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understanding engineers

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
Understanding Engineers - Take One



Two engineering students were walking across a university campus

when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second

engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my

own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to

the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the

clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."





Understanding Engineers - Take Two



To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be





Understanding Engineers - Take Three



A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a

particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with

those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept

golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper Let's have a word

with him."

He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us?

They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind

firefighters.

They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so

we always let them play for free anytime"

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for

them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist

colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." The

engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"





Understanding Engineers - Take Four



What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.





Understanding Engineers - Take Five



The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The

graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The

graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"





Understanding Engineers - Take Six



Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.

Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"





Understanding Engineers - Take Seven



Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.





Understanding Engineers - Take Eight (an old one)



An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now, that's cool!"
post #2 of 12
This post is worth of its own thead.
post #3 of 12
I don't see the humor. Its just several statements of fact.
post #4 of 12
The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like this:
RISK: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people.
REWARD: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame.

Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of risks and rewards and decide that risk is not a good thing. The best way to avoid risk is by advising that any activity is technically impossible for reasons that are far too complicated to explain.

If that approach is not sufficient to halt a project, then the engineer will fall back to a second line of defense: "It's technically possible but it will cost too much."
post #5 of 12
  • Real Engnieers.
    1. Real Engineers consider themselves well dressed if their socks match.
    2. Real Engineers buy their spouses a set of matched screwdrivers for their birthday.
    3. Real Engineers wear mustaches or beards for "efficiency". Not because they're lazy.
    4. Real Engineers have a non-technical vocabulary of 800 words.
    5. Real Engineers think a "biting wit" is their fox terrier.
    6. Real Engineers know how to take the cover off of their computer, and are not afraid to do it.
    7. Real Engineers know the second law of thermodynamics - but not their own shirt size.
    8. Real Engineers repair their own cameras, telephones, televisions, watches, and automatic transmissions.
    9. Real Engineers say "It's 70 degrees Fahrenheit, 25 degrees Celsius, and 298 degrees Kelvin" and all you say is "Isn't it a nice day"
    10. Real Engineers give you the feeling you're having a conversation with a dial tone or busy signal.
    11. Real Engineers wear badges so they don't forget who they are. Sometimes a note is attached saying "Don't offer me a ride today. I drove my own car".
    12. Real Engineers' politics run towards acquiring a parking space with their name on it and an office with a window.
    13. Real Engineers know the "ABC's of Infrared" from A to B.
    14. Real Engineers rotate their tires for laughs.
    15. Real Engineers will make four sets of drawings (with seven revisions) before making a bird bath.
    16. Real Engineers' briefcases contain a Phillips screwdriver, a copy of "Quantum Physics", and a half of a peanut butter sandwich.
    17. Real Engineers know that Halloween is really the same as Christmas, because OCT 31 = DEC 25. (If you _don't_ get it, then you're not a Real Engineer.)
    18. Real Engineers don't find the above at all funny.
post #6 of 12
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind
firefighters.They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime"

The group fell silent for a moment.....The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

That is exactly what an engineer would say, especially here in Florida!

So when are some of the Engibears going to have a conference out west for some CE credits??
post #7 of 12
Wasn't reading this post worth CEU's?

:
post #8 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by BillA View Post
  • Real Engnieers.

    17. ..... OCT 31 = DEC 25. (If you_don't_ get it, then you're not a Real Engineer.)

Real_Software_Engineer?
post #9 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by dadoo View Post


Understanding Engineers - Take Four



What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

Roughly half of the electrical engineers create systems to guide the weapons to the targets. The other half tries to stop them.
post #10 of 12
post #11 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by comprex View Post
Oh Man!! This guy is right near me too! Think my neighbors would mind if I had a tebuchet in my back yard? If they did, I could hurl water ballons at their houses!

Too funny!
post #12 of 12
From 2002, but post #7 is a Classic!!!
http://forums.epicski.com/showthread...ng+eng ineers
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