direct from the Old CountryThis one needs some explanation: In a desperate attempt to unearth jokes we haven't already recycled, I came across this site where a REAL Norsk had translated jokes about his neighbors, with this preface:"I thought it was very sad that the rest of the world didn't get to know how strange our "sweet-brother" to the east is. So, I decided to translate some of our best jokes about them into English."Selected jokes follow below, but the best part may be the comments at the end, posted by offended Swedes! :
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.... And now, the news:A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this morning in central Sweden. Swedish search and rescue workers have recovered 3000 bodies thus far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening...~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once there was two Norwegian and a swedish testpilot who flew a SAAB- JAS fighter plane. Suddenly the plane caught fire and everyone realize that they'll have to bail out. The problem however seems to be that there are only two parachutes in the plane. The swede suddenly interrupts, "Intellektet mitt er for stort til at det kan gaa tapt. Jag tar den ena skjaarmen och hoppar." [My intellect is so big that it can't possibly be lost to mankind. I will take one of the parachutes.] Then he goes and the two Norwegians is left. "What are we going to do now?" one of them is asking. "Well, we'll just jump. The great intellect grabbed my back-pack."
The latest thing on the diet front in Sweden is the new "animal-cure", which is very popular in Sweden. In a short interview, the creator Lasse Gorth, gives us the answer to why he calls it the "animal-cure". "Yeah, well, the reason for that is very simple. You just have to eat like a fly and sh** like an elephant."
The Swedish mountaineer Christer Olsson, has stated in a press-conference that his attempt to climb over the sound-barrier has failed again.
The Russians have found a new easy way to sink Swedish subs. The method is very simple, they just send a diver down to knock on the sub's hatch. Upon which the Swedes reply, "Kom inn
" (Come in). After the diver has waited awhile he knocks again, and then the Swedes will open the hatch to see who it is.
There once was this Swede who after year of waiting, finally got to be lobotimized. But when the surgeon removed the top of his head, he found that there wasn't anything in there, except this little strand of thread. The surgeon didn't know what to do, so he cut off the tread. Guess what happened then???? The Swede's ears fell off...
After travelling through Sweden last summer, I noticed that they had something written on the bottom of their soft drink bottles, "Åpnas på andra sidan" (Opens on the other end).
One foggy night off the southwestern coast of Norway, a Swedish battle ship received a radio signal in Norwegian telling it to shift course 10 degrees to the west.
The Swedish captain bristled, and replied that the sender should shift HIS course 10 degrees to the east!
Moments later the reply came telling the Swedish ship to move 10 degrees to the west.
"I vil NOT!" screamed the captain. He turned to the radio operator and yelled, "Yu tell dat dumb norveegian to shift 10 degrees to da east!"
Again came the reply to the Swede to shift his course 10 degrees to the west.
By now the captain was livid, and he signaled "NOW YU LOOK HERE, I AM A CAPTAIN ON A SWEDISH BATTLE SHIP, AND I AM TELLING YU TO SHIFT YOUR COURSE 10 DEGREES TO THE EAST IF YU KNOW VAT'S GOOD FOR YU!"
Moments later came the reply: "Ja, vel I am at the Norveegian lighthouse and you vil shift 10 degrees to da vest, if yu know vat's good for yu!"
AND NOW THE SWEDES GET TO HAVE THEIR SAY:
This stories are not true.- Hans Fogelmark
Next time you decide to put the jokes on the internet,
how about you write them in Swedish you dumb Norwegian bastard!- Sten Sjøberg
Eh... I don't get it...
What's so funny?-Fredrik, Sverige