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Obituary - Common Sense

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 

An Obituary printed in the Times newspaper -

     Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who
     has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he
     was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red
     tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable
     lessons as:
      - Knowing when to come in out of the rain;

      - Why the early bird gets the worm;

      - Life isn’t always fair;

      - and maybe it was my fault.

     Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend
     more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not
     children, are in charge).

     His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but
     overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old
     boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens
     suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher
     fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his

      Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing
     the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their
     unruly children.


      It declined even further, when schools were required to get parental
     consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but
     could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to
     have an abortion.

      Common Sense lost the will to live, as the churches became
     businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their
     victims did.

      Common Sense took a beating when you could not defend yourself from
     a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

     Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed
     to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilt a little
     in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

     Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents -  Truth and Trust,
     by his wife - Discretion,  by his daughter - Responsibility, and by his
     son - Reason.

      He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;

      I Know My Rights

      I Want It Now

      Someone Else Is To Blame

      I'm A Victim

      Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

post #2 of 3
Not quite from the times, but good none the less.
post #3 of 3
Reminds me of an ad I saw on Craigslist here last year.

"Free sense of humor to the person that flagged my ad for a free brain"
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