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HELP! I can't get my girlfriend to leave the bunny hill! - Page 3

post #61 of 85
Well, I'd suggest lessons too. Or, take her somewhere that the bunny hill is serviced only by a rope tow - I'm sure such a place still exists. She'll hate it so much she'll force herself to move up.

Finally, realize that not everyone has an adventurous streak. There's a really good chance her main motivations for skiing are to spend time with you and/or just to be outdoors. I bet she loves sleighride dinners.
post #62 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by vinn View Post
Well, I'd suggest lessons too. Or, take her somewhere that the bunny hill is serviced only by a rope tow - I'm sure such a place still exists. She'll hate it so much she'll force herself to move up.

Finally, realize that not everyone has an adventurous streak. There's a really good chance her main motivations for skiing are to spend time with you and/or just to be outdoors. I bet she loves sleighride dinners.
Take her somewhere that has a t-bar or poma or tow rope on the greens.
post #63 of 85
Neural Linguistic Programming (NLP) holds that most phobias--including fear of heights--are learned quickly. Therefore, they can be unlearned quickly as well. NLP practitioners have a variety of techniques for removing phobias.

Vancouver has several psychologists who use NLP techniques in their therapy. Since your girlfriend is already working on her fear of heights, perhaps she would want to see an NLP practitioner.

Once the debilitating fear of heights is no longer an issue, you both have a reasonable chance to be happy skiers.

But I need to add that fear of the chair lifts can be a good thing if it keeps us safe. In this season alone, skiers have fallen out of chairs resulting in injury or death. I don't know, but perhaps just a little fear would have kept them in their chairs.

Best of luck to you and your girlfriend. Let us know when she is able to ride chair lifts. Also, do take lessons for yourself. You will need them to keep up with a skater!
post #64 of 85
Quote:
I guess I'm a bit of a jerk for prodding her to leave the bunny hill considering everything involved, but we're pushing 25 hours of ski time on the bunny hills now and it is starting to drive me mental.
I don't think you sound like a jerk. In fact, if you have spent 25 hours on the bunny hill with her, or even more than a few, you're an absolute saint. (I didn't require my husband to stick to the easy stuff with me when I was learning--no reasonable person would). Have fun on the green trails--it sounds like you deserve to have some fun!

This reminds me of a situation I dealt with recently. I also ride horses, and I have a friend who is learning. After a year and a half in the saddle she is still too afraid to canter (she's afraid of the speed). She won't push herself beyond her comfort zone and won't let her instructor push her, so she's stuck--she's not improving at all. At this point she's put it off so long it has become this huge terrifying thing. I had to drop any expectations that she'll improve and that we'll ride together. I don't even ask about it anymore. Some year she might surprise me, but as long as someone won't leave their comfort zone, they aren't going to improve.
post #65 of 85
Maybe it would be wise to let your girlfriend progress at her own pace. Sounds to me like you are putting pressure on her to keep up with your pace. I don't know of many women who enjoy that sort of pressure from their husband or boyfriend. Maybe you'll get lucky and yours will be the exception and she'll welcome pressure and prodding.

It may help matters to imagine the possibility that she is skiing only because you want to ski, even if she says that she enjoys it. If your spouse/girlfriend/partner/whatever is doing it only for you, that says something good about how she feels about you, but it's not the best start to a life of skiing. Better if she skis because she wants to and is allowed to progress at her own rate.
post #66 of 85
A friend of mine's former girlfriend, now wife of 22 years had the same problem - only wanting to be on the bunny hill. Their daughter is an expert skier and just starting college while she is still on the bunny hill.

Sooooooooooooooooooooooo, you have have 3 doors to choose from:

1. Follow all the advice from the previous posts and hope she will become a stronger, more confident skier

2. Marry her (or not), have children, wait for them to grow then teach them to ski beyond the bunny hill - good until they leave home

3. Find a new girlfriend

So will it be door #1 , door #2 or door #3 ?????????????????????????

Choose wisely !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
post #67 of 85
tell her they're giving away diamonds and chocolate at the top...

Actual answer: lessons! Besides, haven't you put up with enough already? Arguing is best left far, far away from the mountains. Hans your local instructor is far better at dealing with beginners- that's what you pay him for.
post #68 of 85
What resort, which bunny hill - I'll keep her company for you.

From someone who has been skiing 3 times and has had 6 hours of private lessons and still has major turning difficulty, let her go at her own pace.

Alternatively you can tell her about the hot girl you met on the chair lift and see how quickly she is skiing right next to you.
post #69 of 85
Daveski,
If she agrees to get lessons/attend a cllnic, send her to Mermer Blakeslee's fear clinic for women at Windham in New York. You won't find a better clinic than this one. It is outstanding! Hope that is of some help!
post #70 of 85
Don't forget Mermer will be coaching at the Big Sky ESA.
post #71 of 85
As an adult, my husband taught me to ski. He was patient and gave me lots of positive, specific feedback - he's a great skiier and has skied since he was 5. I enjoyed skiing a run and then listening to his feedback - I still love it because I will never be the skiier he is. It's fun to work on it and that is why I ski. He also told me something early on that really made sense: that it is less dangerous to ski on the mountain than to ski on the bunny slope with all the other learners. I followed this process when I taught each of our 4 daughters to ski:
. get them used to skis on the magic carpet area
. learn to turn and stop on the bunny hill/learning area
. learn to turn and stop upon command
. follow my line exactly
. once the above is mastered completely, teach all the ski responsible rules so they realize there are other skiers out there and some are learning too.
. once the above is mastered, move to greens and easy blues, but ski the same ones over and over to gain confidence. I skied right behind them to shelter them from other skiers and gave them specific feedback.
. take some lessons to work on specific things like turns, pole plants, controlling speed, etc
If you agree on this process and she trusts your knowledge, there shouldn't be an issue. If she knows she can stop and turn at will, she should agree that the bunny hill is less safe than other easy trails. She will gain confidence if she knows the trail well, so agree to ski the same trail until she bored silly and happy with her performance. It's probably fear of the unknown that has her. Tell her what she is doing well, or improving rather than giving her the negatives - unless she is asking. And get her to work on only one thing at a time or she may feel overwhelmed. Hope this helps - it has worked for us.
post #72 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by w.ski View Post
I'd suggest a women's group lesson. Maybe seeing other women, that don't ski any better than she does, progressing off the bunny slope would help. Some women also feel more comfortable with women instructors.
As a bonus maybe she will find a friend and you can all hook up for a 3-some afterwards.
post #73 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by teledave View Post
As a bonus maybe she will find a friend and you can all hook up for a 3-some afterwards.
Now that is what I call having fun on the slopes.....

Good luck with the 3-some David.....:
post #74 of 85
I agree with teledave. Threesome would be very cool.
post #75 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daveski View Post
I purposefully glossed over the fear part because I wanted suggestions based on skiing not on psychology. The reason I think she'll be ok on a lift is because she said she is working on her fear of heights and even sucessfully rode a farris wheel with no problems.
OTOH I think your (you're married so it's shared) problem is more psychological than skiing

Been there - done that. Not quite the same of course but not that different in principle.

After 22 hours she needs to face that she's going nowhere doing it the way she's been going. I'm sure she knows this.

So grab some ice-cream and coffee and ask her (at home, not on the slope) :
* Does she *want* to progress? Why?
* What is going through her mind?
* How does she feel about skiing with you? with an instructor? Both?
* What does she enjoy about the bunny hill? What does she dislike?
* What might she dislike about the greens? What might she enjoy?
* How would she want to make her first outing? When?
* How would she know when?
* Would she like a massage/spa/dinner to look forward to after her first green run?

and for goodness sake, listen to her, don't tell her (a *huge* fault of mine )
post #76 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by nastia9 View Post
As an adult, my husband taught me to ski. He was patient and gave me lots of positive, specific feedback - he's a great skiier and has skied since he was 5. I enjoyed skiing a run and then listening to his feedback - I still love it because I will never be the skiier he is. It's fun to work on it and that is why I ski. He also told me something early on that really made sense: that it is less dangerous to ski on the mountain than to ski on the bunny slope with all the other learners. I followed this process when I taught each of our 4 daughters to ski:
. get them used to skis on the magic carpet area
. learn to turn and stop on the bunny hill/learning area
. learn to turn and stop upon command
. follow my line exactly
. once the above is mastered completely, teach all the ski responsible rules so they realize there are other skiers out there and some are learning too.
. once the above is mastered, move to greens and easy blues, but ski the same ones over and over to gain confidence. I skied right behind them to shelter them from other skiers and gave them specific feedback.
. take some lessons to work on specific things like turns, pole plants, controlling speed, etc
If you agree on this process and she trusts your knowledge, there shouldn't be an issue. If she knows she can stop and turn at will, she should agree that the bunny hill is less safe than other easy trails. She will gain confidence if she knows the trail well, so agree to ski the same trail until she bored silly and happy with her performance. It's probably fear of the unknown that has her. Tell her what she is doing well, or improving rather than giving her the negatives - unless she is asking. And get her to work on only one thing at a time or she may feel overwhelmed. Hope this helps - it has worked for us.

I agree with everything here, this is the only response you need to read.

This is exactly how I taught my gf to ski!
post #77 of 85
There is so much great advice here, I can't imagine what I could possibly add.

But I'll sum up what I think, anyway, just because I can.

1) Skiing is not for everyone. And everyone's idea of skiing isn't the same. For her, it may be one or two runs and that's it. She just may not have the passion, and hard as it is, that may be something you just have to accept.

2) Don't force it. There's no better way to encounter resistance than to DEMAND she do something she doesn't want to do. If she's terrified, she's not going to have a good time. And there's no surer way to get her to stay on the bunny hill. Or off the hill entirely.

3) Don't teach her yourself. Get an instructor. There's too much pressure and emotional baggage if you do it yourself. A women's clinic would be perfect. They're not only instructional, they're social, too. So even if she isn't a passionate skier, she'll have a good time. And who knows -- that could encourage her to move ahead.

4) Make sure her equipment isn't holding her back. Do her boots hurt? Are her hands cold? All this can put a damper on her enjoyment of the sport. Make sure she's comfortable. That'll not only help her, but it'll get you brownie points.

5) Have her check in with the ladies on TheSkiDiva.com. We'll set her straight.
post #78 of 85

Man, I feel for her, I'm a grown man, and my 10 year old daughter and I have been skiing twice.   I noticed that she was better than me the first time simply because of the pinewood derby car effect - heavier things go downhill fast ( No I am not a tubbalard  - not superfit but I do weigh more than the average 10 year old ).

 

We watched the other skiiers first time, and learned tilting skis inward toward each other and turning.  My daughter was even able to ski a blue trail at that first smaller ski area.  I was able to ski all the green trails as was she. 

 

The next place we went, though we were both turning and not falling on the bunny slopes, but we tried a green (labeled easier) trail, and it was just too steep.  At that place we were confined to the bunny trails the whole day.,  

 

Myself, I had to ski sideways across the green trail and stop, then turn around using the poles and ski sideways again coming to a complete stop all the way down until it merged with the bunny trail.  This after we tried to get a lift down and had to wait for the ski patrol to take my daughter down.

 

Very undignified to be doing this on a trail where 4 and 5 year olds are sking down without problems with their parents.

 

I find the tilting skis inward to be insufficient to keep me slow enough on the bunny trails whereas this works for little ones.  I have to turn aggressively ( it seems to me ) to stay in control on the bunny slopes.   I could do this at a faster speed on the green trails, but I would be going too fast to be able to say I was in control (meaning for me, able to stop without falling) I figure if I am forced to accept going faster than a speed at which I am in control to proceed smoothly down the slope, then the slope is too steep for me.  I only wish they wouldn't label these slopes green - I figured that meant similar to bunny slope as it did at the first place we skied since the bunny trails are also labled green.

post #79 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bad Skiier View Post
 

Man, I feel for her, I'm a grown man, and my 10 year old daughter and I have been skiing twice.   I noticed that she was better than me the first time simply because of the pinewood derby car effect - heavier things go downhill fast ( No I am not a tubbalard  - not superfit but I do weigh more than the average 10 year old ).

 

We watched the other skiiers first time, and learned tilting skis inward toward each other and turning.  My daughter was even able to ski a blue trail at that first smaller ski area.  I was able to ski all the green trails as was she. 

 

The next place we went, though we were both turning and not falling on the bunny slopes, but we tried a green (labeled easier) trail, and it was just too steep.  At that place we were confined to the bunny trails the whole day.,  

 

Myself, I had to ski sideways across the green trail and stop, then turn around using the poles and ski sideways again coming to a complete stop all the way down until it merged with the bunny trail.  This after we tried to get a lift down and had to wait for the ski patrol to take my daughter down.

 

Very undignified to be doing this on a trail where 4 and 5 year olds are sking down without problems with their parents.

 

I find the tilting skis inward to be insufficient to keep me slow enough on the bunny trails whereas this works for little ones.  I have to turn aggressively ( it seems to me ) to stay in control on the bunny slopes.   I could do this at a faster speed on the green trails, but I would be going too fast to be able to say I was in control (meaning for me, able to stop without falling) I figure if I am forced to accept going faster than a speed at which I am in control to proceed smoothly down the slope, then the slope is too steep for me.  I only wish they wouldn't label these slopes green - I figured that meant similar to bunny slope as it did at the first place we skied since the bunny trails are also labled green.


Welcome to EpicSki!  Have you looked to see if there is a beginner lesson package where you went skiing?  Very often, it's a very good deal when you need a lift ticket and rental skis and boots.  What region are you going to ski in the most?  While it's possible to figure out how to slide on snow, working with an instructor means you will have more fun on blues in much less time and with more confidence.  There are some aspects of skiing that are counter-intuitive for a novice that become much easier when an instructor provides the basics.  I have a friend who started having fun on blue runs the third time she went skiing even though the first day it was not at all easy.  She took full advantage of the beginner package.  I knew better than to try to teach her even though I'm an advanced skier based on the experience I had as a parent who put the kid in school school at age 4 to learn the basics.

 

Note that you posted in a thread from 2008.  The date/time stamp for posts is in the top left corner.

post #80 of 85

congrats on resurrecting an 8 year old thread.....

post #81 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by SoccerNMTB View Post
 

congrats on resurrecting an 8 year old thread.....


Never too late to try to be helpful.

post #82 of 85

he's probably married, divorced, and re-married again by now....   :)

post #83 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by SoccerNMTB View Post
 

he's probably married, divorced, and re-married again by now....   :)


Could be that the OP didn't succeed, but the advice might help someone else in a similar situation.  I know a few men who have managed to figure out how to live with a woman who doesn't ski as well as the man does . . . or think he does. :) 

post #84 of 85

could it be you have no sense of humor?

post #85 of 85

Counting my blessings that I'm married to a woman who's a better skier than I am! Only recently did it really hit me how godawful of a skier I was when we first met (I thought I was pretty awesome at the time, which I'm sure was just charming). And yet she still married me! Man I was bad. :o

 

Anyhow, skiing together is a pretty important and regular part of our relationship...so just chiming in that it's worth the effort to do it right and make sure she has a good time of skis. It will pay dividends later!

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