or Connect
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

We've run out of good jokes.

post #1 of 34
Thread Starter 
This isn't funny, it's sad. It's a long time since I've seen a good joke here (or anywhere else) that hasn't been here before. Not surprising, considering that there's 2,031 threads. It's been downhill ever since "Hu's on First", and that doesn't work any more since Arafat died. This has been the best humor forum I've seen, but it's all over now.
post #2 of 34
What do you mean?

I'm still writing them!

post #3 of 34
Thread Starter 
Well, sorry to say you're part of the problem, WTFH!

1) Your Duret post was in the gear forum which I never look at;
2) Your post "What's the worst he could do" is your first in 2 months;
3) It's been even longer since we've heard from your sister;
4) Wish you'd tried to answer the question, "What's the worst he could do?" Or maybe you'd better not.
5) It's symptomatic of the problem that something very similar called "Ways to kill time at Wal-Mart" has been around for a year or more.
post #4 of 34
Regarding point 3, she's still in Oman, and doesn't seem to get as many jokes sent to her these days!

As for point 4, I've been dared to try at least one of them this weekend.
post #5 of 34
But the America versions didn't have the Madonna thing; that was one of the best parts.
post #6 of 34
Thread Starter 
You mean two of the best parts.

And of course in the American version it was guns instead of knives.

post #7 of 34
Did you hear the one about the two Spanish firemen?

One was named Jose. The other was named Hose B.
post #8 of 34
Q: What's the name of a restaurant that has all one legged waitresses?
A: IHop!
post #9 of 34
Thread Starter 
Trying to prove my point, Rusty?
post #10 of 34
A little girl asks her mom where babies come from. Her mother responds, the father puts his ***** in the mother's ****** and 9 months later a baby comes out. The little girls then asks her mom why daddy had his ***** in mommies mouth last night. Mom responds, that's where jewelry comes from.

Edited by someone other than me.
post #11 of 34
Thread Starter 
Whoa, Lucky! You're starting to turn things around!

I don't think it lost anything in the editing.
post #12 of 34
I know for a fact that I've posted a few great jokes on here but obviously you haven't been paying attention.

Here's an Okay joke, not great but okay......
A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of their first stops was the
breeding bull exhibit. They went up to the first pen and there
was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "See
He mated 50 times last year? ... once-a-week."

They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that
said, "This bull mated 120 times last year."

The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more
than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that
said, in capital letters, "THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR."

The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's
ribs, said, that's once-a-DAY. You could REALLY learn something from
this one."

The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it
was with the same cow."
post #13 of 34
Thread Starter 
Pretty good, but I like jokes I can take home and tell my wife. That isn't one. It really, really isn't.
post #14 of 34
Jeez you're a tough guy to please, and obviously you haven't been paying attention!

If you don't laugh at these, then you need a new funny bone!

Women the weaker sex?

Ven Yoopers met

Blonde Test

Power outage during a mammogram

Some things just can't be explained
post #15 of 34
Here's one you can tell your wife.

A horse comes into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, why the long face.
post #16 of 34
A guy walks into a bar .... a knock out blonde on his arm and carrying a small box under the other.

He and the blonde sit down and he puts the box on the bar; whips out a wad of bills and orders the barkeep to set em' up ... drinks are on him!

Just as the barman gets done pouring the rounds to the delight of the patrons ........... the box opens up and out jumps this tiny man. He runs down the bar hurling insults and knocking over drinks then retreats to the box.

The guy with the georgous blonde is apologizing like mad and whips out that massive wad of cash and orders doubles for the house.

Barkeep is puzzled .. but the man pays for the damage and tosses a big tip to boot.

No sooner than the last drink is poured, the box opens and the little man jumps out, stuffs out the barkeeps cigar in a drink, kicks over the pretzels and peanuts and again slings insults at the customers.

And again the man is sorry and pulls out a bigger wad of $$$$$$$ that he tosses down.

Barkeeps says .... "Hey buddy, yer' payin for this but what the f's goin on here???? I gotta know?... "

Man says .... "I was walking down the beach and up washes a lantern and out pops a genie so .... three wishes he gives me .... so I ask for :

A million dollars ..

A knock out blonde .. and

A twelve inch prick!

post #17 of 34
Thread Starter 
The version of that I heard, about 30 years ago, it was a deaf genie and a 12-inch pianist. I admit, yours is better.
post #18 of 34
Thread Starter 
[quote=trekchick;655192]Jeez you're a tough guy to please, and obviously you haven't been paying attention!

If you don't laugh at these, then you need a new funny bone!

Yeah, I may have laughed at those, 7 to 12 months ago. Note that I was in the Yoopers one (Nobody answered my question about the Porcupines).

What I meant was I'm looking for something new. The jewelry one and the bull one are new to me. The long-face one really, really isn't.
post #19 of 34
Thread Starter 
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer, please, and a mop."
post #20 of 34
This guy walks into a bar in Chicago with a crocodile under his arm.
He goes up to the bar and says:
"Barman, do you serve Colts fans in here?"

The bar goes quiet.

Everyone looks at the barman, who is looking at the crocodile, a cold sweat forming on his brow.

The barman stammers as he quietly says "y-y-y-yes we do serve Colts fans"

The guy replies "Great, can I have a pint of Sam Adams, and two Colts fans for the croc..."
post #21 of 34
Thread Starter 
That sounds really, really new!

Of course I suppose it wasn't always Chicago and Colts fans.
post #22 of 34
Did you hear the one about the joke with no punchline?
post #23 of 34
Seeing as how my last joke may have killed the thread, here are a few more.

Probably not very PC:

I got a new car stereo the other day. When I shout "Soul", it plays soul music. When I shout "Rock", it plays rock music. Today, these kids ran in front of my car and I shouted "F#cking kids!!!!" It played Michael Jackson.
post #24 of 34
When I was younger I hated going to weddings... it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped that crap after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
post #25 of 34
post #26 of 34
Hey,most people have been busy at their jobs- skiing and boarding.
post #27 of 34
Here you go, MAPNUT! Hope this fills your need for a few minutes....
post #28 of 34
Thread Starter 
Vail Snopro, you made my lunch hour. Loved the catfish one.

Must be a snow shortage at Vail though?
post #29 of 34
Vail, where is the joke?
post #30 of 34
I have tons of jokes, Mapnut, but I can't put them here, and you can't take them home. Sigh.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Humour and Fun Stuff