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post #1 of 37
Thread Starter 
I was listening to a ski instructor talk at the lake today, and his vernacular inspired me to write this post. He's a young'un and there was a lot of "dudesweetscrodbrodude" talk and it was trippin' me out, because I realized that I don't call things by the same name as some others!!! Here are some of the terms and definitions I've picked up in the ski biz, and I challenge you to add to the list as we go. I think I need to be up on the latest as I have relocated to South Dakota!

THE SHQUAD - the Ski Patrol.
SKEETCH - to chicken out... anyone who consistently chickens out can be referred to as a SKEETCH.
MACKERAL SLAP - The art of hanging an outside edge (or toe-edge on a snowboard) and turning the body into an effective lever. Slamming the whole body down onto the snow. The head must be travelling faster than the feet to be classified as a MS.
HUCKING YOUR MEAT - the art of jumping. At Edwin Terrel in PSIA-RM, we referred to it as the act of leading into a turn with the upper body. (see mackeral slap.)
TROLLING - Skiing under the chair trying to impress the opposite sex.
SHMUD - gooey, nasty, corn snow. Usually occurs the last weekend an area is open.
GETTING TACOED - crashing with such enthusiasm as to fold yourself in two at the waist... forward or backward. Doesn't matter as long as it hurts.
CHIN MUSIC - scrapes and bruises on the face. Results of GETTING TACOED.
FISH, BIRD, FNG - Any rookie ski instructor.
PIMP - Ski School Director
FLOW - Tips given to ski instructors. Also known as "free money".
MOUNTAIN MONEY - Toilet tissue.
HERDING CATS - teaching skiing to children.
BROKEN - "injured" ski instructor requiring days off to go ski some deep snow somewhere else.
COLD SMOKE - Really light, fluffy powder. The best kind.
SPANK - Landing on your a** after hitting a big kicker... the most embarassing form of crash.

OK I'm wasting more time than I have here, gotta git.

Spag's quote of the day:
"Yes Satan? Oh I'm sorry, Mr. Shickadance. I thought you were someone else."
- Jim Carrey in "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" -
post #2 of 37
FLYSWATTER - downhill edge-catch - see Mackerel Slap
SCORPION - Face-first Flyswatter when the board tags the back of your head.
WINDMILL- High speed wreck where arms and legs act like a...windmill.
GWAUNCH - deep, sloppy, wet snow. Usually
a springtime snow condition.
TACO - Folded bike wheel ('tacoed rim').
SCHMEAR (TURN) - Scott Schmidt inspired steep
skiing and landing technique.
SCHMIDIOTS- In bounds Schmidt look-alikes who ski with packs etc. Another spin on the 'Bogner type,' except TNF.
POSEUR - Technical term for Schmidiot.
SAFETY MEETING - The Schquad smoking dope in
the trees.
PARK RAT - One who rides/skis only the park..
even on pow days.

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[This message has been edited by Roto (edited July 21, 2001).]</FONT>
post #3 of 37
Thread Starter 
OK I finished all my crap and I thought of some others. Some great ones in there ROTO.

MOHOGANY RIDGE - Many an instructor's favorite run... The Bar.
FLAKE - Glenn Plake look-alike (see Schmidiots)
GAS - a good time.
SCREAMING STARFISH - high speed crash resulting in perfect cartwheels and cries of terror.
SCROD - Annoying member of the group that you tolerate because he/she always has dope.
OFFICE - the secret place where the SHQUAD holds its SAFETY MEETINGS.
SPUD, GROM, TIKE - the little kid who tags along with the group... and you let him/her because he/she rips.
BUTT-STUFFER - Chairlift operator.
SMILEY - the guy in the group who's always ripped.
JOB-SAVERS - breath mints/gum/candy that masks the SQUAD's breath after having a SAFETY MEETING at the OFFICE.

Well, that should do it for now. I'm going to finish my evening on the porch drinking 90 Shillings with my wife. Later.<FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by Notorious Spag (edited July 21, 2001).]</FONT>
post #4 of 37
Okie dokie on the breath part, but what do you do to hide that glassy eyed s__t eating grin?

Pretty funny stuff...... good post NS!
post #5 of 37
Nice Post Splaglet!

Killer Bees (KB's)- Chronic second lesson bunny dwellers
SPORES - Stupid People On Rental Equipment
Gorby's - H2B or I-94 imports version of a SPORE
Punters - BASI version of a SPORE
Pretzel Logic - the ski school rotation system
My Hero - guy who wins the class of KB's after 1 round of "front line, back line" then "pick a number between...." on a pow day!
post #6 of 37
Gee, Spag, you know a lot about safety meetings...

Great post

BROBRAH - Skiing's version of a surfer dude, who communicates in snickers and hand signals. When they talk they sound like Beavis & Butthead learning to speak Finnish.

TRUSTAFARIANS - Trust fund financed youngsters who pose as core locals. The ones with rides and gear that just don't make sense.

EGGBEATER - Another version of the WINDMILL

GAYS on TRAYS - Outdated euphemism for snowboarders.

FAHG BAG - One-piece suit.(uuh..take out the H...)

KOOK - Someone who obliviously overrates their own ability.

PING - To pre-release from bindings, a common scapegoat among KOOKS. "Awww Dood, I'da stuck it if I didn't PING...."

PHAT - descriptive word applied generously to many situations by BROBRAHS -- PHAT air, go PHAT, the chicks were PHAT, PHAT move, PHAT line, PHAT digs, PHAT ride....PHAT HEAD!

STAPH - Ski School staff...an infection of sorts.

VOLLEY - Volunteer Patroller

TECHNOWEENIE - Someone hung up too much on technical knowledge...Talks the talk..and talks and talks and talks...
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[This message has been edited by Roto (edited July 21, 2001).]</FONT>
post #7 of 37
Funny stuff guys!

I anyone finds this a little too incorrect (politically speaking), remember that it is only a joke.

There, I said it first.
post #8 of 37
You guys blew my whole vocabulary------except,
we all know what a "yard sale " is. RIGHT!!!
post #9 of 37
"Carper"- person who thinks they're carving trenches, really parking, with their mouth open like a beached fish
"Minnie Pearle Vision"- punter comes out of retail, has left the little white plastic price tab hanging over his nose from his new shades...thinks its a nose protector.
"Recliner Flop"- that delayed, infuriating slow fall, when in powder, you lose one tip, under and to the side, causing you to spin 180 to a backward flop in the deep. Once there, hard to get up...while Brobrahs are cutting your line!
"Sammy Davis"- The alternating one-eyed squint to the lodge to retrieve your forgotten goggles. Eye alternation is triggered sporatically by catching a fattie on the ball.
"Flea Market"- rarely occuring multi person, yahd sale.<FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by Robin (edited July 22, 2001).]</FONT><FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by Robin (edited July 22, 2001).]</FONT>
post #10 of 37
A guy comes to Boston for the first time, and asks the cab driver where he can get scrod. The cabbie replies "I've never heard it pronounced in the plu perfect.

Be Braver in your body, or your luck will leave you. DH Lawrence
post #11 of 37
Thread Starter 
Lisamarie, I had to read that about 6 times before it hit me. hilarious!
post #12 of 37

ROTF! I just cant get over that "screaming starfish" one....that presented such a visual I almost died laughing!

still laughing....
post #13 of 37
Spag; I probably should have spelled it pluperfect, or pluparfait!
post #14 of 37
Scorpion and Flea Market are some good new ones! I also like Cat Herding - ain't it the truth?!

HALF DONUT - What becomes of the RECLINER FLOP on steeper terrain. Spin 180 in the deep, roll over backwards, come up to your feet, with just a bit too much momentum to stay up. Do this 5-10 times.

SNOW, SKY, SNOW, SKY, SNOW, SKY - the view during a HALF DONUT or SCREAMING STARFISH, also used as a type of fall, when the view is the same, but the fall doesn't conform; "I went snow, sky, snow, sky all the way down the gulch".

TUNA NET - snow fencing along the edge of the trail.

TUNA - What you see caught in the TUNA NET

FACE DRAG - Probably similar to CHIN MUSIC, but must be performed going down the hill face first. Sometimes the result of a MACKEREL SLAP, FLY SWATTER OR SCORPION, when some distance and speed is involved.

TRENCH DIGGER - Somone who can carve a clean line.

HARDWOOD CHRISTIE - Smacking a tree.

RAPID GATE - (pron) A brand of break-away, flexible plastic racing gates. (v) To hit some other object as if it would move. "I broke my shoulder trying to RAPID-GATE an Aspen tree". You really should not RAPID-GATE other skiers.
post #15 of 37
"Gradu"- a black gooey susbstance which becomes a base residue during the spring. Similar to Schmud. Note; A Ski New Mexico lab study determined that over 70% of gradu was pine pollen, followed by dirt, mascara and belly button lint.
Winter Sports, a ski shop in NM once took a ball of it about 3" in diameter (from the fleet)and lit it. The next morning (on the back step), after knocking off the crust of ash (like a ball of black Afghani) it re-egnited.
"Lawnchaired"- see "Folded"
A Historical note: "the screaming starfish", "Windmill", "Cartwheel" et al have been asterisked, as BSB and ASB. This pertains to the significance of the invention of the ski brake. Before Ski Brake "Windmills" have a higher rating.<FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by Robin (edited July 23, 2001).]</FONT>
post #16 of 37
As a kid I remember starfishing with safety straps and breaking my Brand-new Carreras. At least it wasn't my face.
One of the first 'ski stories' I heard was about a guy windmilling with straps and losing his left nut in the melee. The asterisking seems appropriate. Windmilling in tele gear is like windmilling on alpine-squared.

HUMAN-SLALOM - Skiing on crowded days.
WALKMAN GUIDED CRUISE MISSILES - Park rats on the way to the park.
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[This message has been edited by Roto (edited July 23, 2001).]</FONT>
post #17 of 37
Forgot about

SNIRT - Snow/Dirt mix. See SCHMUD

UNGUIDED MISSILE - Out of control beginner following the fall line.

JELLYFISH/BONELESS CHICKEN - Beginner in a level 1 lesson who is unable to stand on their own two feet.


ORGAN DONOR - Road bike rider w/o a helmet

HOOKER - The women who show up at the bars, apres ski, but have never skied a day in their lives. Huntah is notorius for them. Todd, do you have another name for these?
post #18 of 37
Thread Starter 
SHWAG - Free gear. Includes stickers, hats, skis, boots... whatever as long as the recipient didn't have to pay 1 simolean.
WAD - group of skiers blocking the run immediately after unloading the chair. The size of the WAD tends to grow until the BUTT-STUFFERS wake from their slumber and yell at it.
AUGER - Any crash involving the sumergence of the participant's head under the surface of the snow.
FLAILING - Sucky skiing. Actual or percieved.
WRECKED - The condition of the SHQUAD after a SAFETY MEETING.
TRIP - The unbreakable secret code in which young snowboarders speak. Contains many of the words highlighted in this thread. Is featured in many a Snoop Dog video, "Kissle"!
BRUH! - Derivation of Brah!, which is a derivation of Bro!, which is a derivation of Brother!, which is a derivation of... oh that's it.
SWANK - Pretty cool.
HOMELESS - Ski/snowboard bum with no girlfriend! (ba dum bum - Keeesh!)

Be sure and tip your waitress.

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[This message has been edited by Notorious Spag (edited July 24, 2001).]</FONT>
post #19 of 37
NOSEPICKER - Bill Johnson <FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by Roto (edited July 24, 2001).]</FONT>
post #20 of 37
Thread Starter 
post #21 of 37
Go easy on a guy who is truly down and will probably never........
post #22 of 37
Bill Johnson probably considers(ed) the fact that Franz Klammer was pissed off enough to call him a "nosepicker" an honor. He did it after Bill told the world
"Everyone else here is racing for second place." One week before he took the gold.
Go back up, click on "Bill Johnson" for a link to get updated on his condition.

While Bill may be one our more infamous ski heroes, he is still a hero. SCSA could never rival the balls on Bill. I think Bill even demonstrated huge balls last season...I got to see a bunch of his races.
post #23 of 37
The Kaiser was right, he "was" a nasen borer! But he did go out with Wengen, Sarajevo and Whistler under his belt! Mostly an aero-swimmer, but did turn effectively, his best pal was the red sled tech.
His comeback was ill advised, but I was secretly pullin for him! It is good to see both he and Dave Irwin recovering!
post #24 of 37
I was pulling for him too. Unfortunately it started becoming obvious it wasn't going to happen (this year). I think I'll always remeber seeing that footage, like Brooker & Stemmle.
Not only did he have the mentioned wins under his belt, but that amazing Olympic qualifying run, going off the course, spaghetti legging and pulling it out without missing a gate for the win. Personally that run rates as one of the top 10 or 15 to have on video. Skiing so close to the edge as to nearly blow the doors off the point of no return is one of my favorite things about DH. Peter Mueller must have hated Bill, if he doesn't still.<FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by Roto (edited July 25, 2001).]</FONT>
post #25 of 37
Here are a couple more,no offense intended, as mentioned earlier this is a joke.

SHOW GHOST-Trees coverd in snow and ice that are competely white (ex. the top of Big Mountain, MT)

DANCING WITH THE GHOSTS- Skiing in the above mentioned trees, specially on days where the visibility is 0' ( Ouch, and you have to watch for the man-eating tree wells too)

CHINESE DOWNHILL- I'm sure everyone know this one. (for those who don't, rule #1 first one to the bottom wins, rule #2 no other rules)
CHINESE SLALOM- A chinese downhill through the trees.

BRUSHING (YOUR TEETH)- Having pine branches slap your face while chasing powder in the trees, usually leads to the more the painful CHLOTHSLINE

TERMINATORS- Little kids without poles, whose huge helmeted heads are at just the right level to bust some balls
post #26 of 37
Updated definition of a CHINESE SLALOM - Skiing a slalom course on a pair of K2's
post #27 of 37
We use the term "HERB" at Killington. Herb was the dweeby guy in the mid-1980's Burger King "Where's Herb" ad campaign. A HERB is also usually a SPORE. Think rental gear, jeans, Starter-brand team jacket with Jets, Giants, or Patriots logo.
post #28 of 37
Very amusing. Question: the Kaiser? I assume you don't mean Wilhelm II. What's the basis for that?


Dante non ha mai immaginato questo cerchio dell'inferno!
post #29 of 37

Kaiser = Franz Klammer
post #30 of 37
DUCK HUNTERS - Skiers who buy their ski attire out of Cabela's. One piece insulated camo outfits with day-glo orange in the mix and Elmer Fudd hats. They usually travel in at least pairs and you can follow the trail of bud lights. DUCK HUNTERS, who normally work hard at being quiet, often yell WHOAAA! and LOOK OUT! at the top of their lungs.
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