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Bedtimes Virus

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
If you receive an email entitled 'Bedtimes'
Delete it IMMEDIATELY.
Do not open it.

Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.

It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.


It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.

It will program your phone auto dial to call only 0898 numbers.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.


IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING.

It will drink ALL your beer.

FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING? ?


It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table
when you are expecting company.


It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine.


If the 'Bedtimes' message is opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.


It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.


***WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. ***


And if you don't share this with 5000 people in 20 seconds, you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you.



THERE'S A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD!


Right now, as you read this, 17 Million people are having SEX!!!


And look at you - you're on the computer .....
post #2 of 14
Maybee I was having sex when I was reading all of this.
post #3 of 14
It's possible, Yuki. I read it in <4 minutes and that's about the time it takes to....
post #4 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yuki View Post
Maybee I was having sex when I was reading all of this.
I know Bill Clinton changed the definition of what is, or isn't, considered sex. But it still requires a partner by all definitions.
post #5 of 14
Mother Thumb and her four willing dau ........
post #6 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yuki View Post
Mother Thumb and her four willing dau ........
Never heard of her. I have heard of Rosy Palm and her 5 Merry Sisters!
post #7 of 14
This thread could easily deteriorate to euphemisms for the great male leisure activity, like
Spank Hank
Buff the banana
Choke Kojak
Wring the weasel
Clobber the Kleenex
Ride the handcar
Polish the penguin
Varnish the flagpole
Burp the worm

But that's a subject we can't discuss here and should be taken to the Lounge, where it will degrade even further, and would be big fun until it's closed by moderation.
post #8 of 14
You left out .... wax the carrot ...
post #9 of 14
Let's not forget...

fly fishing
toss off (for our European brethren)
polish and gloss the antler
make the hooded cobra spit
summon the genie
take your snake for a gallop
mangle the midget


Are you getting an idea yet? Come on, get CREATIVE!
post #10 of 14
Playing a little "pocket pool" .......

which is OK .... :

Just as long as you aren't playing an .... away game ...
post #11 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by feallen View Post
If you receive an email entitled 'Bedtimes'
Delete it IMMEDIATELY.
Do not open it.

Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.


And look at you - you're on the computer .....
This was a good one - needed that thanks!

(no list of euphemisms sorry
post #12 of 14
There was a list of the females versions on these colorful names.
post #13 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by Philpug View Post
There was a list of the females versions on these colorful names.
Are ye trying to start something, laddie?:
post #14 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bonni View Post
Let's not forget...

fly fishing
toss off (for our European brethren)
polish and gloss the antler
make the hooded cobra spit
summon the genie
take your snake for a gallop
mangle the midget


Are you getting an idea yet? Come on, get CREATIVE!
spank the monkey (UK version of mangle the midget)
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