New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Gaper Etiquette - Page 4

post #91 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jer View Post
-Go on an internet message board and complain about how thin the edges are on your Atomic skis and how you won't be able to have them tuned 15 times a week without "wearing them out" in a years time. Ask if you should sue Atomic.

-Instead of tuning and waxing your skis before storing them for the summer, just throw 'em up on your garage rafters. When you get 'em back out in the fall and the edges are all rusty, complain about it on an internet message board.

-be a complete moron.
Ha Ha Ha
You forgot the part about being suckered major and having a sales person SELL you another pair of atomics since the year old "used" pair you were going to get from that rip-off atomic rep were so worn out from being tuned so many times.:
post #92 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by ramshackle View Post
Hey Jer I like this one but I have a new suggestion check it out below



Instead of tuning and waxing your skis before storing them for the summer just leave them on your Thule or Yakima roof rack all year long that way people will know your a skier and theyll be really impressed in fact you shouldnt ever take them off the roof rack unless your skiing and if your not skiing the skis should just stay on the roof rack that way everyone knows your a skier.
I don't see a problem with this, myself, assuming you were first core enough to ski all the way onto the brick dining plaza at lunchtime with said skis and try to order from BirdFood with them on. If you can do that, you've earned it.
post #93 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobcatalum05 View Post
Buying 1 slice of pizza 1 bag of chips 1 brownie and 1 drink and then looking dumbfounded when its $14.
That's $23 at Vail.
post #94 of 118
On a powder day, complain about the lack of groomed terrain, then mention how this would never happen at Vail/Deer Valley.

Get close to people you are taking pictures with by standing on their skis. Be sure to cross your tips so you f-k up your skis as well as theirs. (A friend of mine, unfortunately)



Cover your car with Deer Valley, Beaver Creek, and Marker stickers. Do the same to all of your equipment.

Buy one of the spyder insulator jackets that says US SKI TEAM on the back, then use your Texas Tuck while wearing it.

When someone mentions that they race, or ski in the trees, or something like that, lecture them about how dangerous it is. (Happens to me all the time)

Post 1500....wow.
post #95 of 118
Instead of skiing or boarding, just sit on your a$$ and stare down the trial.
post #96 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by doublediamond223;
Get close to people you are taking pictures with by standing on their skis. Be sure to cross your tips so you f-k up your skis as well as theirs. (A friend of mine, unfortunately)
[URL="http://img149.imageshack.us/img149/6659/n9222169322711391328ei1.jpg"
[/url]
No, no, in that picture standing on the woman's skis is necessary and a courtesy. Otherwise, since she's pointing straight uphill, she'd be off down the slope backwards!
post #97 of 118
Go skiing with a baseball cap on. Backwards earns you double points. Wearing goggles with the backward baseball cap triples your points. If your ball cap has a little string with alligator clips clipped to your collar, add 2 points.

I know lots of supposed non-gapers ski with baseball caps, but it's still gaper-gear.
post #98 of 118
OK,Ok....When your skidding down a run be sure to cut right in front of or next to another person(s) standing on the side of the run or anywhere he or she is standing out of the way. To do this correctly you must be at least 3 feet or closer. Any questions?
post #99 of 118
Is that how I fell?
post #100 of 118
At Sunday River the pond is just in front of the chair loading area - they have a net and regularly have to use it to retrieve gapers and/or their equipment that fall off the chair.
post #101 of 118
bump cause some gaper hit me in the head with the bar today on Gad 2, then proceded to try again. grrrr
post #102 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by BushwackerinPA View Post
bump cause some gaper hit me in the head with the bar today on Gad 2, then proceded to try again. grrrr
Baaaaahhhhhhwwwwww....Nazi Bar got ya. Don't wear a helmet? Before the chair is off the ramp I'm watching for those ppl.
post #103 of 118
Bar dilemma Bushwacker?:
A) wear a helmet
B) ski Alta
post #104 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by doublediamond223 View Post
Don't forget to always stand with your A$$ to the Fall Line when taking pictures so if you accidently start moving you are already skiing switch......That's way cool I've heard.

OH...and if you drop your little red dope bag get to the lift ASAP so you can get up to it before somebody else does.
post #105 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by Milllah View Post
Bar dilemma Bushwacker?:
A) wear a helmet
B) ski Alta
I'm pretty sure he does both of those things, but he's a LCC local now and instead of wondering how the use of a safety bar caught him by surprise (twice on the same ride!? ), he's getting his bro-brah whine on.

Did your little visor get messed up, kid?
post #106 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by Milllah View Post
Bar dilemma Bushwacker?:
A) wear a helmet
B) ski Alta
was wearing a helmet, but get this spring day 60 degrees took off BEFORE getting on the lift ugh. Trust me I wish snowbirds lifts had no saftey bars.

Also during a group lesson so I couldnt chew him out in uniform, that also the reason I couldnt e at alta.
post #107 of 118
Classic, Ski Destructor gets nailed by gaper.
post #108 of 118
I was googling angry greased otters and somehow I ended up here.

So, I'll add a couple.

When you're skiing a wide, easy blue, ski really fast over the back of the skis of someone who stopped off to the side to talk to his wife. Then skid to a stop and look up at him. When he yells "hey jack@@@ you just skied over my skis" reply "I DID NOT" and then ski really fast to the bottom so I -- oops, I mean he doesn't catch you and beat you to the ground. Definitely do not admit you did it, and god forbid, do not apologize.

When you're boarding straight down a wide, easy green, ride really fast between a guy and his wife who stopped to talk to each other at the side of the trail. Two feet from each other. Did I mention you should do this on a wide, green trail?

(both these things happened my first ever day at JH...within the first couple of hours while were were still finding out way around...fortunately, things got better after that)

Bring your skis into any building, even if the signs say not to. They don't apply to you.

Don't bother learning to ski well on blues before going and slowly snowplowing down some black runs. There's no glory in being a solid intermediate, but if you can get down a black you're an expert. Once your'e an expert you can take your small children down the same runs.
post #109 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by billyymc View Post
I was googling angry greased otters and somehow I ended up here.

So, I'll add a couple.

When you're skiing a wide, easy blue, ski really fast over the back of the skis of someone who stopped off to the side to talk to his wife. Then skid to a stop and look up at him. When he yells "hey jack@@@ you just skied over my skis" reply "I DID NOT" and then ski really fast to the bottom so I -- oops, I mean he doesn't catch you and beat you to the ground. Definitely do not admit you did it, and god forbid, do not apologize.

When you're boarding straight down a wide, easy green, ride really fast between a guy and his wife who stopped to talk to each other at the side of the trail. Two feet from each other. Did I mention you should do this on a wide, green trail?

(both these things happened my first ever day at JH...within the first couple of hours while were were still finding out way around...fortunately, things got better after that)

Bring your skis into any building, even if the signs say not to. They don't apply to you.

Don't bother learning to ski well on blues before going and slowly snowplowing down some black runs. There's no glory in being a solid intermediate, but if you can get down a black you're an expert. Once your'e an expert you can take your small children down the same runs.
Welcome Billy. Good post, I am glad you found Epic, please stick around.
post #110 of 118
to be a true gaper at big sky take all of your friends/family/children (the younger the children the more points earned) to the bowl, stop at the entrance to turkey traverse (block as much of the entrance as possible). Start polling across as slowly as possible only to stop 20 yards into the traverse to regroup, repeat every 20 yards until everyone in the group is at a place they cannot ski well. Procede to "pizza wedge" (bonus points for making sure everyone in the group says this term out loud) in very large Z's across and down the slope making sure to stop in at least 4-5 places on the way down, top it all off by regrouping in front of the triple (for those that dont know the triple has a small opening to the lift line) and blocking those that want to get by.....

...am I obligated to include the comment that the ungroomed snow at big sky would not happen at __________.
post #111 of 118
Thread Starter 
The first time I ever saw a gaper stopped on a traverse talking on his cell phone/radio was on the Turkey traverse at Big Sky. In fact, the first time I heard the term "gaper" was at Big Sky. Ahh, memories...
post #112 of 118
Jeff Foxworthy says.. your a gaper if:

- you start or reply to threads like
Where do you buy goggles?
Chair loading amd off loading techniques
Proper use of ski pole straps
Is skiing dangerous
Traversing 101
What makes you a local
How do you ski powder

Now this stuff is funny.... Talk about gaperville central....it's right here! :wink:
post #113 of 118
We're all just recovering gapers, some more than others

... on this I actually got called a JONG by some Brobrah jibber during US Open week at Stratton for unintentionally blocking him from skiing into the lift line at mach 3. "What?! It wasn't my fault" I exclaimed "I was trying to ski around some even slower JONGs" But it was too late, he was already gone
post #114 of 118
Some basic guidelines for all the gapers who congregate in the terrain park(s):
1. Stand at the top of the park and watch others go over a table. TAKE YOUR TIME!! The decision about whether to take a table or not should take no shorter than 10 minutes.
2. When you go for a table, go very slowly. making wide wedge turns all the way across the run, preventing anyone else from passing.
3. Be sure to fall down before you get to the table. Make sure you get your skis and poles all over the place. And again, take at least 10 minutes to gather all your gear up.
4. Ski down the entire run in a very cautious wedge. making no effort to use any of the features. Be totally oblivious to anyone else around you. If someone gets in your way, yell at them to move about a nanosecond before you hit them.
5. Wear a bright colored hat or pants or jacket (neon pink works very well). If you have to wear a hat, make sure it is the kind with either spikes or very long tassels on it. Make sure people see you.
6. Make about 10-15 runs down the park, using none of the features. Every so often, stop in the middle of the run and watch someone go over a table or a rail. Be sure to comment on how much they suck if they eat it.
7. Inspired by your little terrain park experience, go to another run and find the smallest mound of snow known to man. Go over it. If you don't fall, make sure your gaper friends comment on "how much air he/she got."
If you do fall, get really pissed and complain about everything you can think of. Profanities are a good choice here.

Those are just a few of the gaper guidelines. If anyone has any more, feel free to post them. If you want to correct me in any way, go right ahead. Enjoy!
post #115 of 118
My personal favorite is to snowplow between figures in the park and roll over the top when you get to them. When you get near the end of the park stop in the middle of the landing of a larger jump. Then loudly exclaim how awesome your run was.

Huge bonus points if you're in the blind spot of the larger jump and yell at someone when they hit it, they entered your personal bubble.
post #116 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kid_Canuck View Post
My personal favorite is to snowplow between figures in the park and roll over the top when you get to them. When you get near the end of the park stop in the middle of the landing of a larger jump. Then loudly exclaim how awesome your run was.

Huge bonus points if you're in the blind spot of the larger jump and yell at someone when they hit it, they entered your personal bubble.
I just cannot agree with you here. Gapers are apparently intimidated by the feaures. I see this the most with little kids. The only reason they are in the park to begin with is because it is (apparently) the perfect pitch on which to learn how to ski. A true gaper would not make it to the top of a table. They would get about halfway up the takeoff and then pause for a second before sliding down backwads (either hitting someone on the way up or falling or both). I don't know about you, but it chafes my hide pretty bad.:
post #117 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by doublediamond223 View Post
On a powder day, complain about the lack of groomed terrain, then mention how this would never happen at Vail/Deer Valley.

Get close to people you are taking pictures with by standing on their skis. Be sure to cross your tips so you f-k up your skis as well as theirs. (A friend of mine, unfortunately)



Cover your car with Deer Valley, Beaver Creek, and Marker stickers. Do the same to all of your equipment.

Buy one of the spyder insulator jackets that says US SKI TEAM on the back, then use your Texas Tuck while wearing it.

When someone mentions that they race, or ski in the trees, or something like that, lecture them about how dangerous it is. (Happens to me all the time)

Post 1500....wow.

Instead of skiing or boarding, just sit on your a$$ and stare down the trial.

If you look at the guy in the yellow.

I probably would be called a gaper, but I noticed this guy after ghost brought it up.
post #118 of 118
Thread Starter 
Bump for gaper goodness!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Humour and Fun Stuff