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Post your Tiger jokes here;

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 
 So Tiger Woods own several cars;

Now he has a hole-in-one.

There was a great Golfer that was known as Tiger;

Now they call him Cheetah.

What is the difference between a Luxury SUV and a golf ball?

Tiger Woods can drive one (but not the other) 400 yards.
post #2 of 19
He's had some real trouble with the back nine...
post #3 of 19
post #4 of 19
 So..what are the 10 tips? 
post #5 of 19
I'm sure that SNL will be all over that one
post #6 of 19
1.  I heard Titleist is talking about his wife getting an endorsment "Buy the club used to beat Tiger."

2.  It was basically just a job description problem--going around the country, getting it into the hole...
post #7 of 19
Here's a good site for them.  Some of my favorites.

Good ones:

Did you hear that Phil Mickelson called Elin Nordegren?
Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)
He asked her for some tips on beating Tiger.

Tiger's other women aren't misstresses.
Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)
They're provisionals.

Should have taken a mulligan on that drive.

Bad Ones:

Did you hear Nike's new motto?
Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)

Just do me.

Tiger has a new movie coming out. It's called Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.

Q: What is the difference between David Letterman’s wife and Tiger’s Wife?

Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)
A: Tiger’s wife hits consistently with the 5 iron.

After a hard round of gold, Tiger – like other golfers – celebrates at the 19th hole.
Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)
Also at the 20th

Just Plain Ugly Ones:

Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)
Apparently, Elin has signed a deal with TruTemper…she wasn’t too impressed with the reliability of a graphite shaft.

Even the mighty Hank Haney didn’t fix that particular schwing flaw

Tiger’s multitude of alleged affairs are now coming out of the “Woods”.

post #8 of 19
Can you imagine how good a golfer Tiger would have been if he actually went out and practiced every time he told his wife that's what he was doing?
post #9 of 19
Anybody else remember when Nick Faldo had that female caddy named Fanny?  I suspect that unless he goes through with the divorce that must be imminent, we might see Erin attached to him EVERYWHERE he goes.  Maybe she'll be carrying the bag if he ever gets to play golf again.
post #10 of 19
post #11 of 19
I just wasted $25 on a dvd " Tiger - my favourite 18 holes" 

You won't believe how disappointed I was when I found out that it's a golf dvd.
post #12 of 19
I just asked my girlfriend the big question!
She said no; she's never slept with Tiger Woods.

Tiger Woods has caught crabs from his seventh lover.
Which means his handicap is now definitely scratch
post #13 of 19
What is the difference between Sant and Tiger?

Santa stops at 3 Hoe's!
post #14 of 19
Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
Tiger Woods came a flyin', chased by his spouse..
She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry,
Cause a bimbo’s phone number was in his Blackberry.
He’d been cheatin' on Elin, and the story progressed.
Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.
He’d been cheatin’ with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,
With Joselyn, and Kalika. The world had the story.
From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,
Tiger’s sad sordid tale was all over the news.
With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,
When not in their pants, he was sendin' them texts.
Despite all his cryin’ and beggin' and pleadin',
Tiger’s wife went investin' -- a new home in Sweden.
And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,
"If you’re gettin' laid then I’m gettin' paid."
She’s not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,
Her prenup made Christmas come early this year.
post #15 of 19

A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.

The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.

The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeckable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.

The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker
successfully pecked the so-called 'impeckable' tree almost without
breaking a sweat.

Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the
Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?

After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:

Apparently,Tiger Woods was right, when he said, "your pecker gets harder when you're away from home."

post #16 of 19
The Frog and Golf

A man goes out golfing.

He is on the second hole when
he notices a frog sitting next to
the green.

He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot his 8 Iron when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."

The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.
Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."
He looks at the frog and decides to
prove the frog wrong, puts the 8 Iron
away, and grabs a 9 iron.


He hits it 10 inches from the cup.
He is shocked. He says to the frog,
"Wow that's amazing.

You must be a lucky frog,
The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."

The man decides to take the frog with
him to the next hole.

"What do you think frog?" the man asks.
"Ribbit 3 wood."

The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom!
Hole in one.

The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.

By the end of the day, the man golfed
The best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas."

"They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?"

The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette."

Upon approaching the roulette table,
the man asks, "What do you think I
should bet?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6."
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.

Tons of cash comes sliding back across
The table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel.

He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you
You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."

The frog replies,
"Ribbit Kiss Me."

He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it.

With a kiss, the frog turns into a
gorgeous girl.

"And that

is how the girl ended up in
my room Elin. So help me God or my name is not Tiger Woods."
post #17 of 19
Tiger will be having a press conference tomorrow to announce his new sponsor..

Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)
David Ducouvney
post #18 of 19
Did you hear that AT&T stopped sponsoring Tiger because they were jealous?
Yup, he's been in more hot spots than their 3G service.
post #19 of 19
Didja hear that Isleworth has banned Tiger from their course?
Yup, he's been black balled alright.
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