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Ole and Sven in Hell

post #1 of 2
Thread Starter 

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, and go to
Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves.

He says to them 'Doesn't the heat and smoke bother you?" Ole replies,
'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Michigan, da land of snow an ice, an
ve're yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, don't ya know.'

The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the
heat even more. When he returns to the room of the two guys from Michigan's
Upper Peninsula, the devil finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling
Walleye and drinking beer.

The devil is astonished and exclaims, 'Everyone down here is in abject
misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves?' Sven replies, 'Vell,
ya know, ve don't git too much varm veather up dere at da Soo, so ve've
yust got ta haff a fish fry vhen da veather's dis nice.'

The devil is absolutely furious. He can hardly see straight. Finally he
comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been
cold all their lives.

The devil decides to turn all the heat off in Hell. The next morning, the
temperature is 60 below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, and people
are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail, moan or gnash their
teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with Ole and Sven. He gets
there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. They
are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men. The
devil is dumbfounded, 'I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're
happy. Now its freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong with you

They both look at the devil in surprise and say, "Vell, don't ya know; if
hell is froze over, dat must mean da Lions von da Super Bowl!

post #2 of 2

Muslim QB

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.


He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.


Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.


"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl. The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you, the old Muslim woman says. "You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit!"

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