Gaper Etiquette - Page 3

I'll have to take your word for angry greased : otters.

:

Where wud we b without them? I couldn't even exist without traffic jams, overpriced lunches and spoiled student parents. I mean, my god, I'd have to actually climb to get turns!!!!!

don't you mean ex- new girlfriend?

Was the otter angry before or after it became greased?

The heel piece... of the binding... already depressed. Closed down. Fastened. Bound.

The heel piece has to be "open" or "up" to step into. In the case of Gaper Etiquette (TM, ®, patent pending), effort will be made to step into a binding heel piece that is already "closed." "Fastened down." "Depressed."

( Not in the psychiatric sense, mind you. )


Disclaimer: Heretofore distinction should hitherto be made forthwith that the aforementioned would never happen at Deer Valley/Vail.

Wow! Big Sky must have had some hard-core gapers in the early 90's. They would have needed to boot pack up and down Lone Peak.

Big Sky didn't complete the tram until 1995.

then Jer, as a former tech, I'm sure you're aware that some (well, several) makes of bindings need to be in the "down" position before locking the boot in place.

Baja, that is the reason for my confusion. Or, maybe you're just a gaper that doesn't know that?

I am really confused here. What type of bindings are you using? I've been on Marker's, Look's, and Tyrolia's. The heel piece has to be down to step in on all of them. How do you get out of your bindings? I personally push down on the heel piece. I most certainly do not have to put the heel piece up to step back in, which seems to be what you're saying.

My bad.


"Depressed" was a poor choice of words. Kind of like "downhill ski."

"Open" and "closed" are probably the better terms in this instance. (thanks, Jer!)


Does my sloppy nomenclature make me guilty of gaperness?

Good one - got educated on the proper (local) pronunciation on my first trip many years ago - it's Al as in Fat Albert" Although this is counter to every other "Alta" I know like Altavista etc.

I'm virtually positive that it was Pierre who said that.

The other year I saw him give an hysterical demo of this behavior - what a visual!. If there were such a thing as a Rodeo-clown on skis - it would have been Pierre that day!

-Stand in the doorway waiting for people. Refuse to move when bumped and jostled by people coming in and out.

-Stand at the end of the lodge table like the monarch of a small country while everyone gears up and leaves after lunch. Gear up and continue to stand there contemplating going out while other skiers circle like vultures searching for carrion trying to find a place to sit with their lunch.

-Stand in front of the lift in a pile about 15 feet from where everyone exits the lift. Ignore remarks directed at your dumbass.

-Stand so close to the door to the restroom that you get hit when people enter. Look annoyed when you get slammed, but do not move. This would never happen in the gold fauceted restrooms at Deer Valley/Vail!

-Stand in the way after ordering your hot sandwich so that no one else can access any other cooler or easy access cold sanwiches or fruit. Make sure you don't have money ready when you get to the cashier and have to dig through 7 zippered pockets. Forget which way the zippers unzip. Yell for your husband across the lodge because you're short a dollar.

-Stand in front of the ticket window putting tickets on wickets for all 17 of your family members so that no one else can buy a ticket. Drop the paper backing on the ground.

-Stand at the large trailmap billboard in a gaggle of 16 family members looking for the last member because that is your 'meeting place'. Refuse to move aside.

-Stand by your car with the doors open while you gear up so that people next to you can't open their doors. Look annoyed when told 'excuse me'.

-Stand in the lift line corral to wait for your son or daughter who 'should be here by now.' Motion for people to keep squeezing by you. Shade your eyes and look uphill for your little darlings.

-Stand by your skis in the rack and wait for the rest of your 16 family members. Call them over one at a time until there are 10 members standing in between two racks so others can't get to their skis. Ignore requests of "Pardon me", "Excuse me" and continue to stand there.

-Stand in line at the top of the hill women's restroom at Stratton even though it's -5 degrees with a windchill. (this happened to me) Wait in line for 10 minutes. When you finally get in the door, discover that only one stall is working: the other is full of **** (literally). There is a plunger on the floor next to the toilet. Do not plunge the toilet so that both toilets are working. Continue to use only the one that works. Look disgusted at the skier who actually picked up the plunger and gave it 2 good strokes and cleared it out.:

This would never happen in the gold fauceted restrooms at Deer Valley/Vail!

I'd like to know how the otter got greased: . I would bet it would make him angry, though. Maybe grease from the chair lift? (I was LMAO off at the angry greased otter comment!)

Has anyone mentioned this one?.... At a local day resort with one tiny base area, wearing a Jansport backpack while skiing? Got'chr math book in there, buddy?

Wearing a Starter Jacket and blue jeans.
Wearing Carthart Coveralls.
Scraping the moutain into death cookies.
Buying 1 slice of pizza 1 bag of chips 1 brownie and 1 drink and then looking dumbfounded when its $14.
Holding on to the T-Bar when you fall, or better yet falling when trying to ride the T-Bar.
Taking your $5,000 engagement ring on the mountain, then losing it when you take off your glove.

It may well have been Pierre! After reading it originally, I was at line up and quoted it, and it brought the house down. Pierre has a lovely way with words. (I've never even seen an Otter but I know they're long).

last week when I hit the slopes I saw the perfect GAPER! on the run beneath the lift of course.


He wore black acid wash jeans tucked in his ancient rear entry boots, going down an advanced run in a full side to side of trail snowplow form, and the kicker, no hat, no gloves, jacket unzipped so it resembled a cape rippling in the wind behind him. Dumbfounded expersion painted on his face!!!

Then my brother said I looked the very same! :

Nothing like seeing beautiful rust lines in the snow inbetween the ski racks. Better yet, is the sight of one skiing on these former rusty edges. OR being the gaper skiing them,.. hey I've tried it :

Last weekend I was walking into a village restaurant and I had to hold the door open for the man in front of me cause he was taking his ancient skis inside to eat with him. Someone in charge immediately told him to take them outside, and he was first very amazed and then angry. I'm sure he purchase a ski key to lock those straight babies up before having dinner.

-use any other term besides "cocked" when describing a binding prepared to accept a boot.:

no but that's what I am from time to time apres ski ...

Ski across the parking lot...

...on a pair of brand new Head Monster 88s (go figure...has no clues re powder...) and then bitch about the crappy tuning job the shop did.

- Take off skis and walk down a too-difficult hill by taking off the boots and leaving them in the ski bindings...(this actually happened in Summit County some years hence...).

- Put boots on wrong feet, stand up, lock buckles, fall flat on face (also an erstwhile Summit County Special).

- Wear favorite Stetson with earmuffs.

- Wear favorite Stetson with earmuffs and Smith goggles with turbo fan...on a ski deck in Houston...

- Dress in his 'n' hers camo one-piecers...with NRA patch on shoulder...

- Talk to family and friends on Radio Shack Walkie Talkies...while in liftline with family and friends.

- Have a good old, downhome tailgate and barbecue in the parking lot at A-Basin...in a raging blizzard with avalanche plumes coming off the Professor...

- Get stuck driving a Winnebago over Loveland Pass...while towing a Lexus LX SUV...and a trailer with two Bombardier Outlander Max Limited ATVs...and two Bombardier Ski-Doos...and a $5000 Weber barbecue on wheels...

Be sure to:

-Always carry those poles tips side up. (Hold poles near the handles so that the tips point up & swing backwards while you walk. This works great in crowded ticket lines or any other high density area.)

-When entering any building always carry your skis on your shoulder, never upright (skiing is a strenuous cativity, you need to conserver your strength for the hill.)

-Sit down & click into your snowboard right at the entrance to the lift line (act annoyed when people politely say "excuse me")

-Smoke in the lift line (always making sure to discard the butt on the ground & never in a bin)

-Stop dead center in the middle of the run (skiing or boarding is tiring, go ahead take a rest, you've earned it! Extra points for stopping where you can't be seen from above. I know I enjoy a suprise.)

-Never give up an inch of bench space when people are trying to access their locker. (How rude some people can be, asking to use the part of the bench that's by their locker & expecting other people to slide down a bit to the empty section. The nerve!!!)

dont knock the turbo fan goggles. if/when i have the money ill be getting a pair. EVERY pair of goggles ive ever tried fog up, cat crap: no, keeping them on: no, on the forehead: no, on the helmet: no
nothing seems to help. hardcore gaper fan it is

lots of pros I know and have seen use those thing. Dean Cummings, Sage, Jenna Burge, many more people you dont know use those things.....

ahem...we're flirting dangerously close with the bro down:

http://forums.epicski.com/showthread.php?t=49642

Hey Jer I like this one but I have a new suggestion check it out below

Instead of tuning and waxing your skis before storing them for the summer just leave them on your Thule or Yakima roof rack all year long that way people will know your a skier and theyll be really impressed in fact you shouldnt ever take them off the roof rack unless your skiing and if your not skiing the skis should just stay on the roof rack that way everyone knows your a skier.

1. make sure that all your skis are pointed tips forward on a your roof rack.

2. As a smart and intelligent gaper you know that modern ski pants have a built in "liner" to keep snow out. There for must stuff it, along with every sort of hook or button for attatching it to your boots, into the the cuff of your boot and buckle alll the way across.