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Funniest thing you've seen on the slopes.

post #1 of 54
Thread Starter 
In the spirit of moving on with our lives...

I was riding Southern Cross at Stevens Pass when a Pro Patroller came ripping down a bump line with an empty toboggan. It was impressive how well this guy was skiing the bumps.

I happened to be at the breakover, where the run suddenly changes character and gets really steep. The patroller rips up to the edge, pulling a crisp, dialed in hockey stop, surveying the terrain below with a calculating eye...

That was when the sled trundled right on by him, stopping was the last thing on its mind.

He set his edges. I'm sure he would have liked to let go, but the chain was fastened. He squatted low, pushing his hip way uphill to get ready for the shock, but it still took him. By this time I was somewhat uphill from the breakover and could only see snippets of the carnage. Skis & Boots. Toboggan & Splint & liner. Boots and ski. Toboggan handle. Snow spray...

One more.
A first-time snowboarder flying down the middle of a beginner slope. Tip of the board in the air, front foot off the snow. Arms waving wildly. Eyes wide.
Snowboarder friend at the top of the hill.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro...
post #2 of 54
An empty toboggan pulled a pro patroller down the hill?
post #3 of 54
When I was a kid, I remember seeing ski instructors at my home mountain and thinking "what a bunch of tools!" (Here I've been an instrucor for the last 11 years! Go fig.) This thought process was reinforced one day as I watched the biggest tool of them all cruising down a groomed blue run at a pretty mellow speed. His turns were silky, his hair was perfect, his teeth were straight... and his suspenders were down and hanging. (it was a fairly warm day.) So when he lost his edges on a patch of ice, it pulled his ski pants down and he bare-assed the rest of his run as he tumbled underneath the chair. Classic! At that time, there was nothing more satisfying than watching a ski instructor humiliate himself. It was a good day.

Spags quote of the day:
"What kind o' stupid question is that? 'Course I'm happy. I'm rich, and I'm dead sexy!"
- Fat Bastard in "Austin Powers: The spy who shagged me" -<FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by Notorious Spag (edited July 07, 2001).]</FONT><FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by Notorious Spag (edited July 07, 2001).]</FONT>
post #4 of 54
Thread Starter 

Yes. The guy was skiing bumps fast in the fall-line, tried to stop suddenly and it went right by and took him down. It was ugly. By coincidence, the same day on a different part of the mountain a patroller(this may have been a volunteer) was left on their own taking a friend of mine down in a toboggan. The volley lost control and lost the toboggan!! My buddy was strapped in unable to do anything but scream (the slope was a long, steep groomer). Some random guy saw the sled scream by, skated after it and managed a tackle. They both tumbled to a stop and my friend was saved from further injury. I didn't see this, but I did hear about it first-hand from the guy in the sled.

After that day I tried harder never to have to take a toboggan ride. The mountain has since ceased to use volunteers.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro...
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[This message has been edited by Roto (edited July 07, 2001).]</FONT>
post #5 of 54
Not to mean anything bad by this, but I think there are alot of Volunteer people at stevens some being patrollers and alot being the hosts. All instructors...er...didn't say that.
As long as their trained on how to handle the toboggan's they should do ok, tho mistakes will happen. I have seen a single female patroller taking a fairly sturdy patron down the hill, she had a hell of a time when the hill got steep, which brings out a few questions about using a brake or calling for a second.
(Refrence to female is due to weight and body mass and is not meant any detriment to women)
post #6 of 54
Thread Starter 
Stevens Pass ceased using volunteer patrollers quite a few seasons ago. The host are a volunteer (they get a free pass) group but have no patrol-like duties, save reminding sliders about the Slow and Family zones.
I have worked where there are plenty of well-trained, good volunteers so my post was not any kind of blanket statement about 'volleys.' Just one in particular.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro...
post #7 of 54
How about stupidest and most embarrassing?

SnoKarver was with me both times.

First time, I saw this group of good skiers skiing the poma at Copper and I skied right into their group. Got too close to one guy and bumped him. I took a bad fall - the worst all year. Tumbled, head over heals. Coulda really hurt myself.

Second time.
Harald was at Loveland, standing off the side of a run. The snow was weird that day, frozen ocean. So I come down, trying to impress HH by skiing off the side of the run. I dumped it, right in front of God and Harald (one in the same?). Not only dumped it, but slid head first, into some trees. I coulda killed myself. Harald skis down, looks down at me and asks if I'm alright. Then he just shakes his head and skis off.

This is good. I need to remind myself about "Stupid SCSA things".
post #8 of 54
The lift had stopped and I was watching some of our race team have some fun on their rock skis. The sun had melted a patch some 20 feet long, mud with a smooth stone center. The kids would straight line and brace for the decelleration as they hit the mud.

Slightly above them was a classic "bus tripper".... rental gear and a Philadelphia Eagles jacket. This kid was taking all this in and I could read his 16 year old testosterone soaked mind........... "Wait till I tell the kids back home....."

He broke the wedge and straightlined.... built speed and ...... hit the mud. He was totally unprepared for the pitch forward and did a face plant and slide and came up looking like a sow in a barnyard.
post #9 of 54
I've got one great montage of friends on video and ought to send it to worlds funniest.

In one scene a friend (who was worked on the same MT I was) Catches air off a cornice. Only he misjudged his speed and went *really* *really* stupid big. You see him leap off in the video, and start doing daffy's then you hear him say "holy s***" and kind of stop doing daffy's with his feet still spread . . . travels a good long distance still in daffy position because of shock apparently and lands in the heavy powder that way. Tip of one ski and tail of the other ski buried up to the boots - legs spread in a position only cheerleaders and kung-fu experts get in . . . crotch on the snow, still in skis!

Same video, friend who was a recreational skier - but grew up racing and is very excellent. But has an illness that requires he take medication that makes his balance go haywire sometimes. So you see him skiing perfectly down a bowl in spring corn, making strong turns . . . and then suddenly for no reason slowly fall over onto his side in the middle of a turn. Then a few minutes later it happens again. Poor guy! Very funny to watch though.

Probably the oddest thing thats happened to me is when I was skiing the trees on a pow day (nearly every day on that particular mountain), but cover was still a bit thin (without an 80"+ base there you are taking chances in the rocks and trees). See what looks like a fallen tree outline under the snow, so I hopped up - while hopping I pulled straight out of one ski. So I flew over the obstruction with one foot in ski, one just a boot. When I landed, I immediately clicked perfectly back into the binding. The ski had continued on course at the same speed under the log and my foot landed on it in exact alignment! Definately a once in a lifetime freak occurance!<FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by Todd Murchison (edited July 08, 2001).]</FONT>
post #10 of 54
Oh these are a giggle!

One morning a few years ago, I was riding up the lift at Breck with some fellow instructors for some morning laps before classes. As we were riding up, we were amused as a "civillian" gentleman was trying to teach a woman how to parallel turn. His explanation was hilarious. In a very southern accent (Alabama? Missisippi?) he sez:

"What ya wanna deew now, Gloooria, is put them suckers up on their rims, and MASH on 'em"

Boys doing Big Naked Air in the terrain park, and all the Shred Betty's yelling:

"Ohhhh lookie, a flying cocktail weenie"!

Any and all cardboard derbys at A-Basin, the Bump Buffet at Breck, and the Eenie Weenie Bikini Contests at Copper.

Downhill canoe races on the snow at Good 'ol Wild Mountain. Yes, really, and for PRIZES and like that. Gosh all fishooks, it's a Minnesota thing....



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[This message has been edited by SnoKarver (edited July 07, 2001).]</FONT>
post #11 of 54
Thread Starter 
Good stuff in this thread

Todd, I'm tempted to call bull on the click out and in thing, but I just can't.

In Norway, after the Holmenkollen (a 90m Nord) Fest is over everyone mobs the landing on whatever sliding utensils they can find. One group hauled a bunch of hay bales stacked and lashed and covered in plastic.

That thing sounded like a Mack Truck coming in for landing. I think it was measurable on the richter scale.

About the time they hay balers start off a guy crashes at the bottom to some minor applause. He stands to take his bow. The haybalers are really picking up speed now. Everyone starts yelling at the guy...He can't believe the ovation and just keeps soaking it up. You could measure the closing speed by how quickly the crowd got louder. Until...maybe he felt the airblast... he saw the hurtling crowd of drunken Nords mere feet before they took him out just below the hips. He turned better than a full flip, but not quite two.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro...
post #12 of 54
Roto - I'm tempted to chalk up the ski click in and out to an acid flashback too - but its as clear as a bell. And in decades of skiing 5 days a week the chances of it happening were still one in a million. Course I was alone it the woods with no witnesses - so it'll have to remain one of those "tall tales" I'll bore kids with at the table when I'm an old fart!
post #13 of 54
post #14 of 54
Thread Starter 
Did it make any noise?

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro...
post #15 of 54
Myself on skis.
'nuff said
post #16 of 54
Great thread!

I have two.

First was a warm spring day in the mid-'lantic. Mid '80. This kid (maybe 10-12 y/o) comes down the hill in a flying wedge, little to no control. At the bottom of the hill, the snow ended, and the mud began. About 10-15 feet after the snow ended, there was a rope, and on the other side of the rope was a brick walkway going across from the lodge to the lift. This kid is back far enough that when he hits the mud he stays upright. But when he hit the rope, he stretched it forward, then it sprung him back. But as it sprung him back, the rope was just below his center of mass (a great use of CM, I'm tellin' ya), and it flipped him ass over, onto his back, in the mud. There were about 20 instructors lounging around in beach chairs to witness it. After we stopped rolling around laughing, we helped the poor kid out. I think he continued to ski in his mud covered clothes.

Second was a video we shot for an ex-SSD that put himself in intensive care for 2 weeks witha wreck into the woods during the Jimmy Heuga race. We basically created a beginner lesson from hell. The "instructor" did the whole lesson in his street shoes with a beer in hand, and the "students" made a complete mess of themselves. One guy skied into a briar patch between trails, then skied out of it, and straight into a lift tower (those pads are NOT soft - you can hear the thud on the tape, from a good 50 feet away.) Other "students" were drinking beers and dragging each other down as they fell. The whole thing was about an hour long and you have to watch it a few times because you laugh so hard you miss parts.
post #17 of 54
Saw something similiar to your 'mud king' ,John- wished I had a video camera and if there hadn't been a few others witnesses, nobody would have believed me.
This kid is coming down the hill fast toward the base lodge. It's apparent he's out of control and can't stop. The problem is the area directly in front of the lodge has no snow, it's just gravel. We start to make side bets on how far the kid will slide on the gravel. My bet says he'll make it to the lodge and kiss the wall ( about 25 feet ) . When the kid hits the gravel, his skis come to a sudden stop and he catapults forward, both bindings releasing. Somehow the kid manages to do a perfect mid air somersault and lands on his feet! His eyes are as wide as silver dollars and all us watching drop our jaws to the ground in disbelief. The kid ( after saying a silent prayer of thanks ) turns around and smiles at us ( he knew he was cool) picks up his skis and walks away without saying a word.
post #18 of 54
Sound? Click in and click out I suppose, it was along ago. I remember stopping and desperately hoping that somebody had seen it. But the reason that mountain is so glorious is that there is NEVER anybody else when you are out in the trees.

Other funny thing - seen it so many (hundreds) of times over the years of working full time on the slopes that I forget about it: netting fish. The safety nets all over the place of course catch skiers all the time, and the exclamations and body positions are usually entertaining. Off to the side of lift lines its often a 20ft drop so sometimes they'll get netted and then fall over the edge all twisted and entwined, sometimes taking several employees quite awhile to un-tangle them!

Funny thing I heard years ago. Was riding up lift on an average day (foot or two of fresh) and saw a guy struggling to keep up with his friend through the powder bumps below. He shouted (add heavy Texas acccent) "Hey Trey, my skis won't *bow* (pronouced "boawh") like yours. Your skis are bending and doing and bow thing, my skis just won't bow like that".
post #19 of 54
Every time I ride the lift and see someone comming down the slope, locked in a bent at the hips wedge,with their poles tucked up under their armpits I just have to laugh! On one occasion I was on a trip to Colorado, and saw a rather large man with a Texan accent, hootin and a hollerin,comming down the run out of controll, dressed in a white onepiece ski outfit with white cowboy hat take a digger into a puddle of spring snirt!Now that was funny! <FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by Beerman (edited July 09, 2001).]</FONT>
post #20 of 54
This wasn't funny when it happened, but now.... We were at Killington, and Mark got hit by a snowboarder. YAHD SALE!! I 'm much slower than he is, so I did not see the details. But suddenly. I look down, and "WHO THE H*LL LEFT A FREAKING SKI ON THE TRAIL!!!"
Too late! I trip on the ski, land on top of it, and it slides me partially down the mountain, where Mark is recovering from his yard sale. He's screaming "WHERE THE ^%$#@ IS MY &**#^%$ SKI?!!" and I say "ITS UNDER MY ***##### LEG!!!" He looks down and says, "Hey, thanks!"

Be Braver in your body, or your luck will leave you. DH Lawrence
post #21 of 54
The Burt Plate bindings on the feet of experts were a source of endless amusement. Who else here has had many experiences back in the day where a ski would pop off - you'd keep turning on one ski while the other retracted, and then twist right back into it! Happened to me in races a few times too. It was common back then, but always amusing!
post #22 of 54
Oh crap, I forgot about doing somersaults in those Burt bindings. A friend and I demo'd those at Big Sky one day. If you just dove for the ground, they would both pop off, then pop back on your feet in time to ski off. That was funny as hell!

Anybody here ski on the Nava System? I spent a day on it, was very skiable. But it did look kind of funny.

Hey what's down this run? SnoKarver
post #23 of 54
Did a demo day at Whistler w/piero gros on navas...weird.
A friend was sponsored during my freestyle fling by Burt (remember the Corky Fowler ads?), he kept breaking them...I started sponsorship with Hanson (only rear entries I have ever had), Hexcel and Alsop (I kept breaking them). The next year we both ended up on The Ski, Spademan and Scott (we kept breaking them). Anyway, a buddy who owns a shop in NM, was given an old pair of Burts to fix....never take'm apart....it has been ten yrs. and there are still pieces missing.
post #24 of 54
Ahh, but such fine memories... Like, totally rotary pushoff, man!

Used to bounce like freaking tigger in those turns... I bounced 'cause that's what Tiggers dooo! On my Renn Tiggers Tooo!

Hey what's down this run? SnoKarver
post #25 of 54
watching the rodeo race at steamboat Springs.
a bunch of cowboys, most didn't know how to ski or barely knew how to ski, all with Cowboy hats and chaps in an all out, no rules, winner take all race, to the bottom. Hooting and howling all the way down..
post #26 of 54
One of the funniest things I saw this year was a tele friend loosing it on the high traverse at alta – you could see him starting to loose it – pitched forward on one bump heading right into the next - comes off it still upright but even more forward then hits the next one stiff legged and the tumble begins. Just like a cartoon – a whirling ball with arms legs and skis sticking out everywhere. Tele tumbles are the best because the skis stay on. Best of all he was just fine.
post #27 of 54
"Do the Burt"

post #28 of 54
May 20, this year. Maybe not the funniest, but pretty funny. Killington, the only lift/trail was superstar? You had to walk about fifty yards down the hill from the lift to get to the snow. It was about 85 degrees. Upon arriving at the top, skis in hand, I see a fellow in full winter gear, goggles down, standing at the top of the run, skis (teal rossis 4k?) on. He's still fifty yards of rocks, dirt and grass from the snow. Does the racer's click of his poles and he's off, doing a zipperline through the rocks. He only falls once, hits the snow and doesn't stop until he reaches the bottom (I followed him) where he skis across another 20 yds of grass-dirt-rocks to a waiting lawn chair with a cooler next to it.
post #29 of 54
That IS funny, BG! and WAAAAY cool. Only at Killington...
post #30 of 54
In a similar endeavour;

At the ski area I worked at in my college days, our assistant director (now the race director at Northstar for the past 13 years) had an old pair of skis that he sanded the topskins, painted them white, then painted black sharks on them. On a warm spring day, he started in the cafeteria (upstairs), skied down the interior concrete stairs, turned right, waked about 50 feet out the door, then across about 50 feet of gravel to the lift. Took the lift up, skied down, then figure 11'd it toward the base, where he made it all the way across the gravel to the door of the "lodge". He walked through the doors, and up the stairs, and took the skis off. I don't think there was ANY ptex left, save the tips. Everyone was just *rolling* watching this event.
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