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I feel real bad

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 
Junior broke his collarbone today skiing.

His tips crossed and he took a bad tumble. What's worse is that I didn't think anything was broken and I yelled at him, "Quit crying and get up. Nothing is broken". Then, I told him if he didn't quit whining, I was going to, "Spank him in front of God and everybody". **** .

I had him lift his arm to the side and he could - so I just didn't think anything was wrong. But I didn't have him lift his arm in front of him - that's where he broke it.

So we come home and Mrs. SCSA has enough sense to call the doctor. The doctor, it turns out, is a ski patrol. He was very impressed that junior skied down the rest of the run and carried his skis to the car. The doc said that he's taken down more than a few grown men with the same injury who screamed like a baby and couldn't even carry their gloves.

So anyway, do I ever feel like a jerk. At least Mrs. SCSA isn't pissed and I don't have to sleep in the tree house.

So I'm just lumpin around right now, feeling like a jerk.
post #2 of 28
I guess this is a case of live and learn. Sorry to hear about the injury, but on the bright side, kids heal quickly. In 6 weeks he'll be good as new and hopefully be ready to go skiing again.
post #3 of 28
You want to be real careful about yelling at your kids regarding ski issues. I used to nag my kids terribly about toughening up enough to carry their own skis and poles or their own boots/gloves/hats (I'd carry one or the other sets for both of them). As soon as they could come up with "excuses", like helping the neighbor to earn a few bucks or homework study sessions with classmates, etc., they quit going skiing with me.

It wasn't until one of them had kids "they had to take skiing" that they took it up again. But they missed out on 15 years of skiing fun because I made it so miserable for them when they were 10-12 years old.

You really should feel bad. He bit the bullet and skied down in considerable pain just so you wouldn't have to beat him in front of "god and eveyone". You need to give him some special attention and treats to atone.
post #4 of 28
Bad deal SCSA. We all make mistakes with our kids. I have a 28 year old boy(man)that can not ski ever again because I took him down a steep,icy mogal field. I thought he was ready for it but in the process of skiing down it he broke a knee and now it is to weak to support any kind of Alpine skiing. I make it policy not to take anyone skiing on a run with me that I don't think has the ability. Hope he recovers speedily.
post #5 of 28
Ooooooh, that's a tough one. When we were little one of my friends fell skiing; he cried and screamed and was sure he had broken his leg. He rode down on the sled, got x-rayed, and lo and behold his leg was fine.

A few months later, the same thing happens; his dad scoffs and makes him ski down on his own. You know the rest of the story ... this time his leg WAS broken. Oh well. He still loves to ski, if that makes you feel any better.

<FONT COLOR="#800080" SIZE="1">[ November 09, 2001 06:42 PM: Message edited 1 time, by segbrown ]</font>
post #6 of 28
Ouch! When I was 7 I broke my ankle but my Dad thought I was faking. I walked on a broken ankle for a day and a half before my mother finally stepped up to the plate and took me to the doctor.

It's easy to make the call you did. I don't have kids but I know how trying it can be - they can whine about the littlest thing (not trying to put kids down). and learn. Hope he has a speedy recovery. Tell him we are sending him recovery vibes.
post #7 of 28
When I was little and first learning to ski, I fell and ran into my mom.. I cried and yealled "I HATE skiing!" I moved on for 13 years. 2 years ago, I learned again and despite teh fact that my mom made fun of me NONSTOP, I can kick her butt massivly.
Sometimes, a little spite from parents can give kids teh kick in teh butt they need. OR it can do the reverse, my mom dealt with my little bro. the same way. He hates sports, skiing and anything that gets him dirty. All he does is play video games.
post #8 of 28
I am glad my parents don't ski.
post #9 of 28
I sure hope this isn't taken as a lecture, but then I am a Grandpa, and I've had lots of practice with my son.

When a kid goes down, most of the time you don't have anything to worry about. But, it is always better to be safe then sorry. Deb & I were skiing 2 years ago, when a girl crossed ahead of us and took a small jump. When she landed, Deb(an RN) told me she didn't like the way the girl was laying. Her family skied up and were telling her to get up and keep skiing. Deb told one of them to go get the Ski Patrol. She said "I'm not a Doctor, but she looks like she has a broken collar bone." So the Patrol came and the girl went to the hospital at Snowbird (ALTA only has a clinic). Later that day Deb & I ran into the Patroller, and we were told the girl had a broken collar bone.(good call Deb) The point here is, take a moment when a little one biffs to make sure nothing is broken. It's better then really messing up the ski trip, with a compound injury. :
post #10 of 28
Sorry to hear about the accident SCSA. We wish your son a speedy recovery.

Don't beat yourself up too much, you did not do anything evil. But I think that Kneale has good advice. You don't want to push your son to the point that he starts to hate skiing. Talk to him, let him know that you made a mistake. There is no shame in that.
post #11 of 28
I am very sorry to hear about the accident. Collarbones can be extremely painful so I would say he was fortunate. Now some advice I wish I had been given and as a father that raised (3) girls, learn from this a go on. They will be with you for a very short time. Stop, look, listen, and hug them every time you have a chance. It could have been worse. I hope you have a heart to heart with your son where you tell him how out of line you feel were and it was through your love and emotions that things just got away from you. He will understand at any age and love you more for it!

Unfortunately there are no dam directions that come with kids!
post #12 of 28
Tough Kid!!

I separated my shoulder cracked my collarbone two seasons ago. Hurt so bad I passed out. (Now I feel like a wuss 'cuz your kid has bigger stones than me!)

Hope he heals quickly. Just rub some dirt on it... he'll be fine. :
post #13 of 28
Here's a broken collarbone story with a difference.
Back in the 70s I demonstrated the Burt Retractable ski binding (remember that one?) in front of a large audience on the artificial slope at the London Ski Show. The importer of the binding introduced me over the PA, and explained what I was about to do.

I thought the most dramatic way to demo the binding was to perform a diagonal forward roll to trigger the binding release, stand up, pick up my feet and show the bindings dramatically pull the skis back to my feet (that's how it worked, boys and girls, with small cables under foot that pulled the boot to the ski).
Everything was going fine (yes, I'd practised the stunt) except that I was a bit ambitious with the roll, my right arm thundered into my shoulder socket.
I got up, with a broken shoulder and - yes - the binding cables had snapped because the ski tip had jammed into the grid-type artificial matting.
The Burt binding was not a commercial success (I don't think I was entirely to blame) which was a shame, because the idea was unique and revolutionary.
post #14 of 28
Thread Starter 
Thanks for all the kind words.

Definitely lessons learned - so this is an opportunity for me.

First, I have to make skiing fun. I'm all about turning him into the next Ingemar Stenmark which, I've found out, will only turn him off. So, since he's only 7, I'm going to make sure when we go we bring pals along. I think, skiing is much more fun with pals then it is with Dad.

Next, maybe I'll carry some stuff for him. I really load the poor kid down. So, he's probably thinking about skiing like, "Oh jeez, I have to carry all that stuff".

This is the tough one. A lot of his buddies snowboard - his Dad is a snowboarder (FYI, I'm the "other" Dad, we don't use "step"). At first I prohibited it. But now, if he wants to go snowboarding, that's fine with me. But when he's with me, it's skiing. And I won't buy him any snowboard gear until he becomes a good skier.

He's upstairs now, loaded down with candy and videos.

Thanks again -
post #15 of 28

It doesn't matter what he's got strapped to his feet when he comes down the mountain, as long as he has fun (and doesn't make it less fun for anybody else). You can't make anybody excel (or have fun) at anything they don't really want to do.

Skiing isn't for everybody and maybe skiing to him is like you taking a lesson from a PSIA instructor when PMTS is where you wanna be.

I think junior should make you take snowboarding lessons in a straight jacket

One father is worth more than a hundred schoolmasters but Junior is lucky he has two.

Hope he gets better soon.

post #16 of 28
Paul, to be a father is the hardest possible job in the world, nothing compares to it.
The important is, from every experience, be it positive or negative, to learn something
every day, and not to repeat any mistake you make...there are always new ones waiting
I know what I'm talking about, beleive me...
Cheer up, kids heal quickly!
post #17 of 28
Hey SCSA--sorry to hear about that, both for Junior and for your concern about how you handled it. But I'll bet he forgives you--kids are pretty good at that, once they realize what really happened, and that you really didn't mean to give him a hard time.

What am I saying--I don't know anything about being a father! But I do know a little about skiing with kids.

He'll recover. You'll recover. And I'll bet you'll be great skiing buddies again after the lessons you've both learned....

Give Junior all the best wishes for a speedy recovery from all the Bears!

Best regards,
Bob Barnes
post #18 of 28

The fact that you posted this is probably the most telling thing. The "two dads" thing is not easy. 5 to 9 year old boys are particularly vulnerable in the “two dads” scenario.

If you want a pal for junior in the last two weeks of January then look me up in Vail and we could do the "adventure club" thing together with our boys. My boy is 8, pretty adventurous and will be looking for new “partners in crime” to ski with.

“Raising Boys” by Steve Biddulph is a good book about …..

Have fun and a speedy recovery to you both.

Oz [img]smile.gif[/img]
post #19 of 28
Thread Starter 
man from oz,

Hey, that'd be great, skiing with you and your kids. Drop me a line as the date gets closer.

Thanks again,
post #20 of 28
SCSA, if you want a relationship with this kid, don't set requirements like "if he's with me he skis" period. He'll just take the other option. The object is to have fun on the slopes together whether he's on skis and you're on a board or otherwise. You could require he carry his own boarding gear :~). A lot of the folks who have taken up boarding because they were frustrated with skiing have discovered that it's just as demanding as skiing when it comes to being really good at it, and they're having second thoughts about the switch. Shorter skis and skiboard action in the parks also have given skiing a push with kids who started as boarders because that's what their buddies were sliding on.

But you should let the kid himself decide how he wants to recreate. You'll never "make" him a skier. You can only help him if he decides to be one.
post #21 of 28
can't change the past SCSA just keep on the good track 4 the future. sounds like a good start.
sory to hear all these horror stories, I learned to ski just after may dad did & some of my best memories are of us skiing together. He had a stroke last year & I only could ski with him once. It was the hardest thing ever. most of our time has always been on the hill or on the trail so we have had to make other time.
hopefully this year we will be able to revive the family x-mas skiing tradition.
appreciate every moment you have with your loved ones. my dad & I don't really ski the same terrain anymore but I always tried to make a few runs a day with him & I am sure I will even more now.
post #22 of 28

I broke my collarbone in 4 places 3 weeks ago. You maybe read the post.

Relevant to your story. The other time I broke it, when I was 7 years old, the sitter only took me to the doctor after I hadn't eaten for 5 days.

My mom still feels guilty about not being in town and not having the sitter take me to the doctor right away. Catholic upbringing.

It sounds like your little guy didn't have a comminuted fracture but instead the bones are still together. He will be fine in 6 weeks.

I go back to the doctor today to see how I'm doing. Cross your fingers for me.
post #23 of 28
I wish a quick recover to you and to Junior....
post #24 of 28
I don't know much about being a father yet, but I know my choices as a kid. My parents pushed me to play baseball and basketball. It turned out I quit those sports almost immediately and pursued soccer and SKIING. Thank god they never pushed skiing.
post #25 of 28
SCSA, Hope jr. heals quickly. Don't feel too bad and learn from your mistake. Buy the kid some new gear, that will cheer him up and he will be eager to try it out.
post #26 of 28
Everyone makes mistakes, especailly parents. I am sure you are not a bad father or too hard on him. Kids fall all the time and 99% of the time, they get right back up. I spent my entire childhood including college in a competetive swimming arena, and I had my fair share of injuries. However, unless my parents saw that I was either dismembered, not breathing or bleeding profusely, I always got the "Suck it up, get back in there and be tough!" routine when I wanted to skip practice.

At the time it wasnt all fun and games all the time but I can tell you, however, that as an adult with an adult relationship with my aging parents, I hold no ill feelings for their insistence and pushing me. In fact, I thank them every chance I get, not because my athletics got me a free college education or incredible competitive opportunities... But because being an athlete and involved in a sport offers a way of life and a way of thinking that nothing else can. And I wouldnt have done it if my parents let me quit and I love them dearly for that. So don't worry about it. Your son will be fine and so will you.
post #27 of 28

You ought to enroll in a snowboard class with your son so he can laugh at you when you fall on your butt and eat some of that humble pie. He may even offer to help carry your stuff at the end of the day!

Let him learn to board. My pals are all boarders and who cares! I love their company and they have found the love of sliding in the mtns.
post #28 of 28
Don't beat yourself up about this. Being a good parent is a learned skill. We ALL go through similar situations. Sometimes we make the right judgement call and sometimes we miss!

But look at the bright side. In twenty years when your boys an expert skier and can rip any trail on the mountain, he'll thank you for the life skill YOU gave him. What's even better, is when they enjoy skiing with their old man again! Unfortunately by than, you couldn't keep up with them no matter how hard you try.

Remember what goes around comes around. [img]smile.gif[/img]
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