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A Trip to Wal-Mart

post #1 of 25
Thread Starter 
A TRIP TO WAL-MART


You are in the middle of a home improvement project at your house.

You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit... shorts with the hole in crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.

Right in the middle of this great project, you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to complete the job.

Depending on your age you might do the following:



In your 20's:

Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and dress to impress. Check yourself in the mirror and flex.

Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane.

You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.



In your 30's:

Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it.

Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister of someone you went to school with.



In your 40's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands.

Your bottle of Brut Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.



The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.






In your 50's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car.

Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat.

The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it.




Then you remember the hat you have on is from your buddy's bait shop and it says, "I Got Worms."





In your 60's:

Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose off the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants.


The girl running the register may be cute... but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.






In your 70's:

Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready too. Don't even notice the dog crap on your shoes.


The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.





In your 80's:

Stop what you are doing.



Start again.



Then stop again.

Now you remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart.



Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for.



Fart out loud and turn around, thinking someone called out your name.





The old lady that greeted you at the front door went to school with you.
post #2 of 25
I stop what I'm doing, wipe the grease off my hands so I won't make the steering wheel too slippery. No need to change or wash, nobody would have any interest in an poor old fart like me. I'm wearing underwear so the hole in the crotch doesn't matter. The girl behind the cash is my daughter's age, but I don't give a damn; I still think she's hot and I don't feel guilty at all. I don't need no schtinking prescriptions.
post #3 of 25
There's A Hot Girl Working The Register At Wal Mart?????......
post #4 of 25
Bud, when you get 56, most girls under the age of 40 look hot reguardless where they work.
post #5 of 25
None of the above.

Ok, I start to wipe some of the dirt off and then (I'm gettin' close to 60), go into a major sinit and rant.

I just got used to going into that "Ace Place" where the helpful hardware man didn't know his *** from a fireplug and I had to hunt and guess on my own. Now they are gone too.

Cuss out the fact that the only game in town is Home Depot where I can wander for hours down poorly marked aisles hunting among a huge selection highly priced junk, none of which will fit when I get it home anyway.

Curse old Charlie Hoffman for closing up that hardware when he was 80. That grumpy ol' bastadd should have lived till 130 fer' Chrisssake. All I had to do was toss a broken gizzzmo, what-cha-ma-call-it or doo-dah on the counter and he had a replacement for about $1.50 and it fit the first time every time.

Screw the house, use the other bathroom and I'll be dead before that roof patch leaks so who cares? Let my kids worry about it.

I think I'll take a nap now and dream about that girl who used to flirt with me down at the Stewarts Root Beer.

:
post #6 of 25
In your 40's (married 20+ years):

Stop what you are doing. Curse a couple of times like you mean it. Wife gets concerned. You explain the problem and your fustration. She feel sorry for you and asks what she can do to help. Reply, "If you could run to Wal-Mart..." She goes. You open up a beer and turn on the ballgame. Then listen for the car to pull back up.
post #7 of 25
I make it simpler. I don't spend any money there. Or K-mart. Cheap stuff is so cool to many but at the cost of wages and benefits kept from the employees.I won't be party to it.
Same for K-Mart
post #8 of 25
Yeah GarryZ....but what about the hot cashiers??
post #9 of 25
Put on clean clothes to go to Wal*Mart? Why? So all the other customers can tell that you don't normally go there?
post #10 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by bud heishman View Post
Yeah GarryZ....but what about the hot cashiers??
Nordstroms:I don't shop there very often but it is nice to walk through to get to Sears.
post #11 of 25
Phil P. - awesome!
post #12 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by GarryZ View Post
I make it simpler. I don't spend any money there. Or K-mart. Cheap stuff is so cool to many but at the cost of wages and benefits kept from the employees.I won't be party to it.
Same for K-Mart

You later said that you shop at sears.... You do know that they merged and are now the same. You can buy your craftsman tools at the big K
post #13 of 25
Phhht. Garry, don't be a prude. Shop wherever your dollar gets you the most.... Yard sales and thrift shops! OPJ (othe people's junque).
post #14 of 25
Who the he!! shops at WalMart for home project supplies? Go to Home Depot or Lowes (or some other similar store) and wear what you've got on. You'll fit in with all the other dirt covered people that are there picking up home project supplies.

I'm in my early 40s and I just get my keys, get in the car and go. If I'm govered in paint and dirt and smell like I just finished a shift on an oyster boat, then fine.

And yeah.... hot chick at Wally World? I think not. Even if you are in your 60s or 70s. 'Course, I guess that depends on where you live.
post #15 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duckys View Post
You later said that you shop at sears.... You do know that they merged and are now the same. You can buy your craftsman tools at the big K
I just got a thing about K-Mart as I wax married to a K-Mart manager and she was treated like most of their employees. Very poorly. I can see the K-Martization already going on at sears and I don't like it one bit. Some replacement tools are being supplied that are inferior from earlier models. Tape measures for one .
I own many guaranteed tools and shop there for some new stuff and more often getting replacements for broken items.
I did just buy a BBQ there that was very highly rated but over time they will fix that too. They are bringing in many much lower quality items that are ,most likely, higher profit margin items.
Sears is not better by being owned by K-mart. It was a grasp for a more solid foundation by K-Mart as their nameplate stores were losing money and the company was tanking . It was already in bankrupt status .
post #16 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bonni View Post
Phhht. Garry, don't be a prude. Shop wherever your dollar gets you the most.... Yard sales and thrift shops! OPJ (othe people's junque).
Best deals are others people's stuff they no longer need.A good way to get camping cooking supplies you can trash and replace with little cost.
post #17 of 25
I prefer dealing off the back of a truck.
post #18 of 25
RE: hot girl at Walmart

Yeah she's hot but by Walmart standards that means she has teeth and one good eye

Walmart sucks!
post #19 of 25
I love all the Walmart bashing.

Yeah, I hate the place too. Big corporations and all that come with them. But where are people supposed to buy things? I try to buy my food local, but some stuff can only be purchased at places like wallmart. I hate feeling bad because I have to shop at one specific store for any reason.
post #20 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by ct55 View Post
RE: hot girl at Walmart

Yeah she's hot but by Walmart standards that means she has teeth and one good eye

Walmart sucks!

Is she under 250lbs?
post #21 of 25
Actually I felt the example lost little in essence when I substituted "Canadian Tire" for Walmart. Our local Mallwort was built, despite public uproar and lengthy OMB hearings, adjacent to a monastic retreat and we are boycotting it.
post #22 of 25
Hot chick at Walmart? I don't think so. You better get your prescription filled. Going to Walmart is like going to the ugly store.
post #23 of 25
cmon - this is the humor section. You have to make a joke about how there's no other place than Walmart somehow and make it funny! Whoops now this message is unfunny too ... the bad humor is spreading ....
post #24 of 25
I'm sure she looks good in the dark.
post #25 of 25
Baja, very funny!
PhilPug, your version is closer to the truth than some may think!

Reality check - Its the 20 somethings that go as they are, and the 60 or 70 somethings that think they need to do the three S's to go to town in proper fashion.
My father in law will not go to town without being proper.
My husband says, who cares what I'm wearing and if there's grease on my hands, my money spends the same before I shower as it does after I shower.
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