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Australian Tourism

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
Apparently, these are postings from an Australian Tourism website, and the actual responses from the website officials:



Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.



Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.



Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.



Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?



Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (USA)

A: Africa is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Australia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.



Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.



Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.



Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Austria is that quaint little country bordering Germany, which is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.



Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?



Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.



Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in America which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.



Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.



Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.



Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay night clubs.



Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.



Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
post #2 of 12
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Now I gotta change my pants and clean the screen.

I had seen a couple of those before.

Townsville .... in about 1969 .... :

Still had a separate section for "Abos" in the movie house where they sat on canvas straps. What I found odd was that Aussie women thought nothing of dating black American GI's but "Abo's" were taboo. So much for conventional thought regarding racism with color as the sole criteria.

Had movies that came out before they were released in "The States" as a test market.

My buddy was bitten by his girlfriends pet "Roo".

Look left before stepping into traffic! :

Great and cheap fish & chips and huge steaks too! :
post #3 of 12
Ha! I believe it!

When we were getting ready to move to Australia in 1985, a friend asked me, "It's so exciting that you're going to Australia!! How long will it take you to drive there?":
post #4 of 12
It's easy to get Alabama mixed up with Australia.
post #5 of 12
Turns out this is an urban legend. It's been circulating on the internet for at least 8 years. http://www.snopes.com/travel/foreign/olympics.asp

That said, my cousins in Kansas named their Australian shepherd dog Schnitzel.
post #6 of 12
More good stuff in there ............ but ....... :

Bring your own toilet paper to Australia.

They haven't quite figured out that using shiny, smooth waxy type butcher paper is ..... well ..... kind of futile.

I tried to be a discrete as I could ... but you get the picture. :

One person tried to convince me that this was only in government buildings and military bases. Well, the fish & chips place in Townsville must be operated by the Australian CIA (?) .... because .....
post #7 of 12
Were there 'bugs' in your chips?

Hey, too bad that wasn't a dachshund....."And this is my wiener, Schnitzel."

post #8 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yuki View Post
More good stuff in there ............ but ....... :

Bring your own toilet paper to Australia.

They haven't quite figured out that using shiny, smooth waxy type butcher paper is ..... well ..... kind of futile.

I tried to be a discrete as I could ... but you get the picture. :

One person tried to convince me that this was only in government buildings and military bases. Well, the fish & chips place in Townsville must be operated by the Australian CIA (?) .... because .....
Yuki.. things have changed in the last 40 years.

Our dunny rolls are great, mate!
post #9 of 12
Dunny rolls? ............

A great gag to pull on an Americun tourist in a restaurant ..... "would you like your sandwich on bread or a dunny roll sir" .....

:..... wiki origins ... slang from a "dunnakin" .... a privy or non flushing toilet ....
post #10 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yuki View Post
Dunny rolls? ............

A great gag to pull on an Americun tourist in a restaurant ..... "would you like your sandwich on bread or a dunny roll sir" .....

:..... wiki origins ... slang from a "dunnakin" .... a privy or non flushing toilet ....
Many years ago my Aunt geve me the "Austrailian Shower Songbook" for Christmas. It was a yellow plastic book with a yellow plastic loop it could be hung in the shower. One of the songs in it was called something like "Red Ring On the Bum From the Toilet"

The following year I gave it to my brother in law for Christmas. Then the next year he gave it back to me.... every year the gift wrap on the book would get more creative and restrictive-like nailing it into a wooden box or locking it in a home safe with no key, etc..

He's no longer my brother in law and i never got the book back
post #11 of 12
funny stuff - Aussies I've met are usually characters. And the women are usually really hot too
post #12 of 12
Hehehehe! Thats pretty funny.....I had a hard time once trying to convince an American in Hawaii that tassie devils were in fact real animals and not cartoon characters.
Of course it works both ways,we are coming over to the states with my sister in law to see Disneyland etc and said we would go over to Santa Monica for a day.....her reply "but isn`t that all the way over in California",be a long time until she lives that one down.
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