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Really Bad Puns

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 
We have really bad jokes, how about really bad puns.

Share my pain!  

1. The roundest knight at King Arthurs Round Table was Sir Cumference.  He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A
slingshot was confiscated in an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, You stay here, I'll go on a head.

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, Keep off the Grass.

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, No change yet.

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21 A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In a democracy, its your vote that counts. In feudalism, its your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects! 

post #2 of 19

Why was the vulture stopped from boarding a plane?  He was violating the two carrion limit.

post #3 of 19
my daughter said that she had math and spanish homework.  I replied : ah Csquared.
post #4 of 19
She was only a farmer's daughter, but all the horsemen knew 'er.
post #5 of 19
Knock Knock
post #6 of 19
Thread Starter 
Who's there?
post #7 of 19
post #8 of 19
knock knock ?
post #9 of 19
who's there ??????????
post #10 of 19
knock knock !!!!!!!!!!!!
post #11 of 19
orange ........................
post #12 of 19
knock knock ......
post #13 of 19
who's there ?????
post #14 of 19
orange !!!!!!!!!!
post #15 of 19
 Who's there?
post #16 of 19
Thread Starter 
Sorry Yuki.

"Orange who??"
post #17 of 19
orange you glad I didn't say "Knock Knock" again!
post #18 of 19
Two for the price of one: bad joke and bad pun

What did the priest say when he discovered an orgy in the choir loft?

"Dear Lord! Choral sex!"
post #19 of 19
So this Epicski bear thought he was a great punster; he sent 10 of his best in to a local newspaper's pun contest.  He thought he would certainly win with one of those ten fine puns...

But no pun in ten did.
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