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Bad joke file - Page 5

post #121 of 135
How come your motorcycle fell down? :


I guess because it was two tired! :
post #122 of 135
along the light bulb theme:

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

None the keyboard player can do that with his left hand.



And keeping with the musical theme:

How do you get a guitar player to turn teh volume down?

Put some sheet music in front of him.
post #123 of 135
great musician jokes crank! Here's another.

What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead trombone player?

The snake was probably on the way to a gig.
post #124 of 135
A newly-married Chinese couple were in their hotel room after the wedding.

Husband: "I'd like to make this night really special for you. If there's anything you'd like to do, just name it".

The wife thought about it for a little while and said: "Well, I have always wanted to try 69".

The husband looked at her and said: "You want beef with broccoli?!"
post #125 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by nogophers View Post
A newly-married Chinese couple were in their hotel room after the wedding.

Husband: "I'd like to make this night really special for you. If there's anything you'd like to do, just name it".

The wife thought about it for a little while and said: "Well, I have always wanted to try 69".

The husband looked at her and said: "You want beef with broccoli?!"
LOL!

I've also heard of a Chinese 69 as "two can chew"...
post #126 of 135
What's the difference between a soprano and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrrorist.

What's the dfference between a soprano and a Rottweiller?
Jewelry!
post #127 of 135
An American was going on safari with a guide and two native porters. They hiked miles into the jungle. When night fell, they began to hear drums beating in the distance. The porters looked a little nervous, but the guide said, "That goes on every night." They continued on for two more hours, as did the drums.

Suddenly the drums stopped. The porters screamed and threw themselves to the ground. The guide looked frightened. The American said, "Why, what happens when the drums stop?"
.
.
.
.
.
.
The guide cringed. "Bass solo!"
post #128 of 135
From a few friends:

An accordion player gets a gig in a town far away. He puts his ax in the car and starts off. Along the way, he gets hungry, so stops at a diner. During the meal he realizes that he forgot to lock the car! He runs out to his car, but he's too late. Someone put another accordion in his car.

How do you know the stage is level at a bluegrass concert? The banjo player drools out of both sides of his mouth.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?A flat minor.
post #129 of 135
Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wong's have a new baby. The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely Caucasian, white baby boy. "Congratulations," says the nurse to the new parents.
"Well Mr.Wong, what will you and Mrs.Wong name the baby?"
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, "Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we name him Sum Ting Wong.
post #130 of 135

I took the liberty of moving this for WTFH

Always use protection!
A young couple was making passionate love in the guy's van (you know, carpets, big double mattress in the back... all that) when suddenly the girl, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out "Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!" The guy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the aerial off his van and proceeds to whip the girl until they both collapse in sadomasochistic ecstasy.

About a week later, the girl notices that the marks left by the whipping session are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?" The girl is a little embarrassed but admits that, yes, she did. Nodding his head knowingly the doctor exclaims, "I thought so, because in all my years of doctoring, you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen."

post #131 of 135
Oi, it's not THAT bad a joke!
post #132 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wear The Fox Hat View Post
Oi, it's not THAT bad a joke!
Hate to break it to you FOX, YES IT IS!!! Oy Vey!
post #133 of 135
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wear The Fox Hat View Post
Oi, it's not THAT bad a joke!
It's pretty bad..........
post #134 of 135
Why did the rich Beverly Hills socialite refuse to get a colostomy?













She couldn't find a bag to match her shoes.
post #135 of 135
How can you tell which clan a Scottsman is from?







It's easy! You lift his kilt. If he has a quarter pounder he's a McDonald!
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