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Why Men Are Never Depressed

post #1 of 26
Thread Starter 
Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$ 100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. !

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almos t never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

! No wonder men are happier.
post #2 of 26
If women completely understood (and used) the power of their sex, all the above would be reversed.
post #3 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by samurai View Post
If women completely understood (and used) the power of their sex, all the above would be reversed.
You're not going to tell them are you ?
Maybe we should charge for simpleness/happiness seminars and help them out and profit through the experience.

Women should be shown the path to a simpler life but will they follow it ?
post #4 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by GarryZ View Post
Women should be shown the path to a simpler life but will they follow it ?
Hey Garry,

Try one of these.

post #5 of 26
urp fart ... the men can be men thread ... best ever!
post #6 of 26
There has been no mention of BEER!
post #7 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by slider View Post
There has been no mention of BEER!
June 16, 2007

Not so. Please refer to the Maxim 2000 remote.

CharlieP
post #8 of 26
Yup, life is good Great remote. Now there is a winning product concept if ever there was one. Now all you have to do is make it work.
post #9 of 26
I guess there are two sides to every story.

Why it's good to be a woman:

1 We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger,we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.
post #10 of 26
Sorry Ski diva, I could not resist.


I guess there are two sides to every story.

Why it's good to be a woman:

1 We got off the Titanic first.
Ok, this one is valid.
2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
That would scare any of us, provided that we were listening.
3. Taxis stop for us.
Never had a problem there.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
What is this "dancing" thing that you speak of?
5. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo.
What is a fashion faux pas? There are no Speedos in my bureau.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
We don't have to, we like to.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
That isn't necessarily true
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
You should try it some time. Can we watch?
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates
are still there.
Same answer as #8.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
It's not that we can't, we just don't care.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
Where is the fun in that? Don't worry, we don't do that if it scares us.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger,we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
: I'd need to be a lot older to try that one. A 19 year old? NO THANKS!
13. We will never regret piercing our ears
Not going to happen.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
That's what a cold beer is for. Hey, could you grab me one please?
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.
Huh....did you say something?
post #11 of 26
I'm sorry what did you say Diva? I was thinking about sex/sports/beer/skiing ...

I like the fact that men condense the important stuff and blot out the rest. For instance remembering what Ted Williams lifetime batting average was (.344). Try and remember who's birthday/anniversary is when though and you got me.
post #12 of 26

Female Brain Diagram

post #13 of 26
Since we're studying neurology:



Makes things interesting, anyway!
post #14 of 26
Good one Diva!


post #15 of 26
I visited a friend in the hospital the other day after his wife beat the tar out of him! I asked him what happened and he explained how he asked her what she wanted for upcoming birthday. She replied sarcastically how about something that does 0 to 200 in under 6 seconds.... so he bought her a bathroom scale!:
post #16 of 26
You got off the Titanic first. About mid point in the cruise many of us didn't want to make landfall; we were gonna jump anyway!

Dance? You wanna dance? Ya' killin me! Ask Ralph, he aint doin nuttin.

Izzat a poodle you hidin under your armpit or what?
post #17 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ski Diva View Post
Since we're studying neurology:



Makes things interesting, anyway!
Is the grey area left unlabeled the part that makes us ,uncontrolably , check out every impressive boob on women we talk to ? I tell myself, look at her eyes . look at her eyes and then it just happens. This is such a curse. I'm not gonna be gay so what can I do to control this horrible afliction ?

I blame women . We are barely able to see anything in the moments of our scary and exciting birthing experience and someone nice stuffs a boob in our face. We continue this for a year or two and then get taken from it in a harsh change of feeding habits. For so many years after they are hidden from us except in partial views and stolen glances.

Soon we become teenagers and all the girls are exploding in the chestile areas all around us. Now. Being curious creatures we seek to explore these new areas of interest . Now we are back on the path we find most comfortable. Being able to stuff your face in a warm ,cozy and happy place.

So we're not staring at your boobs for any sexual reason it's because we are estimatiing it's comfort level just like we might check out a recliner or a nice hammock.
Oops did I say hammock ? Well that's another story.
post #18 of 26
My personal favorites

We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

If we marry someone 20 years younger,we are aware that we will look like an idiot.

We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.
post #19 of 26
As a female, I (and many others, I'm sure) still relish a good few of "man"-perks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BillA View Post
Your last name stays put. - Not married yet, but my last name's not going anywhere.
You can be President. - Come on!
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can play with toys all your life.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
Never mind gender roles! Who doesn't love toys and tanks? And I'm sure chocolate's more than just a snack for some of you guys
post #20 of 26
I’m a male and I’m depressed!
I think my wiener is shrinking!

…I think I will go have another beer.
post #21 of 26

Lexicon of the day

OHNOSECOND : That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an e-mail by mistake)
post #22 of 26
Are you sure about number 4?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ski Diva View Post
I guess there are two sides to every story.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
post #23 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ski Diva View Post
Since we're studying neurology:



Makes things interesting, anyway!
I think you nailed it.
post #24 of 26
I have been on vacation. I am surpised that this thread has been dead for so long. So, I have one more benefit to add to the male list: we actually get to put things in our pants pockets so we seldom need to carry a "man purse."

LewBob
post #25 of 26
Another good reason to be a man ... when we marry a woman 20 years younger than ourselves, we don't give a damn about what the women our age think.
post #26 of 26
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