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Old jokes that don't work any more

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 
What happened to the couple who got a jar of vaseline mixed up with a jar of putty?

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Their windows fell out.

If you're saying "Hmmmm?" you probably never lived in a house so old that its window panes were held in place by putty, as opposed to prefab  or replacement windows.  Another one that used to go over well was based on a McDonald's jingle they stopped using about 20 years ago. It was one of those long-winded stories with a contrived punch line that sounds like the jingle.  Such a shame I can't tell it any more.  You got any like that?
post #2 of 20
Two obese Patty's, special Ross, Lester Sleaze picking bunions on a Sesame Street bus?

Ah, the classics.
post #3 of 20
Thread Starter 
and Transporting a gull across a sedate lion for an immortal porpoise.
post #4 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mapnut View Post

What happened to the couple who got a jar of vaseline mixed up with a jar of putty?
 
Their windows fell out?  They would have fallen out with plain putty too, albeit they would have taken longer.  They needed glazing compound.  I've just spent the last three years re-glazing all of the many sash windows on my ski cabin.  A chore that will come around again after I'm dead, if I'm lucky.
post #5 of 20
You sound like a broken record
post #6 of 20
Several years (10 - 12) ago we took a friend of my daughters up to the cabin for a weekend.  They were about 8.

I suggested she phone her mom to let her know she had arrived safely.  She headed over to the phone, and just stood there with a strange look on her face.  She had never seen, and did not know how to use a dial phone.

"Dialing for dollars"??

Not strictly a joke, but I got a (quiet) chuckle out of it.
post #7 of 20
Thread Starter 
Sorry Posaune, the original joke had putty.  If it had been updated to glazing compound, it wouldn't have survived much longer.
post #8 of 20
Helen Keller jokes don't work anymore partially because few people know who Helen Keller was but mainly because they were very politically incorrect.
post #9 of 20
Not buying that, Rio.  Blazing Saddles is still funny.  
post #10 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bonni View Post

Not buying that, Rio.  Blazing Saddles is still funny.  

Sure is, but it was funnier when everybody knew about "Howard Johnson".
post #11 of 20
"You saw God?"
"Yeah, man.  I played Black Sabbath at 78 speed"
post #12 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rio View Post

Helen Keller jokes don't work anymore partially because few people know who Helen Keller was but mainly because they were very politically incorrect.


They may be politically incorrect but I still enjoy using them
post #13 of 20
Thread Starter 
Just remembered another one.  This dates back to when you would call up an operator to have her dial a number for you.  (Jimmy P, at least, remembers "dialing".)  Anyway,

Little boy:  Opewator, pweethe give me teben twee twee, too too teben twee.

Operator:  Excuse me?  Please repeat that number.

Little boy:  Pweethe give me teben twee twee, too too teben twee.

Operator:  I'm sorry, little boy, I can't understand you.  You'll have to speak more clearly.

Little boy:  Opewator, do you know how to pway "twick the tewephone?"

Operator:   No, how do you play "twick the telephone"?

Little boy:  Twick it up your ath, and give me teben twee twee, too too teben twee.
Edited by Mapnut - 12/4/09 at 4:55pm
post #14 of 20
 Mapnut, every time you pop in, I'm sure to laugh, even if its a laugh out of lameness... Thanks!
post #15 of 20
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trekchick View Post

 . . .  even if its a laugh out of lameness... Thanks!

Umm . . . you're welcome?
post #16 of 20
 Wasn't it you  who had a great exchange a few years ago with regional humour?  
I should look it up some time and bump it,  IIRC it was hilarious!
post #17 of 20
Thread Starter 
I might have been involved, but the prime movers were some Yoopies.
post #18 of 20
post #19 of 20
Q.  What time is it when two Fords cross a bridge.

A.  Tin after tin.


Yeah, I didn't get it when my Dad told that one 55 years ago.  They used ta' call Fords "Tin Lizzies" ... so you had to be pretty ancient ... like in the 20's they may have laughed at that one.
post #20 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yuki View Post

Q.  What time is it when two Fords cross a bridge.

A.  Tin after tin.


Yeah, I didn't get it when my Dad told that one 55 years ago.  They used ta' call Fords "Tin Lizzies" ... so you had to be pretty ancient ... like in the 20's they may have laughed at that one.
Might work with Toyotas in a couple of years..
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