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How ta make yerself inta a mo-ron

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 
Intelligence is very very overrated. How many geniuses have ended up stark raving mad, cut off thier ear or have ended up blowing thier brains out. Face it - the more intelligent you are, the more unhappy you are. Why is this so? - because the more intelligent you are, the more aware you are that everyone else is so damn stupid. And the more you become aware of everyone else's blinding stupidity, the more you realise that this stupidity is the one true evil in this world. Every single problem in this world is the direct result of human stupidity.

Sure, you could fight it. But that's about as easy as punching a hole in the ocean. Or you could do as many Epic posters have suggested and "just mellow out and go with it" - in essence "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em". In this spirit, I offer the following guide to turning yourself into a moron:

You'll need the following:

-one wall mounted mirror
-one shaving razor
-one 1/4" drill bit (sterile)
-one cordless drill (charged)
-one surgical scalpel (sterile)
-one 250cc irrigation syringe
-250cc of Drain-O
-a phone

Proceed as follows:

1. Shave bare a 2" x 2" patch of your scalp somewhere on the top of your head - preferrably somewhere you can see in a mirror.
2. Make a 1" inscision in the middle of the previously shaved area down to the skull. Spread the skin apart so you heve ample room for step #3.
3. Drill through your skull. Stop once you're past the bone. No need to continue into the brain unless you really want to.
4. Load up that syringe with the Drain-O. Insert syringe into the hole you just drilled and depress the plunger. You should immediately start feeling dumber and happier.
5. Before you get too dumb and happy, call 911. You'll need to be stitched up.

You'll be bouncing like a happy pinball through life in no time. Don't worry - God and most societies love the stupid. You'll get by just fine without that big old brain. Plus, now you can do all those things you were unable to do when you were handicapped by your own intelligence:

-Post on TGR about all the good you're doing for the environment by buying useless "green energy" to heat your 25,000 square foot mansion, not to mention keeping your 3 kids warm and cooking beef every night.

-When some gaper slams you in the face with his poles getting on a chairlift, then slams you in the head with the safety bar, then wacks you in the face with his ski pole while pointing out the "double diamond" he skied to his buddies, then whacks you in the head while getting off the lift, you can just think to yourself, "well shucks, I do the same danged thang".

-Stop on traverses and refuse to move.

-Cut low traverses across unskied powder.

-Become paralyzed with confusion over how to use your pole straps.

-Shop at Wal Mart

-Actually enjoy listening to the Dave Mathews Band.

-Point out that powder skis aren't that good at carving short turns on ice.

-Become disgusted with Atomic for putting sleazy thin edges on thier skis.

-Be convinced that once you find the right ski/pole strap/edge bevel/cant angle you'll finally be able to ski instead of flailing around like a gaper.

-Crank crappy Mexican rap in your car outside someone's apartment.

-Watch American Idol.

Basically, the possibilities are endless. Ignorance is bliss.
post #2 of 24
Thread Starter 
Oh - I'd like to point out that I'm performing this proceedure right after I get done typing this. My posts from now on will be extra moronic - although probably not moreso than the majority of Epic posts anyway. However, if the moderators of Epic Ski attempt to delete any of my posts, I will sue on the grounds of discrimination. I'm serious.

See you all on the other side!
post #3 of 24
post #4 of 24
Thread Starter 
dont make funof me. My lawyer says I'm metally challengd. ill sue you to.
post #5 of 24
Get over yourself, Jer.

I've found that people who are intolerant of other's supposed lack of intelligent are usually not very bright. A smart person doesn't need to call out everybody less intelligent than himself.

Save the Drano for your plumbing kid, you were always dumb enough to fall below the mean here.
post #6 of 24
Drano... to make you stupider. That's great. Of all the household cleaners, solvents, poisons, etc., why did you choose the one called Drano?

Just wondering.... please don't sue me.
post #7 of 24
Jerm, I'll be watching you. I know what cell block you are in. If you don't stop this the warden is going to take away your net priviliges and the prison library will be off limits.

Got that. Kansas is a flat and boring place enough in the springtime and this kind of stuff will get you off the plush details like working in the dairy barn and we know how much you enjoy working with the animals.
post #8 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by telerod15 View Post
A smart person doesn't need to call out everybody less intelligent than himself.
and yew no this acuz yer so smart? yoo just hate me a'cuz i dont telemarket.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yuki View Post
Jerm, the prison library will be off limits.
yoo no i don't no how to reed! wy are you soo mean too me?
post #9 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by U.P. Racer View Post
Drano... to make you stupider. That's great. Of all the household cleaners, solvents, poisons, etc., why did you choose the one called Drano?

Just wondering.... please don't sue me.
Hay - does the Benson Grade have eny snow on it yet?
post #10 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jer View Post
Hay - does the Benson Grade have eny snow on it yet?
I wouldn't think so.... there ain't any snow ANYWHERE right now. Marquette Mountain saw it's last day today... Lots of bare spots too...

Der might be a bit o snow left in the woods up der pesheeke grade way, tho.
post #11 of 24
Trepanative surgery didn't work for Jeff Dahmer and it won't work for you. Drain-O or other caustics ....

Oh, what the hell Jer, give it a try and let us know how it turns out.

Promise?

I know giving up your allowance for "Twinkies" would be better spent by becoming an Epic Supporter.

post #12 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jer View Post
and yew no this acuz yer so smart? yoo just hate me a'cuz i dont telemarket...
Haha yeah, also because you use powder skis.
post #13 of 24
Jer, don't do the mo-ron procedure. You don't need it.

Just kidding man. I am however wondering about some of your recent posts. Something is definitely bothering you.
post #14 of 24
It's bothering me also. People here have become Agressively Stupid

I was just informed that a skis edge grip is a function of the skier's ability not the ski, and that I don't understand engineering. If that's 'understanding' I'll stick with what I've got.
post #15 of 24
The old "It's the indian, not the arrow." fallacy. Dumb!
post #16 of 24
Just keep drinking, you will "prune" the weakest brain cells first.
post #17 of 24
Thread Starter 
This is Jer speaking I am back with you. I am now in control of all things.
post #18 of 24

The Vallejo Zone

Jer - Thanks for the amusing thread/random rant. I noticed that your posted location is Vallejo. If you are living there, why have you chosen to live there? Also, are you a product of the Vallejo schools? Even if you are not, do you understand why I am asking the question?

Also, can you please explain the difference between "crappy Mexican rap," and "other Mexican rap"? Are you sure it wasn't reggaeton (which isn't even Mexican)?
post #19 of 24
Thread Starter 
This is Jer speaking yes I am living in Vallejo although I also halve a few trailers located in niebouring counties/townships. As for my formal education I prefer not to delve into this matter. The blue pigs are always watching. As for reggaeton I am unfamiliar. I much prefer light opera.
post #20 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yuki View Post
Trepanative surgery didn't work for Jeff Dahmer and it won't work for you.
This is Jer speaking interesting analogy although dahmer was a bush league punk. Only fools actually get cought.

Here is part of a cipher the other two parts will be posted in different threads in the next 24 hours.

@&%**&^@!&*^%$@**&
$#(&)&^%$**&@!&^%**
&^%#&@*^(*(*&(^^%**
post #21 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jer View Post
This is Jer speaking yes I am living in Vallejo although I also halve a few trailers located in niebouring counties/townships. As for my formal education I prefer not to delve into this matter. The blue pigs are always watching. As for reggaeton I am unfamiliar. I much prefer light opera.
It's now making prefect sense, Jer.....Get those trailers fitted with ultra sonic insulation, metallic reflector variety ASAP. Alien abductors, which are known to be invading your area, are beaming harmful rays through those thin roofs......Take it from one who knows, those home made aluminum foil hats of the 60's don't work! Get the real stuff....
post #22 of 24

actually, yer makin' a play for Vacaville

Jer - you keep it up with the psycho act, and people will send you to Vacaville, not far away from Vallejo...Chuck Manson spent some time there... http://www.cya.ca.gov/Visitors/fac_prison_SOLANO.html
post #23 of 24
Jer, you are lonely. You need a nice girl. Linda Kasabian still lives in Milford NH and last I heard tell, she didn' have a steady guy?
post #24 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dino View Post
Jer - you keep it up with the psycho act, and people will send you to Vacaville, not far away from Vallejo...Chuck Manson spent some time there... http://www.cya.ca.gov/Visitors/fac_prison_SOLANO.html
This is Jer speaking the blue meanies will never catch me or stop my collection of slaves for afterlife. They have been running in circles for decades now. charles manson - another amature.
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