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Amorous woodpecker

post #1 of 28
4/11/08 at 7:12pm
Thread Starter 
An amorous woodpecker has decided that the best way to attract women is to perch on the metal furnace flue of my house and furiously peck at it.......at 6:00 AM or whenever he thinks it's appropriate. It sounds like a jackhammer is at work on the roof. It reverberates throughout the house .....BAP, BAP, BAP, BAP, BAP, BAP. I have to go outside and chase the stupid thing away but he always comes back. He tried this last spring with no success.

What is the solution?
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post #2 of 28
4/11/08 at 7:18pm
There are numerous dating services out there. Some specialize in situations like this. Give your credit card number, including the 4 digit security code, to anyone who asks for it on the internet . . .
soon you will have other things to deal with that a sexually frustrated bird.
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post #3 of 28
4/11/08 at 7:20pm
Watch that bird like a freakin "hawk".

I had a mocking bird a few years back pecking at my top flue chimney cap ... one of those galvanized steel tops with the holes and after few weeks of "pecking" ... that little bastid actually was twisting the metal back and had opened enough to start a nest.

Not good when it could come to blocking a chimney with monoxide!

I foiled his evil plot with one made of stainless steel ... but that sucker tried for another week.
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post #4 of 28
4/11/08 at 7:35pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
pecking at my top flue chimney cap ... one of those galvanized steel tops with the holes and after few weeks of "pecking" ... that little bastid actually was twisting the metal back and had opened enough to start a nest.

Not good when it could come to blocking a chimney with monoxide!
That's the current synopsis here too. Kind of what I'm afraid of too besides the noise.

It's illegal to discharge firearms in the city limits or it would be an ex-woodpecker at this point. Why can't it go peck on the local trees???:
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post #5 of 28
4/11/08 at 8:15pm
A bb or pellet gun doesn't make much noise but the problem with that is in NJ it's illegal to have one.

I considered a paint ball gun but .... though legal ... it would be illegal if the ball flew off your property and on a high chimney shot, that is a no brainer. A paint ball would probably put Mrs. Pecker into a puff of feathers .... those suckers pack some punch!

The stainless steel ... the bird gave up after about a week ... the stainless was too tough ..... but even that galvanized was pretty tough but it was opened like a tuna can.
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post #6 of 28
4/11/08 at 8:21pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
it would be illegal if the ball flew off your property and on a high chimney shot, that is a no brainer.
I have an open field behind my house.....no houses, just an ex-prairie dog town. Hmmmmm....
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post #7 of 28
4/11/08 at 8:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by daysailer1 View Post
Why can't it go peck on the local trees???:
It likes the noise.

I've got an amorous robin that fights his reflection in my bedroom every morning. I've tried tying ribbons to the nearby trees and even sticking post-it notes to the window. To no avail.

Bright and early at 5 am: Thunk! Thunk! Thunk!
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post #8 of 28
4/12/08 at 5:13am
Quote:
Originally Posted by daysailer1 View Post
An amorous woodpecker has decided that the best way to attract women is to perch on the metal furnace flue of my house and furiously peck at it.......at 6:00 AM or whenever he thinks it's appropriate. It sounds like a jackhammer is at work on the roof. It reverberates throughout the house .....BAP, BAP, BAP, BAP, BAP, BAP. I have to go outside and chase the stupid thing away but he always comes back. He tried this last spring with no success.

What is the solution?
Maybe it's you that the bird wants. Have you considered its feelings? Have you considered having sex with it? I think you're a bit callous.
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post #9 of 28
4/12/08 at 5:49am
It is working....he got your attention

See!
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post #10 of 28
4/12/08 at 6:06am
We had woodpeckers and flickers. No more since Mr. Owl arrived.
525x525px-LL-vbattach3113.jpg
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post #11 of 28
4/12/08 at 9:11am
Dang, I thought this was about my ex boyfriend.

Yes, owls work well. It needs to be on your roof though. My neighbor has one on his garage roof, not 50 feet from my suet feeder.... which attracts woodpeckers.
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post #12 of 28
4/12/08 at 9:51am
the eyes on your owl are something else. Do they glow in the dark?
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post #13 of 28
4/12/08 at 11:57am
We have some of those birds around here too. (Fortunately on the neighbor's house, no mine, but it's loud enough). At first I thought they were too stupid to realize there weren't any bugs in an aluminum flue, but now I think you are right -- they like they way it makes a big manly noise. If the owl doesn't work, maybe you can figure out a way to make it reverberate less, giving him less of a payoff.
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post #14 of 28
4/12/08 at 8:02pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by sno'more View Post
the eyes on your owl are something else. Do they glow in the dark?
Before you pursue this line of questions, you may wnat to know whether the owl is married.
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post #15 of 28
4/12/08 at 8:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bonni View Post
Dang, I thought this was about my ex boyfriend.

Yes, owls work well. It needs to be on your roof though. My neighbor has one on his garage roof, not 50 feet from my suet feeder.... which attracts woodpeckers.
You often said that your ex-boyfriend is a pecker.
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post #16 of 28
4/12/08 at 8:06pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by oboe View Post
You often said that your ex-boyfriend is a pecker.
You've got it wrong, but close. Peckerwood.
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post #17 of 28
4/14/08 at 10:30am
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post #18 of 28
4/14/08 at 10:54am
Go to Walmart or equal and buy a kid's pinwheel with the metalized plastic blades on a plastic stick. Affix the pinwheel near the spot where the woodpecker is doing his thing. The pinwheel flashes will scare away the bird with out the risk of killing a song bird.
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post #19 of 28
4/14/08 at 3:01pm
Yes, but you get none of the satisfaction of watching the bird dissolve in a cloud of red colored smoke from the well placed shot.





I will now go report myself to the ASPCA.
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post #20 of 28
4/14/08 at 6:57pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
It is working....he got your attention
A big bear got my attention 6 years ago when it came charging at me at Difficult Campground outside Aspen while I was putting up my tent. I let it be known it was not welcome.....it never came back. Smart bear. (No, I didn't have any food out, I just got there.)


Quote:
Maybe it's you that the bird wants. Have you considered its feelings? Have you considered having sex with it? I think you're a bit callous.
I'll give the bird directions to Aspen. I think he'd like it better over there. He can pester you and that bear.




I thought about this at 6 AM but decided I may take out the vent and some shingles at the same time. Seems like a nice shotgun.



Tentative Action plan:
1) kid's pinwheel.
2) Mr. Owl (unmarried)
3) garden hose
4) Daisy bb gun
5) paintball gun

Rejected:
a round from the .38 Smith & Wesson
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post #21 of 28
4/14/08 at 7:38pm
Heh - they do like the best sounding boards.

Got a lot of them lil peckers around here. Flickers, Sapsuckers and Pileated Woodpeckers. It's the Norther Flickers that seek to make the best soundings. They're all over doing it all day long right now.


Couple of years ago a Flicker found the large Burglar Alarm Bell hanging on the outside of my house at 5:00am. It hangs on the wall behind the headboard of my bed. Was sound asleep when that pecker started wailing on it. 'Bout had a heart attack.

He came back to a waiting, well-aimed hose on the second morning. I just had to turn the valve release by the front door. Hasn't come back to the Bell since. Now he just works the neighbors metal chimney cap.

.ma
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post #22 of 28
4/15/08 at 4:55am
add:

6. String of cherry bombs or crackers w long fuse.
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post #23 of 28
4/15/08 at 6:26am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yuki View Post
A bb or pellet gun doesn't make much noise but the problem with that is in NJ it's illegal to have one.

I considered a paint ball gun but .... though legal ... it would be illegal if the ball flew off your property and on a high chimney shot, that is a no brainer. A paint ball would probably put Mrs. Pecker into a puff of feathers .... those suckers pack some punch!

The stainless steel ... the bird gave up after about a week ... the stainless was too tough ..... but even that galvanized was pretty tough but it was opened like a tuna can.
That paintball gun would do a fantastic job making your chimney avant garde

BB guns illegal? That cracks me up. I suppose shotguns with double 00 buck shot are perfectly legal

I would try cranking up the furnace and give the little pecker a hot foot.:
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post #24 of 28
4/15/08 at 7:23am

The CaddyShack Montage

Starring Daysailer1 and the Woodpecker, played by the Gopher:



(Actually, this is closer to our real life adventures due to very busy gophers.)

Regarding woodpeckers, creating 'discomfort' for them to be pecking away at unwanted targets seems to work without harm. The hose, a well targeted projectile or two, etc seems to work easily and effectively.
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post #25 of 28
4/15/08 at 7:35am
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunValley View Post
We had woodpeckers and flickers. No more since Mr. Owl arrived.
We put up an owl at my grandparents house and the dang birds started pecking the owl! My parents tied old CDs to a rope across their pool and it drastically reduced the amount of bird crap around the pool deck.
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post #26 of 28
4/15/08 at 11:31am
Well, after reading all of this great, illegal and humerous advise, I'm reluctant to give the real answer. If you are ready for a divorce from your amorous friend, buy the Scarecrow motion detector sprinkler. This clever contraption detects anything coming within range and fires off a spray of water. That should put a damper on your woodpecker. Once your bird problems are solved, you can stake it out for pesky children and neighbors too. :

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post #27 of 28
4/15/08 at 12:50pm
Here's another "real answer".
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post #28 of 28
4/15/08 at 12:56pm
OMFG !!! It's like Ozzy but with the birds !!! lol
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