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Welcome to Epic Worker!!!

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
Welcome to Epic Worker! Please tell us a little bit about yourself!

Thanks!

~Snowmiser~
post #2 of 15
You first.
post #3 of 15
Okay. I don't own a lawn mower, I'm found of Assam Keyhung second flush and I have a bouttonniere.
post #4 of 15
The details of my life are quite inconsiquential.

My father was a relentlessly self improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the kind of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I recieved my first scribe. At the age of 14 a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualisticly shaved my testicles. There is nothing like a shorn scrotum, It's breathtaking. I suggest you try it.
post #5 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whiteroom View Post
The details of my life are quite inconsiquential.

My father was a relentlessly self improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the kind of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I recieved my first scribe. At the age of 14 a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualisticly shaved my testicles. There is nothing like a shorn scrotum, It's breathtaking. I suggest you try it.
Correction...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Philpug View Post
My father was a relentlessly self-improving ski instructor from Belgium with low grade carving and a penchant for skidding. My mother was a fifteen year old French tour guide named Chloe with pronated feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the pole plant. Sometimes he would accuse bindings of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only Volant Addict possess and the Trekchick lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in the Poconos, golf lessons. In the spring we'd make ski wax. When I was insolent I was placed in a Thule cargo box and beaten with ski poles- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first pair of goggles. At the age of fourteen a Ski Patroller named Vilma ritualistically scraped my skis. There really is nothing like waxed ski... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.
post #6 of 15
Everythin', everythin', everytin's gonna be alright this mornin'
Ooh yeah, whoaw
Now when I was a young boy, at the age of five
My mother said I was, gonna be the greatest man alive
But now I'm a man, way past 21
Want you to believe me baby,
I had lot's of fun
I'm a man
I spell mmm, aaa child, nnn
That represents man
No B, O child, Y1
That mean mannish boy
I'm a man
I'm a full grown man
I'm a man
I'm a natural born lovers man
I'm a man
I'm a rollin' stone
I'm a man
I'm a hoochie coochie man

Sittin' on the outside, just me and my mate
You know I'm made to move you honey,
come up two hours late
Wasn't that a man
I spell mmm, aaa child, nnn
That represents man
No B, O child, Y1
That mean mannish boy
I'm a man
I'm a full grown man
Man
I'm a natural born lovers man
Man
I'm a rolllin' stone
Man-child
I'm a hoochie coochie man

The line I shoot will never miss
When I make love to a woman,
she can't resist
I think I go down,
to old Kansas Stew
I'm gonna bring back my second cousin,
that little Johnny Cocheroo
All you little girls,
sittin'out at that line
I can make love to you woman,
in five minutes time
Ain't that a man
I spell mmm, aaa child, nnn
That represents man
No B, O child, Y1
That mean mannish boy
Man
I'm a full grown man
Man
I'm a natural born lovers man
Man
I'm a rollin' stone
I'm a man-child
I'm a hoochie coochie man
well, well, well, well
hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry
Don't hurt me, don't hurt me child
don't hurt me, don't hurt, don't hurt me child
well, well, well, well

Yeah
post #7 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucky View Post
Everythin', everythin', everytin's gonna be alright this mornin'
Ooh yeah, whoaw
Now when I was a young boy, at the age of five
My mother said I was, gonna be the greatest man alive
But now I'm a man, way past 21
In this case, "worthless without TUNES!"

Muddy Waters (McKinley Morganfield) and the Stones, performing Mannish Boy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gWbV6YRF5A
post #8 of 15
Quotes for the Epic Worker:

Here comes the sun... Lennon

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a bannana. Marx
post #9 of 15
Much better, DKN, tusen tak
post #10 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Posaune View Post
Here comes the sun... Lennon
Well Harrison, actually, but never mind.
post #11 of 15
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.
Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400.
My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven.
I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.
I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
post #12 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by sjjohnston View Post
Well Harrison, actually, but never mind.
Shows you how much I know.
post #13 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by sjjohnston View Post
Well Harrison, actually, but never mind.

Hasn't McCartney claimed it as one of his own yet?
post #14 of 15
As soon as Ringo corks they will al be his.
post #15 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by sjjohnston View Post
Well Harrison, actually, but never mind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wear The Fox Hat View Post
Hasn't McCartney claimed it as one of his own yet?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucky View Post
As soon as Ringo corks they will all be his.
Except that Michael Jackson already owns the rights to the Beatles song catalog... which has gotta make John Lennon roll over in his grave (or at least make Beethoven roll over, and tell Tchaikovsky the news)(ha...get it???)

Or did Weird-Michael have to sell off assets to satisfy his debts and court costs?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No thread highjack intended. I haven't quite deciphered this "Epic Worker" theme yet(??)... so the above seemed as relevant as my upbringing in a Tibetan orphanage, swathed in yak's fur until I was old enough to ski down (and to the right) to board the African Queen, where Bogie and Hepburn adopted me and raised me in a kennel with their pack of wild dingos, who taught me to scratch out a living...literally... in the Outback, where Paul Hogan and his brother Hulk showed me how to wrestle alligators, for fun and for profit, which brought me to Wall Street back when "greed was good" and I traded a few alligator hides and beaver pelts for silicon chips... again just at the right time... which allowed me to retire and spend my days in an altered plane of consciousness, surfing Epicski.

But when someone figures out where this thread is going, I'll be here waiting.
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