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Can SKIER/NON SKIER thing work???

post #1 of 41
Thread Starter 
Here's one to ponder;

Can an EpicSki type bear find long lasting happiness with a NON skier ?

What's your experience been? How do people make it work.....

Inquiring minds want to know!!!!
post #2 of 41
My wife had never skied a day in her life when I met her in college. I took her to a local hill here in CT, rented some gear and taught her myself. Now, I know there are many thoughs on teaching your significant other to ski, but it worked out great for us. She loves skiing now.

So I guess the answer is "Yes*"

*As long as you convert them.
post #3 of 41
I've seen both :, and I can definitely tell you that a skiing girlfriend IS more fun than a non-skier. You simply can pass more time together in the white season and they understand better why can we love that sport so much. So... if you've got choice...
post #4 of 41
LOVE conquers ALL
post #5 of 41
My better half is a skinny skier, but definitely not downhill. I've gotten her on alpine skis a couple times, but it's clear she doesn't enjoy it.

Once I reconcilled myself with the fact that we would never be at a point where we'll spend a day on the slopes together (and it was unrealistic to begin with; even if she did enjoy skiing we would still be at drastically different levels), it actually works out great.

We go places that offer both downhill and cross country. If possible, we meet up for lunch, if not we meet up at the end of the day. And I'll cross country ski a few days, so we still have a winter activity together. And it means that I'm free to go off wherever I like on the mountain without having to worry about having a beginner in tow.

The bigger problem is that none of my friends out here ski. I don't mind skiing alone, but I find that I don't push myself out of my comfort zone (except when I do, and that's nearly as bad or probably worse).
post #6 of 41
If you intend to spend substantial time skiing, which means substantial $$$$ also, a tension will grow in most long term relationships. If not properly dealth with, there is a strong likelihood that the tension will cause an explosion in other areas at some point. Your significant other may decide that the price for your skiing is fun with the pool boy or trips to Europe, or some other form of equalization. The old saying "birds of feather. . . " is applicable. Plus, if you like this form of recreation so much, why would you choose someone who doesn't for a long term relationship? Seems like to me you would want to spend time with that person skiing. Write Dear Abby and see what she says.
post #7 of 41
I think the chances of success depend on the length of your skis.
post #8 of 41
I like to say tha my wife "tricked" me into marrying her because -among other reasons -she used to go skiing with me all the time. She was "ok" but a gamer. She got into marathons and quit.

But I have an ace up my sleeve. My boys are getting excited about skiing. I will have both on snow next year. I think if just the three of us start disappearing every weekend, she would come back to it.

...Then again she might enjoy the peace and quiet.
post #9 of 41
When I shacked up with my (now) wife 20 years ago neither of us skied. She'd been a dozen times or so, I tried it once in the late 60's and hated it so much that I never thought I'd give it a second chance.

About 10 years ago she talked me into trying it again as an activity to pass the long Michigan winters. I took to the sport like white on rice, and she quit after breaking her leg in Utah. So, I find myself in a long-term committed relationship with the skier/non-skier asymmetry more or less by accident.

Fortunately, she's taken up the XC thing, and loves the big snow country in winter. Like ami above, we've figured out how to resolve the asymmetry. I think the key is a relationship that's already strong - if it's weak to begin with, this may be enough to break it. But then so will many other things, so it may just be a matter of time.

Of course, the fact that I can say it was her idea in the first place helps alot. (c:
post #10 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by MJB View Post
Seems like to me you would want to spend time with that person skiing.

I've never really gotten this philosophy? If my wife could ski the same terrain as me at my speeds then I would spend time with her skiing, but she can't or won't so I don't. I spend every weeknight and morning with her but we generally head our separate ways on the weekend. I ski, she hikes or Nordics and we see each other at night. Even in the summer we like to do different things. Whichever one of us the kids want to go with is what they get to do. We like it that way. I've never understood couples who need to do everything together: I have several friends whose wives won't let them do anything without them......what's up with that?
post #11 of 41
I think it works out fine as long as there's an understanding between the people involved about how much time, money, etc one will spend skiing and the other party needs to be okay with that. The skier needs to accept that the nonskier doesn't share that passion, and not push them to, but leave an open invitation letting them know if they're ever interested, they would be welcome to join and set up with all that they would need to try it out. The nonskier needs to accept that the skier isn't going to drop skiing or drastically reduce skiing just because they are with a nonskier, and needs to not take it personally when the skier picks time in the mountains alone/with friends over time with the significant other. With skiing or any other tendency or characteristic, entering/continuing a relationship expecting a change is unrealistic. IMO you gotta look at who and what someone is and decide if you're cool with it short term, and if you'd be cool with it long term. Personally, I'm cool with dating nonskiers/non participants in activities that are major parts of my life as long as they don't expect me to trade those parts of me in for them, or reduce them.
post #12 of 41
I spend much of my time outside of work either skiing in the winter or biking in the summer. In the winter, I leave Denver on Friday nights and spend the entire weekend in Breck usually returning on Monday morning.
Many of my vacations are spend on ski trips or biking vacations. While I love these sports enough to do them alone, it is more fun to do these trips as a couple. The time factor would lmake it difficult for me to be involved with someone who did not ski or bike.

My boyfriend is a dedicated kayaker so I have been taking kakak lessons in the pool over the winter and hopefully, I can learn to roll so I can accompany him on some boating trips. I have no objections to him going kayaking without me but again, if it is such a big part of his life, I would like to at least be able to do some of it with him.
post #13 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by Racer256 View Post
She was "ok" but a gamer. She got into marathons and quit.
Quit skiing to go running? That doesn't even make sense.

In the past two years I've pissed off at least three otherwise interesting and interested young women with that whole oh btw I'm not going to be around for six months thing. They take it personally, like I'd rather go skiing than hang around town and do normal stuff. Oh, wait...

I can see it working if you don't really ski that much. Or if you get one completely hooked and partially sick of you before you start disappearing for large chunks of time and disposable income. Otherwise, good luck. If you ski a bunch you probably don't have much free time when you aren't skiing, unless you are one of the lucky/smart folks who have turned skiing into your full time gig.
post #14 of 41
Oh, boy, I just got out of a relationship that failed partially due to this issue, sort of. When we first started dating and it came time to get passes I was very clear with him, I skied 33 days last season and I intended to ski more this season (and will hit day 33 this weekend with more skiing planned). We broke up for a bit and then got back together in February. We skied together twice in 2 months and while skill wise we were pretty well matched he just didn't get my need to spend my time there and I didn't understand his desire to sit on his duff at home. I broke up with him on Monday because I realized that it just doesn't work for me. I think a relationship like that can survive if the feelings/love are strong enough but I sure would like to find someone that I can share the love of the sport with. Someone who I can egg into that dream ski trip and we are both whooping it up in knee deep powder.
post #15 of 41
Its not ideal but can work....its all about compromises.

My GF for umm 8yrs (I think) hates the cold, in fact she wants to move to Florida!....Not happening. So anyway I bought her nice warm gear, great boots and skis, her dad who loves to ski also hooked her up with some stuff and we always stay at nice places when we go away. By doing this the time she spends on the mountain is either on/in great gear or being pampered at a spa. In exchange for all this, come the warm months, I do what she likes to do, go wine tasting and to the beach....often.

Would I change things? Yes, I wish she loved to ski as much as I do, but she is the way she is and I am the way I am. I would undoubtedly get much more ski time if she was into it like I am....but then again when I met her I was still on my skiing hiatus.
post #16 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by COSkiGirl View Post
Oh, boy, I just got out of a relationship that failed partially due to this issue, sort of. When we first started dating and it came time to get passes I was very clear with him, I skied 33 days last season and I intended to ski more this season (and will hit day 33 this weekend with more skiing planned). We broke up for a bit and then got back together in February. We skied together twice in 2 months and while skill wise we were pretty well matched he just didn't get my need to spend my time there and I didn't understand his desire to sit on his duff at home. I broke up with him on Monday because I realized that it just doesn't work for me. I think a relationship like that can survive if the feelings/love are strong enough but I sure would like to find someone that I can share the love of the sport with. Someone who I can egg into that dream ski trip and we are both whooping it up in knee deep powder.

I'll go on that dream ski trip with you but alas I'm married....she might pay you to take me though::
post #17 of 41
hmm Richie...there's no denyin' yer committed to the fall-line!
post #18 of 41
I like Num's advice. Who knows, they might get into skiing. I only started last year and I'm obsessed.

No doubt it's more fun to have a partner that shares your passions but I think it can work as long as you have someone that has their own life/passions/interests. If you spend all weekend every weekend skiing that makes it a little trickier, but if you generally only spend one weekend day doing it I can't see any problem at all, and since skiing isn't a year round sport so there's still plenty of time the rest of the year to do things together. It's when you hook up with a person that is clingy, needy, or has no passions of their own that this kind of stuff gets to be a problem.
post #19 of 41
I'm a skier and a diver.

IMO, if you're going to have a partner that shares an activity that you're very into and good at, they have to be very good as well. It sucks being relegated to boring shallow dives because you can't go scuba diving without taking your scuba diving wife, or sticking to blue runs because your rec skier wife doesn't like glades or bumps.

It's good and healthy to have separate interests and hobbies. I'm lucky in that my gf is a good snowboarder who boards glades and bumps and has no interest whatsoever in diving. What would suck most would be if she were a mediocre skier and mediocre diver.
post #20 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by COSkiGirl View Post
Someone who I can egg into that dream ski trip and we are both whooping it up in knee deep powder.


i'll drink to that.

jonnythan: Your post suggests to me that it is good to share a lifestyle, but differing interests and hobbies are great too. I think taking scuba or skiing or a bunch of other things pretty seriously is more along the lines of lifestyle than hobby.
post #21 of 41
An Epic Ski "Personals" forum could solve this problem . Of course, we'd be left with the problem of guy/gal ratio in that forum but hey, it's a start.

This conversation sounds familiar Garret?
Me: Well, I really like to ski and spend a lot of time in the mountains during the winter.
Girl: Me too! I love to ski/ride!
Me: Awesome, how many times have you been skiing this season?
Girl: Well, I haven't gone this year yet...
Me: But it's March already...(sigh)
post #22 of 41
that is quite familiar Simon...arghh.

(you pond skimming this weekend?)
post #23 of 41
No.
post #24 of 41
Even better:

match.com ad that says: I run marathons and bike centuries on a regular basis; want someone who does same.

Reply to match.com ad: picture of guy with huge gut standing in front of rusty bike in garage who says: I am athletic and bike. I think I am who you are looking for.
post #25 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by simonbda View Post
An Epic Ski "Personals" forum could solve this problem . Of course, we'd be left with the problem of guy/gal ratio in that forum but hey, it's a start.
Just link it up with Ski Divas. One diva posted that her brother was looking for a skier to date, and he got hooked up with another diva. I'm pretty sure there'd be takers. Besides, as far as an uneven guy/chick ratio, no harm in letting the ladies have their pick
post #26 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by UGASkiDawg View Post
I've never really gotten this philosophy? If my wife could ski the same terrain as me at my speeds then I would spend time with her skiing, but she can't or won't so I don't. I spend every weeknight and morning with her but we generally head our separate ways on the weekend. I ski, she hikes or Nordics and we see each other at night. Even in the summer we like to do different things. Whichever one of us the kids want to go with is what they get to do. We like it that way. I've never understood couples who need to do everything together: I have several friends whose wives won't let them do anything without them......what's up with that?
I'm with you, UGASkiDawg.

I love my wife dearly, but if I don't get away from her once in a while, I would blow my brains out... or hers.

We both ski, me more than her, and I try to balance out our ski together time with our ski separate time.

Every person is different, and every relationship is different. I know married couples who spend practically every waking and sleeping hour of their lives together... work, commute, grocery shop, etc., and they both seem happy. I couldn't do that. But if they can, then more power to them.
post #27 of 41
I doubt "my spouse doesn't ski" qualifies as "irreconcileable differences" in any divorce court so if you think it is necessary that they do ski get a pre nuptual agreement signed.
post #28 of 41
Hmmm, I spend >30 days every winter skiing. I guess if a boyfriend/husband can handle that I have that priority every winter, than I guess it's not a problem. Right, what guy is going to allow that!

That being said, I have always said my criteria for a boyfriend is that he needs to ski as well, if not better than me!

It is "the thing" that I love to do and I would prefer to share it with someone that loves it as much as I do!

Plus, skiing is an aphrodisiac!
post #29 of 41
Whether or not they ski seems quite miniscule compared to their outlook on life, their dreams, their exposure to other cultures, their empathy, their willingness to support your crazy aspirations, etc.

Skiing... who cares? Unless, you plan on making a living doing it. However, with that having been said, even if I did decide to go back to the industry, I'd take my non-skiing wife with me.

Personally, I can't imagine marrying a girl who only speaks one language or that hasn't spent extensive time traveling and studying foreign cultures and gaining a non-sheltered perspective on life. Skiing is just a sub-culture. If she hasn't lived outside that shell and experienced other not-so-fortunate cultures, I find it hard to believe we could actually maintain a conversation.

Skiing is something I passionately enjoy and have dedicated my life to. But, now I dedicate my life to other things.
post #30 of 41
I am fortunate that my husband is very agreeable and will generally go along with my latest burning interest, whether it is skiing or road biking or even bird watching. In return, I'm pretty tolerant of his need to dig holes in the backyard and fill them with water and Japanese koi fish. I draw the line at koi club meetings, however!

I think that if your significant other is willing, the best solution is to have her take lessons while you ski. Eventually you'll be able to cruise with her on the blues for a few hours, then set her up with a private coach while you tackle the steeps.

...the only danger being that some of these ski instructors can be very good looking
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