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Good News (for me)

post #1 of 61
Thread Starter 
I just broke up with the woman I've been seeing. More time and money for skiing. The way she ever-so-slightly cringed when I talked about next season's ski trips made me worry. Well, I'm not worrying now.

Rob<FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by rob (edited August 23, 2001).]</FONT>
post #2 of 61
You know, it's funny...
Part of the reason I joined a ski club was to meet a girl.
Then I happened to see how it was for the guys up there at the lodge that happened to have a GF with them.
They were so busy being solicitous to her and making sure she had a good weekend that they didn't seem to be having all that much fun.
Welcome back to the bachelor ranks, where we sit Al Bundy style, let the pizza mellow on the counter for a few days, sniff the clothing to determine cleanliness and belching is a team sport.
post #3 of 61
Is she still available for your booty calls?
post #4 of 61
Sounds like you've been barking up the wrong tree. You need to find a woman that either skis, and skis well, or does not ski at all, has no intrest in snowsports, and thinks it is a good idea for you to have your own personel time on the slopes.
I ended up with the 1st of the two options, but still there are days when she does not want to go, so I leave her at home. She has been so understanding of my need to ski that I ended up marrying her. She can rip it pretty good to. On the groomers she goes flat out and knows how to work the ski (USSA ski kid), however she has a bit of trouble in the junk but she gets better every year.
So option #1 is a good way to go but it is hard to find a compatible companion that actually knows how to ski.
Option #2 - an understanding companion. Good luck on this one through the long haul. I have been down this road before and it works great for the first year or so. Rob this is probably the boat you were in. Very understanding at first, thinks it great you have a passion for something. 2nd season, would like you to stay home at least one weekend day so you can spend quality time together, QUALITY TIME?? That's what skiing is all about.
3rd Season, sick of you being "selfish" and that you like skiing more than her. Pretty much sums it up....goodbye.

So the reality of it is, it is tough enough just to find someone that you can co-habitate with everyday, toss in skiing and it makes it near but not entirely impossible.
The final word is this, if she is the one, she WILL understand and except your skiing habits.<FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by Argus (edited August 23, 2001).]</FONT><FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by Argus (edited August 23, 2001).]</FONT>
post #5 of 61
Ain't married here yet, but I understand ya Got to admit tho, my gf gets puppy dog eyes and tells me not to go without her when she's working and i'm not

Fortunately, working at a shop helps out with getting the gf up to the slopes too

post #6 of 61
WOW! If I hear one more girl whining about a man shortage! What is it, the good one's are either gay, married or skiers?

Last year, when Mark was working, I went on 2 Boston Ski and Sports Club trips by myself.

Not only were there more men than women, but most of them were attractive and well educated.

BSSC also has a bunch of summer programs. Loads of women show up for those. But supposedly, if they find out that the guy is a skier, they dump him! Well DUH!

Here's the weird thing: I went on a ski trip by myself. I post here more often than my husband.

But Mark is the one who has been skiing since he was a kid. When we first got married, I thought that skking was the most psychotic thing that one can possibly do!

Trouble is, so did his first wife.
So here I am.

I do not believe that your SO has to be a good skier in order for the relationship to work, as long as you follow a few ground rules.

1) Do not expect her to catch up to you technique wise, if you have been skiing since childhood. Its not going to happen. Do a few runs together, then head off and do your own thing.

2) NEVER try to teach her to ski!! Leave that to the pros.


3) If you send her to ski school at Killington, forget about her ever going to slopes again, at least for a long time.

4) Do not take her on trails that are beyond her ability. Leave that to the pros. Who would you rather have her scream at, you or her ski instructor?

5) Skiing is a great form of foreplay. Make "constructive use" of your apres ski time.

Good Luck!

Be Braver in your body, or your luck will leave you. DH Lawrence
post #7 of 61
This could be one hot topic. I'm not going there.... yet.
post #8 of 61
I have the greatest rule -No relationships with men from the first snow fall till the end or till I get the jones for a guy to hang around longer than a night.

I had a boyfriend last year, a first in a long time that lasted the winter, and he understood that the only time we would hang out was from about 8PM till 5AM. It worked out pretty well especially since last winter was pretty cold and its nice to have someone warm up my bed.

Set your priorities and its all good. Besides the only relationship worth having is the one you have with the Mountains.
post #9 of 61
Sorry about the break up it is always tough no matter what. I totally agree with LisaMarie said about lessons and expecting her to catch up maybe that will happen. Not in my case though. I too skied without my husband a couple of times last year, but he never went without me. I am always ready to go!

I firmly believe that you must share passions.
Find someone who shares yours and life is better.

And please refrain from making that booty call shame on you milesb!
post #10 of 61
I think it's possible for a SO to catch up technique wise even if she/he hasn't skied their whole life and you have. I've been on both sides of the table One of my ex's passed myself up due to sheer dedication (she went 40 times in 1 season as opposed to my 15 and took lessons every 3rd or 4th trip). Same with myself. My current gf has skied longer than I have by a long shot, but with gate bashing clinics and privates, i've passed her up So it's possible. Now, whether or not to expect it is another story

I think a good rule of thumb is, if she/he wants it, it'll happen

post #11 of 61
LM, I've found that they're either gay, taken or AFRAID...either that I'm smarter than they are or of committment in general. Skiing seems to have had no effect on the equation, or only explains how I got almost 7 years with my first ski instructor before losing out to beer or dirt biking or whatever. Have to find me one of these ski clubs...but I doubt it'll change the prime directive here, that being the predominating equation of gay, taken or afraid as per above.


Dante non ha mai immaginato questo cerchio dell'inferno!

<FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by lisakaz (edited August 23, 2001).]</FONT>
post #12 of 61

You could not be more right. That is the way it is in our house and it works fine. Also if yuo have small kids and no babysitter you hae to share slope time. Don't be a pig of those nights by the fire could be lonely!!!!

Later, Peace & OUT

post #13 of 61
Damn, you folks have done it again. I'd better stop at the store get some chicken to grill and flowers. Thought I was going to sneak out for a ride tonight, but no. Put the guilt on me.

Rob, sorry about the loss. It's never easy.


post #14 of 61
I've been skiing full time for a living long enough that my sense of attraction long ago even got twisted so that when I see a beautiful woman on the slopes . . . and then see she ski's horribly, she is immediately less attractive to me (doesn't even look as good anymore!). Likewise, a woman who skis strong (a "shred betty") immediately looks far more attractive to me!

Knowing this for a long time, I married another pro skier some years ago - and haven't regreted it for a second!
post #15 of 61
rob, sorry about the break up perhaps it's for the best?...
lisamarie, in general you're points are right on however I've broken your "NEVER try to teach her to ski" rule and it worked out fine. (That was even before I was teaching). You definitely have to be careful though. Interestingly, when we attempted to learn ballroom dancing together it didn't work too well. (of course that was her fault...)

I would say however that if she wants to ski on 110's or pieces of wooden fence posts just let her. Don't attempt the "That's no good" lines because if she gets what you think and it doesn't work the misery goes against you and skiing. (of course boots need to fit right- no white,purple or pink rear entry boots!)

Anyway, other things got in the way- knee problems and other weekend commitments of hers. The problem becomes the amount of time spent apart.The weekends apart plus living in areas over an hour apart (an NYC problem). Eventually you're spending almost no time together and that becomes a problem.

I don't know how Pierre's done it.

anyway, "teleychick meet rob, rob this is teleychick..."

classic quotes:

>>She has been so understanding of my need to ski that I ended up marrying her.<< -Argus

>>Besides the only relationship worth having is the one you have with the Mountains.<< -teleychick
(she's really got it bad!...(must be out west))
post #16 of 61
Aw gee! All those hours in the gym, and as an "unseasoned" skier, I would be considered unattractive on the slopes.

Better quit now!

Lisakaz, you ARE too smart for most men, but a real men could handle it!

Tog, the fact that you eventually became a ski instructor means that you were talented at it in the first place.

Be Braver in your body, or your luck will leave you. DH Lawrence
post #17 of 61
You can get away with only one partner skiing if you live by the mountain, but when you have a 3 hour trip like we do, you both have to be keen. mr twoKiwis had to learn to ski or he was down the road, luckily he loved it. I wish I'd had LisaMaries advice back then, would have helped.

He's now my best ski buddy and it's not very often we go without each other. I was foolish enough to do an MBA while working full time a few years back, so he went on his own for a bit.

We have a beer ad here in NZ that finishes with a quote 'it's a hard road finding the perfect women'. Works both ways

Maybe AC could set up a discussion group for skiers finding compatible mates.

mrs twoKiwis
post #18 of 61
lisamarie, Todd obviously is pretty hard core with the skiing thing...Don't forget there's still many hours -off- the slopes! So don't give up! Though I complain about the gym, I must say it's been good for the city visually...esp. in summer. (Rollerblading too) So keep up the good work!

More classic lines:
>> mr twoKiwis had to learn to ski or he was down the road, luckily he loved it<< -mrs. twokiwis
more good material!

Not convinced about this gay theory...I mean what's the percentage? It's got to be small unless you're in certain urban areas (and then only parts of those). Maybe it's because they're -unavailable- that they're so noticeable.(i.e. "safer") When it comes to commitment are the "modern" women any different?

oh, did I say that?...geez, look at the time! gotta go!....
post #19 of 61
Lisamarie, why do I have the feeling that you are a better skier than you let on?

Or perhaps, given your profession, your standards for what is acceptable in any athletic endeavor are a bit high, and as a result, you are somewhat self critical.

Nonetheless, this may be a good argument for not allowing one's SO to teach them to ski. If the woman feels that she looks unattractive, she will be self conscious, and her learning will be hindered.
post #20 of 61
Even when I was Directing Training and eventually the Ski School - I never coached my wife (nor when she was my girlfriend). A good friend of mine, Scott Wolf (very powerful skier), would always take her out for help and I would take his girlfriend (eventually wife) out for lessons. It was a good trade, and I think much safer for everybody concerned! I think its certainly possible to teach a mate without trouble, but if you don't have too - its easiest to just not try!
post #21 of 61
It's funny Todd, I agree that gf/bf training is usually an insane gamble. I met my future wife when she was a reasonably decent parallel "bunny". She started teaching and five years later, Lev III pullin 300+ req hrs. and the line voted her "SKIINGS top 100". Through this she had lots of great training, I hid. She caught me sometimes...and now she says I was her favorite trainer...and the most patient.

I don't remember it that way.
post #22 of 61
It's funny Todd, I agree that gf/bf training is usually an insane gamble. I met my future wife when she was a reasonably decent parallel "bunny". She started teaching and five years later, Lev III pullin 300+ req hrs. and the line voted her "SKIINGS top 100". Through this she had lots of great training, I hid. She caught me sometimes...and now she says I was her favorite trainer...and the most patient.

I don't remember it that way.
post #23 of 61
I think its challenging to teach ANYTHING to your SO if ego or vanity are involved. Typical LisaMarie/Markxs conversation.

LM: Honey, it would be great for your back and neck if you sat for at least an hour a day on the stability ball while you're at the computer.

MXS: {doing a Jerry Lewis type imitation of someone falling off the ball while at their desk} Why do you fitness instructors always like to put people on things they could fall off of?? First the Step, then Slide, now these Balls and Wobble Boards. I suppose you expect me to clap on the 4th beat of the music while I do this!

LM: Well, you take me on trails where I can fall down and that would be much worse than falling off a Ball!

MXS: Hey, what's better for the ego? Saying that you sat on a ball for an hour and didn't fall, or saying that you skied a Black Diamond without falling?

I just can't win!

Seriously, although I think that Women's Skiing workshops are great {I certainly take alot of them} if you ski with a guy, you better take some classes with a male instructor.

Patrick: I'm not quite sure of how to respond to that.

Tog: Not quite sure of the statistics. But I do wonder if in Cambridge, where many of the beautuful "Barbie Doll" types are lesbians, the men complain that all the good women are gay?

Be Braver in your body, or your luck will leave you. DH Lawrence
post #24 of 61
teleychick I like your style. Lisakatz, why would men be afraid of smart women? As long as the person doesn't make an issue of it, who cares.
post #25 of 61
When I met my wife, she had only skied once. But I made sure to inform her, before we got married, that skiing is what I do, and what I'm all about, and that I will always ski - a lot. So she learned early on, that if she wants to spend time with me, she'll need to enjoy skiing. Lo and behold... she does! She even went heli skiing with me at Whistler.

But to be sure, we have taken a few warm weather vacations and a few seperate vacations. As a matter of fact, this saturday, she is going to go to the beach with her sister and family and our 12 week old daughter for a week. A week of freedom! I wonder how I'll handle being seperated from my baby for the first time? I think all the extra riding, some golf, some beer, etc., should make it a bit easier. Not to mention the sleep I'll get!
post #26 of 61
Lisamarie, I understand what you are saying about women needing to take classes with a male instructor if they plan to be skiing with a man.

But being your typical testoterone poisoned male, I become a victim of the Green Monster of Envy if she skis a trail him that she would be afraid to ski with me. I know! That's ridiculous!

Just to play Devil's advocate; based on what Todd said about a woman becoming less attractive to him if she does not ski well, wouldn't a woman be less apt to go all out in her skiing if she felt that she would not look pretty to her instructor while doing so?

Or are you going to lie and say that you only care about whether your husband thinks you are attractive?

You yourself have said that you sometimes hesitate to ski more challenging terrain because you're afraid of not looking graceful while doing it.

Also, please say it isn't so about some of those Cambridge "Barbie Doll" types.

cheers! <FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by Patricks8 (edited August 24, 2001).]</FONT>
post #27 of 61
I will say first that teaching a significant other can be difficult. But it does not have to be that way. My gf and I participate in many different sports together, ski, golf, baseball, volleyball etc., The key to constructive instruction is to offer it after the day is done. If you offer advice during it tends to screw the other person up even worse. If the person is feeling in need of self improvement then by all means let them spend the day in professional instruction.
post #28 of 61
I've seen a number of budding relationships go sour when the young lady turns out to be the better skier. I'm not talking about myself but from my experience as a coach and stepfather. It's very threatening for a young guy when he can't "keep up". I also learned the hard way, a number of years ago. when I tried to teach their mother to ski. She married me anyway. She keeps asking "how long are you going to do this" though. So far it's been 17 yrs with nno end in sight. I told her when I die I want my ashes thrown through the snow gun at the local hill(on the race run)(it'll probably be the halfpipe).<FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by SLATZ (edited August 24, 2001).]</FONT>
post #29 of 61
As an instructor one of the key elements to being a good or effective instructor is paitence. THis falls back into the gf/wife/so catagory. The issue is not the conflict between the two but the lack of paitence displayed by the instructing partner. Haven't you ever heard a father yelling at his kid on the slopes? Probably because the kid is not reaching the parents expectations.
I do not try to teach my wife, I give her pointers. "Honey think about this..." And I focus on one thing a day. Or maybe that same thing until she improves over several days. She ask's for my input and I give it to her.
Another thing about skiing relationships is paitence. Paitence on the slope. We have all at one time or another been the slowest in a group during one activity or another. It is totally bunk to slide up to the group and have everybody roll out immediatly. You are tired, they have all rested and recovered while waiting for you. Make that persons experience a positive one and wait for them to be ready before the group takes off again. Let them go first, and you catch up.
Problem with this is the impaitence of macho skiers. I cannot tell you how many times I have been passed on the groomers by some flailing chump who thinks the most important thing is to get to the bottom first. I am already going fast, that person has to straight run to get by.
Anyway Paitence is a virture and far too many people do not understand that.
post #30 of 61

I don't know the reason for the fear. I do know it exists, because the closer I've gotten to my degree, the more remote he became. I also knew this Englishwoman who was married to a professor, and she had not gone to college when they wed. The closer she got to university acceptance, the more negative the husband got. He didn't want her to go, as a change his perceived superiority. So, they ultimately divorced and she went to college, including a year in America where I met her.

As to the "why" on my end, I've never gotten an answer. It seemed like to me that he bent over backwards to earn my trust and when he got it, he threw it away. If that isn't rooted in fear, well, what?

I once divided up the male population into various categories to explain the situation to a lesbian pal of mine. It actually made HER feel better!

I actually thought I was a good student in the SO instructor scenario. He got impatient after a couple seasons, when I didn't meet whatever his expectations were.

LM: The "real man" thing must be a myth. Haven't met any of those. I teach young adults and my collegues are often married or attached or otherwise often gay. At least with the gay ones you have something in common!


Dante non ha mai immaginato questo cerchio dell'inferno!
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