved and and and Oh God! I'm laughing too hard to write.
jd
post #41 of 54
I was looking over a newly set slalom course when my son and his race team buddies were going by on the chair. They hollered down for me to "go for it"........... Before engaging the brain I dove into the course.

About the third gate I reached up for my ball cap that started to come off. This put me off balance and as I started to round the next gate my new (and too tight) pants snaps came undone as I put a lot of hip (and recently lunch stuffed gut) into it in order to make that gate.... I did but hooked on the next one and ended up on my back holding my pants up.....

<FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by yuki (edited July 12, 2001).]</FONT>
post #42 of 54
JD - Not only was the story drawn out, the victim's backwards slide out of the woods occurred in ultra slow motion, making the whole thing even funnier and giving it plenty of time to sink in.

PM
post #43 of 54
LOL!
post #44 of 54
Physics Man. Classic story!! I'm showing that one around. I'm trying to put myself in the instructor's shoes (boots). I can't even imagine the diplomacy required to get that situation under control!! Thanks for sharing.

Spag's quote of the week:
"Rectum! Damn near killed 'em!"
-The late Chris Farley. RIP-
post #45 of 54
A pissing story is always worth telling.
post #46 of 54
Notorious Spag -

You're right - the instructor did a fantastic job - probably better than I could have done myself at his age. I don't remember much about him, but I do remember that:

(1) Much to his credit, he was EXTREMELY professional in how he handled the incident. I don't know how anyone could have handled it better. I should point out however, that at several points it looked like he was on the verge of dissolving in laughter but he controlled himself. To do this he probably had to bite his lip and keep telling himself that he would be out of a job if he wasn't "professional".

(2) He appeared to be just a couple of years older than the "victim" and a pretty decent looking guy - sort of a young Stein E look - tanned, square-jawed, etc.. This could only have increased the embarrassment of the gal.

PM
post #47 of 54
The funniest story I have heard in a long time, maybe ever!
post #48 of 54
Physics Man. You've given me something to think about. When I teach pre season conditioning at a women's fitness center, I sometimes talk about activating the pelvic floor to engage the transverse abdominals for stability. Perhaps your story would provide an even better motivation for practicing their Kegels.

------------------
Be Braver in your body, or your luck will leave you. DH Lawrence
post #49 of 54
Lisamarie -

You know, in my wildest dreams, I never thought I'd contribute to the conditioning of the pelvic area of women in quite this way. I guess I should be flattered.

Grins,

PM
post #50 of 54
Glad everyone enjoyed that one!
post #51 of 54
PhysicsMan:

I dont know if this pertains to your story, but I stumbled across this in a search for skiing humor...I thought of this thread...
http://irenaeus.ccsu.ctstateu.edu/~w...or/Skiing.html

[This message has been edited by LindaA (edited July 28, 2001).]</FONT><FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by LindaA (edited July 28, 2001).]</FONT>
post #52 of 54
Thread Starter 
LindaA

This may sound funny, but I have heard that story repeated in a couple variations several times in different places. It seems(to me) to fall into the category of urban(alpine?) legend. I believe Todd posted some urban info on another thread at some point. It IS funny. Thanks

Todd?
post #53 of 54
Hmm, i hope this doesn't end up as a double post. Somethin' funny happened.

The one I heard had the two meet at the bar the next day by the fireplace. The woman was not hurt, just scratched up and not ABOUT to ski again, but was on a trip with friends. The guy had hit a tree while skiing and watching her. He was on a trip with friends too so they had to hang in the lodge that day.

That would be cool if it was THE event you were at.

I once watched a beginner lesson while I was having a cold one. It was a teenage girl, what looked to be younger sister and a instructor. The teenager had a big booger hanging out her nose the whole time I was sitting there on my tailgate. I could see it from the parking lot. I often wondered how her little sister broke the news. I couldn't believe that dude never told her.

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Spank Me
post #54 of 54
LindaA, Roto -

Thanks for the inputs. I'm still very interested in learning anything that I can about this incident / story.

A week or so ago, on another ski forum, several people alerted me to the similarities between the story you found, and the incident I remember.

I was fairly sure that early onset OldTimers disease had hit me until I did an extensive web search on this story, and wound up with over 100 relevant hits.

The bottom line seems to be that there is one main story (virtually identical to the one you found) floating around. It seems to be extremely popular and easily found. It is truly in the category of "urban legend". With the exception of a few of minor variations such as occupation of the woman and specific location, all of these versions of the story are virtually identical to the one you found.

The incident that I believe I remember differs significantly from the standard version:

1) Mine happened in a ski school class and no husband or boyfriend was around.

2) Mine happened part way down the mountain (not at the top) on a trail with no lift towers nearby.

3) As I remember the day, the temperature was reasonable, probably in the mid-30's, not even in the teens, and certainly NOT 12 below.

4) The woman in my story was not injured by any means, certainly not by crashing into a lift tower (see #2).

5) The woman in my version was just off the trail in back of us and not any significant distance into the woods. She was going backwards very slowly and fell to her side within probably 20 or 30 feet of the start of her backwards slide. The terrain was not at all steep - this was a class of novices. Over the years, many people have commented on how improbable it would be for a novice to be able to successfully ski backwards out of trees (with their pants down), and go far enough downhill backwards to build up enough speed to hurt themselves. They would fall over long before this happened. Also, apparently, broken arms are not a very likely injury if a person hits a lift tower.

6) My woman (obviously) did not have to go to the hospital.

7) My version did not have a stranger fall off the lift and have a chance encounter with the victim in the hospital.

8) My version has a non-ending (she skulked off). The standard version always has a good "punch-line" like ending, "So how did you break your arm".

9) Nobody ever claims they saw the incident themself. I do. I even remember that I fell, got the front of my jeans wet (yeah - jeans - OK? I was a never-ever) and had to rush back to the condo to change them after the lesson.

10) If my version is correct, there was a large number of people present (the ski class, the instructor, the second instructor or patroller) who could in principle be tracked down by virtue of employment records, ski school attendance records (if they were kept), etc.

Some people who are experts in urban legends have researched the standard version and have determined that it suddenly sprang into existence in the mid-70's. This is exactly when I remember my incident occurring - I was at a scientific conference in Steamboat, and if I make the effort, I could probably determine the exact date to within plus or minus a day or two. If I remember, I presented a paper at the meeting and there may even be a book of abstracts published, which would at least definitely place me in Steamboat in that week.


Altho I am obviously not sure of this, it is my suspicion (maybe its really a hope) that I did not incorporate the standard urban legend into my own memories, but rather, the incident I witnessed may very well have been the actual basis for the urban legend, and that the differences that arose between the story and the real incident were "enhancements" made (perhaps inadvertently) to make it a better tale.

If anyone has any more info on this story, particularly anything from the mid '70's, I would appreciate hearing about it.

Cheers,

PM
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