Here is a list of exercises that I use to get ready for the ski season:
Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.
Soak your ski gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.
Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.
If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.
Throw away a one-hundred dollar bill now.
Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, an accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Drop things on a random basis.
Place a small but sharp pebble in your shoes. Line your shoes with crushed ice. Now tighten a c-clamp around your toes.
Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one of them away.
Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.
Go to McDonald’s and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you get into the longest line.
Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket inflict multiple lacerations on your exposed face.
Drive slowly for five hours – anywhere – just so long as it’s in a snowstorm and you’re following an eighteen-wheeler.
Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip down your collar and into your clothes.
Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them all off because you have to go to the bathroom.
Slam your thumb in a car door. Don’t go see a Doctor.
Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until ski season.
Sorry, couldn't resist.