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One word or two?

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 
One word or two?

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.

Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.

'I would like it infrequently' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered,

'Is that one word or two?'
post #2 of 9
That has to be one of ,if not your best joke ever. Thanks Oboe
post #3 of 9
Nicely done.
post #4 of 9
That's a good one!

It reminds me of a interview I heard with the artist Andrew Wyeth years ago. The interviewer tried to get the artist to talk a little about his sex life, so Wyeth said, "if I had to describe it in two words, it would be "twice weekly..."

And he paused for effect:

"...that's weekly with an 'a'."
post #5 of 9
oboe! Nice!
May I add,

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old.
It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.
He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the
rain.' And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents.
Naturally, they take the bike there.
But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you
Something about my family before we go in.'
When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.'
No problem,' he says.
And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.
In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.
So he leans over and kisses Sandra.
No one says a word.
So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.
Still, nobody says a word.
So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and does her right there, in front of her parents.His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom.
She's got a great body,' he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her
over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table.
Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.
Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, 'Hey, no problem, I'll do the dishes!
post #6 of 9
Good one!
post #7 of 9
As long as we're on oldsters and bicycles....

A crusty old biker, on a summer ride in the country, walks into a roadside bar and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
HAND JOB: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the
bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender.

'Yes?' she inquires with a knowing smile, 'can I help you?'

'I was wondering,' whispers the old biker,'are you the young lady who gives the hand-jobs?'

'Yes,' she purrs, 'I sure am.'

The old biker replies, 'Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger.'
post #8 of 9
A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning
into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank
him endlessly. A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event.

The reporter addressing the biker says, 'Sir, this was the most
gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life.'The biker replies, 'Why, it was nothing, eally. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.'The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist from the New York Times, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?''The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.'The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to see if it
indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on front page:
post #9 of 9
Very Funny
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