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Finally....The Man Rules

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys' side of the story.

We always hear " the rules"  From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

Please note.. These are all numbered "1 "


1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports.  It's like the full moon
Or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No - - are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.      That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat,  DON’T ASK WHAT WE THINK.  JUST GO work out; u control what size you are.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best h ow to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss baseball, BEER OR golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1.. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.


(Note, instructions from wife, the sender of the rules: Really funny, but don't try to enforce these because you will die! )


Thus rendering the Man Rules Null and Void 

Edited by Alpinord - 5/29/2009 at 02:31 pm GMT
post #2 of 5

Awesome, but not within the juristiction of your mother-in-law's residence

post #3 of 5

I particularly appreciate rule #1. 

post #4 of 5


this should be in the lounge, but what the heck:



Woman's Perfect Day

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses

8:30 Weigh-in 5 lbs lighter than yesterday

8:45 Breakfast in bed-freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants;open presents- expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner

9:15 Soothing hot bath with fran gipani bath oil

10:00 Light work-out at club with sexy, funny personal trainer  < /FONT>

10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition, blow wave

12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor café

12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notice that she has gained 22lbs

1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit
< /FONT>

3:00 Nap

4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from secret admirer

4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk-says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body

5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe

7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/ dancers

10:00 Hot shower- alone

10:50 Carried to bed. freshly ironed, crisp, white linen

11:00 Pillow talk, ligh t touching and cuddling

11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms


A Man's Perfect Day

6:00 Alarm

6:15 Blow job

6:30 Massive, satisfying shit while reading the sports section

7:00 Breakfast-steak and egg s, coffee and toast-all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot

7:30 Limo arrives

7:45 Several bloody marys&n bsp;  en route to the airport

9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet

9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route)

9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)

11:45 Lunch-steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Peringon
< /B>

12 :15 Blow job

12:30 Play back nine (4 under)

< /FONT>
2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)

2:30 Fly to Bahamas

3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also b end over a lot

4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)-on light tackle
< /FONT>
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle Macpherson

6:45 Shit, shower and shave

7:00 Watch news-Michael Jackson assassinated

7:30 Dinner-lobster appetizers, Dom Peringon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits

9:30 Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies

11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer

11:30 Night-cap blow job

11:45 In bed alone

11:50 A 22-second fart which change s note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room

11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep


post #5 of 5

LMAO from above post

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