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post #31 of 61
Lisakaz, Men who are afraid of intelligent women are probably dealing with some control & self esteem issues. With the divorce rate somewhere around 50% I would think:
We don't choose our partners carefully
We try to change people
We try to curtail people from passions and interests that may not include the other partner (personal space)
The current "standard marriage" formula doesn't appear to be that successful.

I am curious about your various categories of men.

My experience with teaching and watching people trying to teach SOs is that it usually doesn't work that well.<FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by Lucky (edited August 24, 2001).]</FONT>
post #32 of 61
Thread Starter 

It could be something other than fear. Men sometimes get bored once they receive the thing they seek or so (ahem) I've been told. To put it in skiing terms, you keep wanting the challenge of the tough run, not just to master it.

I do know guys that won't date someone who is brighter than they are. I keep telling them that that's leaving them slim pickings.

Rob<FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by rob (edited August 24, 2001).]</FONT>
post #33 of 61

I think there were control/esteem issues; he said he was unhappy but I'm not sure how that related to me. He seemed to like me packing for him, making reservations. Didn't like the fact that I wouldn't cook and clean for him like his mother but being as he wanted to be lord of his house, I said if you want the authority you can have the responsibilty. I noticed he tended not to value his own possessions as much as honor others'. Maybe that's part of the non-challenge factor Rob mentioned.

I perhaps became an extention of this habit, because my one complaint was that, in situations with certain friends, he'd say he'd want me present then proceeded to neglect me. Most of the fights I can remember (and there weren't many; maybe 2 a year) revolved around this. He never communicated his issues; I think he just liked to harbor his resentments, complain about me to the "amen" crowd and leave when the first quickie showed up (a 22 year old bus driver with a 3 or 4 year old kid; single mother -- to give you a potrait of this beaut: I went with George to a Xmas party at this firehouse and this girl one minute is walking around holding the girl and the next is flashing a collection of $400 waving it at me and him to do it on their pool table. Classy, eh? Oh, and she's a snowboarder -- big surprise, no?). And being that I was 3000 miles away, nobody told me spit and nobody said spit about it to him. Only the "amen" corner who encouraged her. I found out I had no friends to speak of, which is why I've isolated myself here all summer. Hate to go back.

Believe it or not, this was once a very special, precious thing; I think even he'd admit that much. That motivated me to seek him out last summer to try to get him to open up. Next thing I knew Costco chick, 26, was moving in. And where I'm concerned, he shut down. All I know is I hope to never again hear "I want to marry you someday" because it's the biggest crock ever to be spoken. Someday is an excuse that gets replaced by can't eventually. Lesson for the youngsters: if you hear that, RUN.

Categories: let's see how many I recall (I had percentages once, but I'll forgo those) -- mamma's boys (same as emotionally immature or incapable of a relationship), gay, taken, criminal, insane, self-absorbed, unfunny, unattractive, not interested. How my doin'?


Dante non ha mai immaginato questo cerchio dell'inferno!
post #34 of 61
Men need to wise up since most women are smarter then men. A case study below.....

All babies start out with the same number of raw cells, which over
nine months, develop into a complete female baby.

The problem occurs when cells are instructed by the little chromosomes
to make a male baby instead.

Because there are only so many cells to go around, the cell necessary
to develop a male's reproductive organs have to come from cells already
assigned elsewhere in the female.

Recent tests have shown that these cells are removed from the
center of the brain, migrate lower in the body and
develop into male sexual organs.

If you visualize a normal brain to be similar to a full deck of cards,
means that males are born a few cards short, so to speak, and some of
cards are in their shorts.

This difference between the male and female brain manifests itself in
various ways. Little girls will tend to play things like house or
learn to read. Little boys, however, will tend to do things like
placing a bucket over their heads and running into walls.

This basic cognitive difference continues to grow until puberty, when
the hormones kick into action and the trouble really begins. After
puberty, not only the size of the male and female brains differ, but
the center of thought also differs. Women think with their heads. Male
thoughts often originate lower in their bodies where their ex-brain
cells reside.

Of course, the size of this problem varies from man to man. In some men

only a small number of brain cells migrate and they are left with nearly

full mental capacity but they tend to be rather dull, sexually speaking.

Such men are known in medical terms as "Engineers."

Other men suffer larger brain cell relocation. These men are medically
referred to as "Fighter Pilots."

A small number of men suffer massive brain cell migration to their
groins. These men are usually referred to as..."Mr. President or
post #35 of 61
Patrick: I really can't comment on what you said. Sensitive issues, in case you haven't figured that out.
post #36 of 61
Lisakaz told her tale of the lost boys of NJ,
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Categories: let's see how many I recall (I had percentages once, but I'll forgo those) -- mamma's boys (same as emotionally immature or incapable of a relationship), gay, taken, criminal, insane, self-absorbed, unfunny, unattractive, not interested
Let's see, just to be gender-balanced here (and taken mostly from my between-marriages single adventure in Central New Jersey), my "types of women" list:

1) Lovable alchoholic commitment-phobic who starts fights with bikers on boats on the Passaic River, requiring trips to the drunk tank after emergency canoe trip. (I'd probably still be a little bit in love with this one, but the thrill wore off years later when she called me up trying to get me into some multi-level marketing scam...)

2) Less-than-lovable alchoholic divorcee who starts barfights, cops come, gets herself thrown in the back of the cop car. I gallantly talk the Perth Amboy cops out of the arrest and offer to drive (just drive) her home, ending up cruising for hours up and down the shore attempting to find her place, while she's too incoherent to tell me her correct address.

Then when I finally get her home she criticizes my car for being cheaper than her Mercedes. Which is especially painful because it's actually a rental due to my better (still not a Mercedes)car being in the body shop from my sliding off the road in a fit of despondency from commitment-phobic #1 dumping me precipitously some weeks earlier. Right after she had told me how much she loved me.

3) Commitment-phobic engaged women who talk on and on about why they're probably marrying the wrong guy. Boring fiancee, he's always traveling, he makes her enter all her atm transactions into Quicken, other abusive types. (I've made a point NEVER to ask Lisa to use Quicken!)

4) Married women who just happened to lose their wedding rings (making me think they are type 3). With suddenly-discovered husbands who turn donuts in the parking lot of restauarants in paroxysms of road rage looking for said straying wife who is hiding under my dashboard.

5)Single mothers (not at all a problem in itself) who decide to parent me and tell me what I should wear and eat.

6)Single mother helicopter mechanic with commitment issues, taste for Maurita's margaritas, and with a mother she lives with who doesn't want her dating at age 26.

7)Single mother (see, who says guys won't date single mothers?) professional who suddenly says "you remind me of my brother in jail." Hmmm.

8) Commitment-phobic grad student temporarily in NJ who regale me with tales of casual sex with f*** buddies, tells me how much she'd want to sleep with me, and then doesn't! Gee thanks for the information. Didn't turn out to be "news you can use."

BTW, only #4 skiied, and that was probably only in Bogners, at places with good shopping.

Maybe it's not you, Lisakaz. Might just be the slim pickin's in either gender in Central New Jersey!

I moved to Manhattan, met strange girl Lisa within a few months, 4 months later she says "let's go away to celebrate 4 months and then think about saying goodbye" while also saying "this would be nice to do when we're old", I figure this is my kind of crazy woman.

In the classic "triumph of hope over experience" I decide that I absolutely have to marry this one (while still working out the legal dealings and such with my then not-quite-yet ex-wife.)

Beaches, moonlight walk, proposal, yada yada yada, eventually newly-minted skiing fanatic Lisamarie emerges and won't stop posting!

So don't give up hope!
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[This message has been edited by MarkXS (edited August 24, 2001).]</FONT>
post #37 of 61
What the hell did I do? Some real issues going on.
post #38 of 61
Thread Starter 
I wrote this topic on a lark. Didn't think I'd start a thread like this. Mark great post.

Lisakaz, hang in there. That sounds tough. Don't you wonder after a relationship like that, how you could ever run into another one like him? I mean, what are the odds? But yet it happens. I think like that's winning the lottery.

post #39 of 61
Patrick said "Or are you going to lie and say that you only care about whether your husband thinks you are attractive?"

And Lisamarie replied "Patrick: I really can't comment on what you said. Sensitive issues, in case you haven't figured that out."

OK, I'll jump in. Of course she cares whether other people find her attractive.(Especially certain ski instructors! ) Hence the purple ski pants in Italy. Didn't help there though (look up the old "Skiing with Mussolini" posts)

Helps her ski better and enjoy herself, fine with me! I figure that by half way through next season she'll be skiing better than me anyway due to her natural athleticism. Maybe not quite a "shred betty" yet, but getting onto the "look at that babe rip" radar screen.

By the Fernie trip she'll probably be dragging me out on stuff that's too hard for me.

Anyone who thinks their S.O. only cares about their attractiveness to them is deluded IMHO. (converse also true of course)

the important thing is who you're sharing the ski condo room with - not who you're sharing the chair lift or the trail!
post #40 of 61
and amazingly, people actually still ask me from time to time why I don't date.

are we living on the same planet?
post #41 of 61
Lisakaz, You probably already know this, but in the areas that really matter he doesn't sound like a man.
post #42 of 61
Marxs, ENOUGH! Every guy here is jealous of you!
post #43 of 61
Hey, I've done the Quicken entries (his biz)! Only got the faux proposal, never got to make up my mind before he rescinded.

Um, Lucky, guess not, but it was news to me. Never expected I would call him a coward and never thought he'd actually agree.

How does one become a Shred Betty, anyway?

Thanks for your kind words, Rob. I'm sure you'll have a good ski season. Unfortunately, I needed the SO for ski funding! (Gotta work on that...)


Dante non ha mai immaginato questo cerchio dell'inferno!

<FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by lisakaz (edited August 25, 2001).]</FONT>
post #44 of 61
Well thanks to Kima I just found this thread...damn it seems a mighty depressing world out there. not what I was wanting to hear at all ! Just broke up with my skiing, mtn biking, surfing, bf. sniff, sniff. and I would have say SF is the worst place for finding a decent bloke. esp one whos not scared of a chick with brains.

At least one good thing, he always complained about me spending all my $ on vacations...HA....bring it on !
post #45 of 61

You will bounce back soon. Hey, I know where you can spend some of that vaction $$$$$$. Men of SF watch out . . . well at least the straight ones.


post #46 of 61

Sorry to hear about the breakup. Maybe by the time your b'day rolls around nex year you will have a new friend to celebrate with. Ranae says Hi!

Why are divorces so expensive?

Beacause they are worth it.

Take care.

post #47 of 61
>>I've found that they're either gay, taken or AFRAID<<

yah, 3 good excuses we use to keep the ones that want too much at arm's length.<FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by Roto (edited September 04, 2001).]</FONT>
post #48 of 61
I've been divorced for about two years now. My ex did not ski. (didn't do anything else, for that matter) BUT i can tell all of you "recently single" skiiers, after the initial heartache, skiing solo is GREAT.

I get up WHEN i want, Travel in any kind of WEATHER I want to ski WHERE i want. the singles llines always move quicker. I can grab a "Balance" bar on the chair and skip lunch without listining to whining and complaining. NO ONE tells me what I can or cannot attempt, which trail to take, or gets jealous of an instructor taking me down any trail or even OB. I can stay till last chair, pick whatever apres bar I feel like, or simply go home and crash (usually what happens, im exhausted.)

everyones adrenaline is up and the people you meet on the chair ususally love to talk.

when its time for new equipment (frequently) I have only myself to listen to about "budgets" (im not very good at that, either.)

Keep your chins up, it wont be long before you are able to see the good side of single skiing!
post #49 of 61

Seems like a distribution problem. Maybe if I ever finish this degree I should move. At least I'll end the self-torture element of the equation and may start a trend to even out the overall problem.


Dante non ha mai immaginato questo cerchio dell'inferno!
post #50 of 61
I'd like a gf that is skilled enough yet patient enough that she has to wait for me and she does. Now that would be cool. It would mean she really digs me. (Sigh)
post #51 of 61
Astrochimp, Wait for you to do what? All sorts of things ran through my mind.
post #52 of 61
Quoth Lisa Marie:
But Mark is the one who has been skiing since he was a kid. When we first got married, I thought that skking was the most psychotic thing that one can possibly do!

Psycosis is transmitted via contact with snow. You must have caught it last winter. Stay away from sharp objects unless they're connected to P-Tex.

Trouble is, so did his first wife.
So here I am.

I had an even worse problem. My ex-wife used to race in college. We skied together while we were courting. She announced she hated all aspects of skiing on our honeymoon. Ooops. Five years later, I was much poorer but much wiser.

I do not believe that your SO has to be a good skier in order for the relationship to work, as long as you follow a few ground rules.

1) Do not expect her to catch up to you technique wise, if you have been skiing since childhood. Its not going to happen. Do a few runs together, then head off and do your own thing.

Don't know about that. My girlfriend improved steadily over last season and we ski together most of the time. She started as a solid intermediate and can now handle steeps, rounded bumps, and she kicks butt in powder. Of course, I totally suck so she'll be at my level soon.

2) NEVER try to teach her to ski!! Leave that to the pros.

I do suggest a few things from time-to-time but I agree with you for the most part. On the east coast, they don't usually teach people how to get back into their skis in 3 feet of powder. They also don't teach how to use rocks and bamboo poles to defeat flat light above the tree line. I haven't seen 'em teach much tree skiing or closed trail poaching, either.


3) If you send her to ski school at Killington, forget about her ever going to slopes again, at least for a long time.

So I guess the season perfect turn pass at Killington last year doomed her, eh? Like any other resort, Killington has both good instructors and bad instructors and most of the best ones are booked up teaching private lessons or advanced clinics. Since you do something like that for a living, I'm surprised at your closed-mindedness. She was doing just fine in the waist-deep powder at Valle Nevado last week. Her first words to me 200 turns into that day were "I guess we're coming back here next year again, right?"

4) Do not take her on trails that are beyond her ability. Leave that to the pros. Who would you rather have her scream at, you or her ski instructor?

Oops. Done that a few times by accident. Usually it was when something had gotten really bumped up when I hadn't seen it yet that day. I'd _MUCH_ rather have her yell at her instructor. Of course, there was that time the end of last April when she had that one hard lemonade too many on the roof of Cooper's Cabin at 3:00. Halfway down the bump run we were poaching, she announces "I'm DRUNK!" and rolls and slithers her way to the bottom without the skis making much snow contact the rest of the way. I left her passed out on two director's chairs in the parking lot with some friends and took a couple more runs. Somehow, it was my fault for mixing those 10-count margaritas and making her drink that last hard lemonade.

5) Skiing is a great form of foreplay. Make "constructive use" of your apres ski time.

That's why I have a whirlpool tub and a large container of ibuprophin.
post #53 of 61
GeoffD, You should have been able to sue her for false advertising.
post #54 of 61
Never did reply to that list...

I/he/we violated most of 'em with the exception that 1) I did not get as good as he was and 2) I think he expected more (which was stupid because we didn't do enough skiing for that to happen). But I learned to trust him because he taught me how to ski; while the trail thing was somewhat contentious, I probably got myself into trouble more times that he did it by taking me down something I couldn't handle. So I learned to trust and he left. Go figure. I might have presumed the other outcome -- I got mad and I left. Maybe that's what I SHOULD have done...humpf.

I am thinking about joining the afraid group. They have all the fun then bail when the fun ends. Sounds like a plan...


Dante non ha mai immaginato questo cerchio dell'inferno!

<FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by lisakaz (edited September 06, 2001).]</FONT>
post #55 of 61
I on the hill for just ONE reason. Nuff said.
post #56 of 61
Boy! How did I miss this thread before. Being from Central New Jersey, I read of Marks experiences and boy did they sound familiar. But reading even more has left me even more confused and has led to a sexual identity crisis!

Now I feel like a Lesbian trapped in a mans body! :
post #57 of 61
Straight guy with gay skis seeks skier women with own skis and lift ticket.

Residing Vail Colorado Dec 2nd to April 17th then back to the beach house in paradise. Private lessons a speciality.


<FONT COLOR="#800080" SIZE="1">[ November 25, 2001 03:33 AM: Message edited 2 times, by man from oz ]</font>
post #58 of 61
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by man from oz:
Straight guy with gay skis seeks skier women with own skis and lift ticket.

Residing Vail Colorado Dec 2nd to April 17th then back to the beach house in paradise. Private lessons a speciality.


You want me to buy my own lift ticket? [img]tongue.gif[/img]
post #59 of 61
Snack / Oz,

It is OK they will let you ride on his LAP.

By the way OZ, don't you have one of the GOLD MEDALIONS? (with that they may cut you some slack)
post #60 of 61
OOOHHH, this is so great! AC, do we need a separate page for Looking for Love??

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