Originally Posted by Ullr
Come on. How did you think this thread would turn out? I was half way through her initial post, and I already knew what was coming! The same kind of responses that we got from babies in backpacks, old men suing little kids and race challenges.
I am definitely not
surprised, as a couple of years ago on epic I was the target of a *bad ski parenting* attack. (Mostly by some non-parents who had no idea what they were talking about, no real interest in my kid's welfare, and a whole lot of desire to stir a stinky pot full of doo-doo.) Doesn't mean I have to accept it as part of the game and move on, though. I don't think it's right, and honestly I think it's less than entertaining. Funny, good humored jibes are one thing. This did not strike me as good humored. At all.
It's another thing entirely to discuss old men suing little kids and scary sightings of babies in backpacks. Those are *generic* topics, not directly connected to the life of someone in our community, someone who has asked for support. In this case, also someone who is clearly
concerned with her child's well being. And who asked for ideas in the parenting-focused forum, where I would assume she thought she would find some like-minded (or at least understanding) people.
It's not as if the guy suing the kid joined epic to ask advice along the lines of, "I'm really worried. I had a collision with a kid. I think I am quite hurt and my insurance company wanted me to recoup costs through a lawsuit. What should I do? I think I have to sue the kid, but I know it sounds really bad." I'd like to think
we might have been a bit kinder to the fellow, had he actually been part of our little group, and asked for our advice.This member of our community
asked for support, and essentially several people said. . . Well, you're a crappy parent, because you didn't take your kid to the doctor. Doesn't matter what your instincts are, or that you know your daughter and we don't. We know best. WE
[might have] taken OUR kids to the doctor. And on the basis of that, your parenting skills suck. Oh, and by the way, even though you're an ER nurse, too, that doesn't matter. Because doctors always know better, and nurses are poor substitutes. And by the way, did we tell you that you're a bad mommy?
IMHO, that's an unwarranted attack. Straight up. And other boards I go to do not tolerate that sort of behavior. It's not generally an *official* thing, but other community members generally call *A$$hole* or *Holier than Thou* when they see it. And beat the offenders into embarrassment or submission. I mean, have at your *generic* opinions about goings on in the world all day, but don't attack actual people who are honestly looking for support/advice/ideas. It's childish, unnecessary, and really makes me wonder what some online acquaintances must be like in the real world.
In the real world, hearing this story and finding it not to your liking, you might say: "Have you been to the doctor yet? I know a couple of people who thought they were fine after a ski accident and weren't. You might want to get an X-ray to be sure." In other words, being helpful, while maybe implying a little criticism or concern for the situation.
But I seriously doubt most of us would think it appropriate to offer:
"Um, when do you plan on taking her to the doctor?" (At least with the sarcasm implied by the *Um.* I may be wrong, but I am reading dripping
"But who wants to do all that boring doctor crap
when you were an ER nurse. It's only your child."
"I wish I had X-ray vision like you do."
Don't tell me the people who posted those things don't know the difference between combining actual assistance with gentle constructive criticism and being inflammatory and unkind. The former sometimes gets you somewhere, in terms of understanding people's motivations and getting them to try what you're suggesting. The latter? Generally gets you nothing, aside from an angry mob.
And yes, as I said before, I expected it. I am not surprised to see it. But that kind of behavior never fails to anger me, and it often makes me question whether I am suited to the online world, rather than the more polite, caring place I have made for myself away from the blue glow of my computer screen.