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Let the Dorkfest Begin...

post #1 of 166
12/28/08 at 3:09pm
Thread Starter 
*Warning* If you are easily offended or do some of the things described below and take exception, well I forewarned you. DO NOT READ ON.

Every year around this time, ski towns get mobbed by the very lifeblood that pays the bills; skiers from other regions. I'm not talking about your one-time a year type of tourist here [I'm fine with them], I'm talking about the somewhat seasoned skier that comes in from afar. We have to endure this breed for nearly the rest of the season. A partial list of shake-your-head behavior:

- Skiing across a [partially] snow covered parking lot to get to the car. Come on folks, don't be so frickin' lazy, not to mention the wonderful asphalt base grind you will receive.

- CADS or any other 'ski improvement device'. Look up cads.com if you haven't heard of it. Lame.

- Using the term 'Gaper'. You're one yourself if you use it.

- Bent [racing] poles when freeskiing. Get ahold of yourself. You're not here to win the Olympic gold medal. Not even a NASTAR medal warrants these.

- [Insert ski resort here] Ski Team jackets. We're not impressed. We have plenty of own racer-chasers to deal with.

- [Insert ski resort here] Ski School jackets. Not impressed either. Shouldn't you be working at your home hill?

- Flags on poles. We can see you a mile away with your neon jacket anyway.

- Powder leashes. Even worse: when they hang out in the lift line.

- Powder Boards on a hard pack day or anything less than 6" of new. Lame.

- Calling it 'Pow Pow'. Finish the word, please.

- Safety Bar slammers. I still have a lump on my head from last week. At least wait until the freakin' chair leaves the terminal, then ask. Don't be amazed when someone says 'No'. Not everyone wants/needs to use them.

- All Carvers, all the time. You've seen them, the gorilla lookin' turns that these skiers so obsessively practice all day long. Fer Christ's sake - learn some diversity in your turns. You look incredibly boring and one dimensional.

- Whooping and hollering in powder. Save your energy. You will need it because you are leaning back so far that your thighs are burning as it is.

- Stickers of [insert ski area or snowboard/ski brand here] on lift towers. Graffiti up yer own neighborhood.

- Neoprene face masks. Leave those beauties for your home arctic ski hill.

Yes, I'm a grizzled curmudgeon. I fully admit it. Oh yeah....enjoy your vacation while here. We really do need your money

TeleProphet - the seer.
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post #2 of 166
12/28/08 at 3:31pm
can I add

-straightlining green and blue runs because you really cant ski

-one piece snowsuit for you and your whole family

-smoking on the chairlift, some people came here so that they could breath fresher air

-taking their kids down every run in a power wedge instead of actually letting the kids learn how to ski on easier runs

-people who dont group up when there is lift lines

-people who dont pay attention and cause the chairlift to stop

-people who talk on cell phone while skiing

-adults wearing jester hats, do you actually think this looks cool when 52?
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post #3 of 166
12/28/08 at 3:41pm
Hey man - those DH poles help me get into a seriously aerodynamic tuck so I can blast those fatties back to the lift at the speed of light. And where the hell would you like me to fire it up? On the traverse? Gapers.....

No really tho - I use DH poles when riding lifts. And I love it when gapers let their powpow cords trail on traverses. It's like flag football.
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post #4 of 166
12/28/08 at 3:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Powdr View Post
- Calling it 'Pow Pow'. Finish the word, please.
What is your user name again?
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post #5 of 166
12/28/08 at 3:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Powdr View Post
- CADS or any other 'ski improvement device'. Look up cads.com if you haven't heard of it. Lame.
No way this is real.

From their website:
Quote:
"I can’t imagine how I’d fall with CADS"
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post #6 of 166
12/28/08 at 3:56pm
Don't forget over-the-hill ski bums living on mommy and daddy, or already "retired" because of some bs disability and a medical weed card!
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post #7 of 166
12/28/08 at 4:15pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Powdr View Post
*- Safety Bar slammers. I still have a lump on my head from last week. At least wait until the freakin' chair leaves the terminal, then ask. Don't be amazed when someone says 'No'. Not everyone wants/needs to use them.

.
All great, except this one. With me, it's coming down, politely and with warning, but it is coming down. Sorry. A lift here had a string of violent stops one week. We lost six people overboard, one broke an ankle, one broke a wrist. They all had the bar up.

Plus my gaper feet suffer from poor circulation without the foot rest.

For the record, in all my time skiing, I've never had someone refuse . I would be amazed.
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post #8 of 166
12/28/08 at 4:37pm
I'm kind of surprised Oregon hasn't made those bars mandatory!
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post #9 of 166
12/28/08 at 4:39pm
dude, i think your pretty harsh, i mean if you dont like all this, what the hell do you like? i know you put the disclaimer, but im just interested. i mean not everyone fits my likings, but i can deal with it. the only people i dont like are the stupid kids that go in the park when you have been waiting and they just got there, or that yell stupid stuff (some kids were just dropping the f bomb and yelling about smoking on the lift, they were pretty dam immature). but i mean, chill out... im sure you were a "gaper" at one time... you had no idea how to ski, you or mommy and daddy dressed you in goofy clothes. go easy man... you have mad high standards.

and cmon, who doesnt love shredding the pow pow?
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post #10 of 166
12/28/08 at 4:56pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by starfish View Post
Don't forget over-the-hill ski bums living on mommy and daddy, or already "retired" because of some bs disability and a medical weed card!
How do you get to be one of these? I really need to know!
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post #11 of 166
12/28/08 at 5:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by newfydog View Post
All great, except this one. With me, it's coming down, politely and with warning, but it is coming down. Sorry. A lift here had a string of violent stops one week. We lost six people overboard, one broke an ankle, one broke a wrist. They all had the bar up.

Plus my gaper feet suffer from poor circulation without the foot rest.

For the record, in all my time skiing, I've never had someone refuse . I would be amazed.
I agree 100% here.
I don't ask people if they WANT it down...I just let them know it's coming down. Completely stupid and pointless to not use them. Even if one person out of four on a quad wants it, they should get it. Anybody who tries to refuse should get pulled.
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post #12 of 166
12/28/08 at 5:17pm
I don't care about the bar either way, as long as the person calls out a warning before dropping it. But I dig Alta because it eliminates the whole issue (no bars) and lets me focus on the other annoying items on the list when I visit
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post #13 of 166
12/28/08 at 5:25pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Powdr View Post
Yes, I'm a grizzled curmudgeon.
Probably can't ski for sh!t. Your list is ridiculous. You sound like a guy who thinks he's too cool for school. If I saw you on the hill I would put you in your place real fast.
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post #14 of 166
12/28/08 at 7:03pm
Spontaneous expression of joy annoy you or is it expression of joy from those with less than perfect technique that annoy you?
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post #15 of 166
12/28/08 at 7:07pm
Don't worry about it. Keep trying, you will eventually learn how to carve.
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post #16 of 166
12/28/08 at 7:13pm
Am I allowed to call myself a gaper when I freeski with my GS poles?
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post #17 of 166
12/28/08 at 7:24pm
Bitch, bitch, bitch.

FYI, putting down the bar on the lift is legally required in some states. Having NO bar is standard at some areas.

Bitch, bitch, bitch.
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post #18 of 166
12/28/08 at 7:25pm
Thrilled they help keep; the lifts turning just wish they didn't all ski in giant packs.

Safety bar rant is another thread.
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post #19 of 166
12/28/08 at 7:29pm
Let's rename this thread "Top Ten Things to do at an EpicSki Gathering"
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post #20 of 166
12/28/08 at 7:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Powdr
- CADS or any other 'ski improvement device'. Look up cads.com if you haven't heard of it. Lame.


Quote:
Originally Posted by RonSki View Post
No way this is real.

From their website:

I saw a woman at solitude using these just last week.

she also had rear entry boots, sat way back, skied in a huge wedge most of the time. her clothes matched the era of many of the photos on the website. wondered how things would work on the chair lift but didnt wait that long
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post #21 of 166
12/28/08 at 7:39pm
And the ski season is just getting hot
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post #22 of 166
12/28/08 at 8:02pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by BushwackerinPA View Post
can I add

-smoking on the chairlift, some people came here so that they could breath fresher air
Fresher air is better for a cigarette, don't you know anything?!
Which is a worse offense for me, smoking on the chairlift or not having pow pow skis on a pow pow day? I suppose I could go full euro race coach and wear carvers and smoke on a powder day!
Actually, I've given it up so it's moot. Besides, I only smoked cloves. I do prefer a bar to lean on with a smoke though. Hey, does snowbird have bars on the chairs?
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post #23 of 166
12/28/08 at 8:23pm
This stuff bothers you? Why do you care?
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post #24 of 166
12/28/08 at 9:10pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Powdr View Post
*Warning* If you are easily offended or do some of the things described below and take exception, well I forewarned you. DO NOT READ ON.

- Calling it 'Pow Pow'. Finish the word, please.
I call it pow pow... and I would not like to finish the word...

And guys, you sound really picky about this list. C'mon; he gave us the warning so what were you expecting?
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post #25 of 166
12/28/08 at 9:37pm
I want to know how they designed a stick that can produce a downward force AND an upward force at exactly the same time?
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post #26 of 166
12/28/08 at 9:48pm
Quote:
Don't forget over-the-hill ski bums living on mommy and daddy, or already "retired" because of some bs disability and a medical weed card!
Yeah, them old disabled folks with cancer who probably couldn't ski without the weed 'cuz the chemo is so debilatating... sure wouldn't want them enjoying what time they have left, would we?

dickheads...
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post #27 of 166
12/28/08 at 9:49pm
I get funny looks when I have my super-fat skis on a hardpack day. What they (and you) don't realize is that I'm doing untracked sidecountry laps and only riding the lifts in order to access it.
P.S.- Fat skis are not just for heliskiing.
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post #28 of 166
12/28/08 at 9:51pm
Rode the gondola at Keystone today with three early 20's Texans. One guy kept talking about "shreding the backcountry". I was pretty much ignoring the whole thing but my son pointed out later that he was rocking 150 rental skis.
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post #29 of 166
12/28/08 at 9:52pm
Quote:
- All Carvers, all the time. You've seen them, the gorilla lookin' turns that these skiers so obsessively practice all day long. Fer Christ's sake - learn some diversity in your turns. You look incredibly boring and one dimensional.
atleast their not cutting across the trail and going slow... i hate those people a lot more than the people that blow by me...

Quote:
Don't forget over-the-hill ski bums living on mommy and daddy, or already "retired" because of some bs disability and a medical weed card!
i know a ton of ski bums that dont live off mommy and daddy and are truly "pow pow" freaks that make what ever money they can by finding jobs on craigslist so they can ski or board. i think thats the definition of a ski bum... would really be a bum if you had steady funding... you would just be a skier... does that blow your mind?
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post #30 of 166
12/28/08 at 9:53pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by skiking4 View Post
And guys, you sound really picky about this list. C'mon; he gave us the warning so what were you expecting?
x5... I can't believe people are complaining about this list, I think it's meant to be humorous.
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