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One Skis, the other one Dosen't

post #1 of 31
Thread Starter 
This topic has been appearing in different threads, and I thought it would be interesting to explore it.
How many of you are in relationships where your partner also skis? How many are not? What about partners with different skiing abilities? If your partner was a former non skier, how did you convince them to try it?
In choosing a person for a relationship, is it important that they ski?
This season, on a few weekends when Mark was working, I attended some of the Boston Ski and Sports Club ski trips. One of the best kept secrets about the BSSC, is that some of the most well educated, intelligent, and, {as Mark was dismayed to discover when he picked me up at the bus stop }attractive men in the Boston area are members. Being one of the few married woman on the trip, I naturally fell into the role of "Counselor Troy".
Many of the guys were bemoaning the fact that there are woman who join the club, participate in the summer activities, and will possibly meet someone that they like. But if they find out the guy is a skier, they will end the relationship, because the guy will "be away every weekend in the winter."
Thoughts?

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Be Braver in your body, or your luck will leave you. DH Lawrence
post #2 of 31
Does "Counselor Troy" have anything to do with Helen of Troy? If so they're in trouble.
Is there some sort of form we can fill out to answer these questions?
How about "former partner" was skier (sort of)
Well she could have been quite good but knee problems and other weekend obligations took over.

How about this for personal ad line?:
"Well, Big hair's o.k. as long as your gettin' big air!"
Or some sustitutions in ads:

Let's replace the "likes to go for long walks" with "Loves to rip long turns at high speed"
or "likes quiet times together" with "Will get up at ridiculous hour and drive many miles for fresh powder"
or "enjoys long walks on the beach" with "love skiing fast in the cold air with tears pouring out my eyes"
"enjoys snuggling" with "like skiing till lifts close,apres ski,hot tub, and romantic fires"
"like trying new things" replaced with "will try skiing moguls, steeps, gates, but really love powder"
"enjoy travelling" should be "love travelling especially if there's skiing nearby"

Here's a little problem: I show up to pick up my date we get in the car. She says, "Hey you've got skis in here"
"Oh yes, just got them, they'll be coming with us"
"You mean in the car right?.."
"Well yeah...but also into the restaurant"
"What?!!"
"Yeah, I just got 'em and I've got to look at them. Besides, there only 168's and there's no bindings on em. I'd never take the 193's in, I've got class."
"Well...I can't believe your taking your skis into the restaurant to look at them. Don't you want to look at me? Aren't I enough?"
"Oh...sure..sure..[Houston, we have a problem!]...Uh.. Is there anything wrong with the three of you being there?"
"AArrgghh!! You've got a problem! You're sick!"
"Allright, I'll leave them outside the coatcheck where I can see them from a distance"
"I think you better take me home!"
"Allright...Let's stop at the ski shop on the way..."

______________________________________
I better get out of here...got to go to dinner..."Hey I'm bringing my new boots o.k.?...No! They're blue!..."
post #3 of 31
This sounds like a club I wish I could join...hmm...job hunt post doc?

xxL
post #4 of 31
Thread Starter 
Actually, I was going to suggest this to you awhile ago, but it seemed insane to tell you to get to Boston {Newton, actually} by 5:30 on Friday, to travel another few hours by bus. But if you get some time off, its well worth it.

Tog, Mark informed me that I spelled Troy incorrectly, its Troi. How the heck do these trekkies know how to Spell the names of the characters? Thats another thing I picked up after marriage: Star Trek. Although I absolutely draw the line at Voyager, a total piece of garbage.

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Be Braver in your body, or your luck will leave you. DH Lawrence
post #5 of 31
yeah and it's Troi I think.

Newton. I know where that is. It's the place that Fig Newtons are name after.

My wife grew up in Newton and her family is still there so that's where we stay when we go back east.. <FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by dchan (edited June 02, 2001).]</FONT>
post #6 of 31
I think anyone can learn to ski if they can stand some of the more decent days, weather wise, know how to walk, and can stand on one foot.

What is needed is a directory of different levels of ski runs, serviced by the same lift. Any meaningful conservation usually takes place on the lift, not while you are trying to execute turns on the slopes.

A non-skier, positively absolutely non skier, well there are towns like Aspen, Breckenridge, Steamboat Springs. For example Aspen has great shopping and restaurants, but has anyone ever visited their library ? It is first rate, has computers that you can use to access the internet, and is great place just to read. A little off the beaten path, but it is another choice rather than maxing out the credit card.

So I guess, the key is to find a place you both can have something to do in. Banff is another choice, etc. As to the every weekend skier, well that becomes more of a challenge. Perhaps crosscountry skiing is an alternative activity, it can be done on the more user friendly and widely available shorter skis, and while separated during the day, there are always the nights.<FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by wink (edited June 03, 2001).]</FONT><FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by wink (edited June 04, 2001).]</FONT>
post #7 of 31
Trekkies can learn spelling from TV Guide or TV Guide Channel, for one. Also, the Star Trek series spawned a lot of successful mass mark and tpb books of various types (one was a Klingon dictionary), most successfully a series of novels with a number of the casts. These all are published by my former employer, Pocket Books/Simon & Schuster. Then there's posters, action figures, et al.

xxL

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Dante non ha mai immaginato questo cerchio dell'inferno!
post #8 of 31
Lisakaz:

OK, now I don't feel so guilty about having bought a number of Trek books! If you were involved with them, then it can't be a totally anti-intellectual pursuit.

(Well maybe the Voyager books are, since that entire series was stupid, but I never wasted any money on those...)

As to Lisa's "Counselor Troy" (sic),

"One is a trekker, the other isn't"
post #9 of 31
Returning to on-topic...

Without getting into all the juicy private details, let me state I was married once before I met the ever-charming Lisamarie (aka not-Betty-Crocker). Neither spousal prospect skied at the time we were dating or when first married.

Here's my thing: I never needed to be dating/married to a skier. I just wanted whomever I was going to be with to accept my skiing.

Now I'm not a all-winter-long ski-bum, never had a season ticket, until about 2 years ago never skied enough per year to even consider a season pass. Last few years I've gotten up to 15-24 days per year, but in those days it was more like 4-6 days.

The key thing was that my partner either be willing to accompany me on the occasional ski trip even if she weren't skiing, or be ok with my being away a few weekends during the winter.

Lisa was ok with it, and even set us up on a few ski trips through her health clubs, including our rather disaterous early trip to Killington in the early 90's where Lisa first attempted to learn to ski. Even though she hated skiing (believe it or not) she was happy to go with me, and encouraged me to do so. When I got back into it to a significant degree a few years ago, she had no objection to my setting up a trip to Whistler for myself. Instead, she even tried again to learn, became a successful Perfect Turn "graduate", and joined me for part of the Whistler trip too.

Unfortunately, my previous wife didn't share that concept. Not slamming her; she's a great person in many ways, a well-respected professional in her field, and a super mom. But she apparently believed that members of a couple should share the exact same interests, or the relationship wouldn't succeed. That didn't work out for us because we didn't share the exact same interests, even though we shared quite a few; for example, she would never incorrectly spell a Star Trek character's name!

I guess what I'm saying is that a couple can survive, and even thrive, on some dissimilar interests, as long as they can give each other enough space, trust, and respect to let the other follow her/his passions. Whether those passions be skiing, SF, theatre, travel, chorus, mountain-biking, surfing, whatever.

Obviously, sharing is nice, and conversely, if you don't share anything, you'll probably be apart too much (physically and psychologically). But there needs to be room to have the separate interests. From that perspective, a skier/non-skier relationship can work, I believe.<FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by MarkXS (edited June 03, 2001).]</FONT>
post #10 of 31
Dear Mark, I've been married to the same wonderful woman for 46 years and we have
lived three lives all these years, hers, mine and ours in almost equal parts, we sail together,
ski together or apart, depending on our individual schedules and commitments, (of which I
try to have as few as I can ) and travel together or separate, depending on the occasion
or event.

She skips my model railroad conventions, most of my professional photography events,
except when I have an exhibit, my luncheon with my retirees group from the paper and my
RC glider club, and I don't go to her class she teaches in art occasionally (photo
restoration) the luncheons with her groups, etc,.

AND WE NEVER, NEVER GO SHOPPING TOGETHER, even if we have to go to the
same store, we go at different times because I don't believe you can shop by committee.

So what made our marriage last happily for all those years? Don't get into each other's hair too much

...Ott
post #11 of 31
Ott, got any train pics?
post #12 of 31
Miles, I'd love to show you pictures of my layout, it's been in a magazine, but I have nowhere yet to host them, I'm working on my own web site, it will have pictures of all my hobbies and activities, but the real reason is that I have thousands of pictures of people and events which I took over the 35 years as a photojournalist and I'm about to get rid of them, but instead of burning them, I will put 25 new ones on my web site every two weeks and if anyone recognizes themselves or a friend, I will give them the original for free. A columnist on my paper is going to do a column about it and I have promises from several news web sites that they will link to it...

Maybe then I can also link some skiing pictures to here...

..Ott
post #13 of 31
What Mark and Ott said.
post #14 of 31
Ott,
one of the things that make a marrige work is the ability to share (sounds like you have done a wonderful job of this) diverse interests. Bringing them to the relationship gives each member some uniqueness that should be cherished and still allows for sharing of experiences. Also some common ground allows for time spent together.

I sure hope that in 35 more years I can say the same about my marrige..
post #15 of 31
LisaMarie, As I have said before my husband is an avid skier. We have been married for 6 years living together a total of 11. Yes it took us awhile. We both skied before we met. He was and is a much better skier than I am. He was patient and now I can go most places with him. No one I would rather ski with. We are also both Scuba Divers. When I met him he was just starting and I was re-starting. No better dive buddy than someone who loves you. I so believe that having common passions is the key to having fun together, Having fun makes for a great marriage!

Until this past year I had to travel a lot for work so we always spent free time together. The only thing that he likes that I am not interested is Golf. Because of the time it takes to play he does not play that often, but never on the weekends when we might be skiing, hiking, biking, whatever!

Another one of our "rules" is dinnertime. NO TV NO Phone Calls. This is Our Time to talk to one another. This evolved due to busy work schedules. Sometimes that 30-min was the only time we spent together. When I was travelling so much he sometimes had to meet me at the airport for dinner.

After all this time I can say that I love him more and its still fresh!
post #16 of 31
My wife doesn't ski, but I've got our 13-year old son hooked. So, here's how it works out: Dad and son go skiing for the day and have a great time and do 'bonding' and everything. Mom gets to stay home by herself and enjoy peace and quiet and privacy for a day. It's a pretty satisfactory arrangement.

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BE the skis!
post #17 of 31
Well I'll tell you something that doesn't work too well. That's when one person goes off for the weekend week after week. I did that for close to two season's when other obligations and injury kept my girlfriend from coming. I don't think it did the relationship much good though maybe it just prolonged an inevitable breakup.
post #18 of 31
I am a firm believer that a man that can't understand my passion (obsession?) with skiing and can't share in it with me (ie:will not even try to ski) could never truly understand me. My ex-boyfriend was not a skier and could not understand, after 2 years, how I could get so worked up about a sport. I would have countdowns on the wall and tick the days off from the day I made the ski trip reservations til the day I left and then talk about every aspect of the trip for weeks upon returning. He never wanted to join me since he wasn't a skier and thought it would be a waste of money to go and hangout while I skied all day. (Of course that was when i lived back east and was 12 hours from the closest skiing by car)

Now I live 3 hours from skiing and went every other weekend this past season. If a man didn't want to join me, he simply would not see much of me. There are many compromises when you are in a relationship, but any man that's going to want to hang in there for the long haul, is going to have to ski or board (or at least give it a good try)

I can't imagine how I could spend the rest of my life with someone who couldn't (or wouldn't) share in something I am so head-over-heels for.

...one woman's opinion.
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Deep yogic breaths...
~Minker <FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by SkiMinker (edited June 04, 2001).]</FONT>
post #19 of 31
Prior to commitment...... no, not that kind of commitment......... the marital kind, Judy and I spent weekends on the road staying in the cheapest ski dorms; absolutley no frills (or hot water) kinda places.

After a week canoeing on the Allagash in April with snow still on the ground, I figured........... OK ..... this one may be OK.

The person I would live with would have to understand what made me tick.
post #20 of 31
Exactly.
post #21 of 31
Thread Starter 
Gonzo, Funny! I was just to lazy to type out husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend.
But maybe I've been teaching in Cambridge for too long. The word "partner" there has a somewhat, well, interesting conotation.

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Be Braver in your body, or your luck will leave you. DH Lawrence
post #22 of 31
I struck it lucky that when I introduced my husband to skiing he loved it - I had to leave him to it on his own for a while though. We now ski at the same level and like the same sort of runs, and he is my favourite ski buddy. Overseas ski trips are only possible when both are you are keen. No arguments in our house about what the money gets spent on!
post #23 of 31
Thread Starter 
I thought Rob might find this thread helpful. One of the great things about thus forum is that you can "dig up" history!
post #24 of 31
Ott, do you know Ed Bernstein?
post #25 of 31
I was fortunate to meet my wife on a ski hill 6 years ago. We were both members of ski clubs for singles, albeit different ones. Her ex did not ski - she had been a skier from childhood, usually taking at least one family ski week a year. I started skiing later in life at 32, six years before I met my wife. A year later we got engaged on the chair lift at the ski hill where we met and she is my skiing companion since we are of similar abilities. I really missed here a couple of year ago when she tore her ACL during a powder class and I had about six weeks of skiing without her. Her 11-year old daughter, S, also enjoys skiing with us. This year the challenge will be to convince S to try shaped skis. She doesn't like change but has great balance. One of my favorite days skiing was last year when as a family we took off on Monday and skied Tahoe in April a few days after fresh snow. S had never skied over 17,000 vertical feet in one day and wanted to go over 20,000. We made over 28,000. That was the day I wanted in my memory for the off-season, so that was the last and best day of the season!
post #26 of 31
The Jesse E. Lyman downhill race at Mt. Cranmore, NH is named in memory after my girlfriend's father, who passed away about 14 years ago. His son, my girl's brother, is a patroller there.

She is from a skiing family, but may have been over-exposed. Today, she will not ski. She dislikes the cold and fears injury, which could stifle her equestrian aspirations. She was forced to ski often as a child, and she has no desire to get back out there. So, I do not ski with my girlfriend, but I am always looking for a new way to get her skiing again. Perhaps if I could teach her horse to ski . . . . <FONT size="1">

[This message has been edited by Jaws (edited August 24, 2001).]</FONT>
post #27 of 31
My story...

Been skiing for 30 of my 34 years. Always thought, no, knew I'd marry a woman who would be as interested as I was in the sport.....

Hmmn, must have been asleep at the wheel because as I fell head over heels in love with my wife 9 years ago It slipped my mind to check if she was a skier....I remember I asked her about 3 months into the relationship, (we met in the early spring at the beach) if she was a skier, her reply, yup, skied all of my life.... Check, and I went on... So fall rolls around, and I start talking about skiing, and I find it odd that she doesn't have any ski gear.... I'm in love so I'm not really suspicious, she's moved alot, just left it behind? So I dilligently take her to my favorite annual swap sale, and outfit her head to toe in equipment, done...... So it comes time to go skiing, we head to the Mt., it's not a pretty day, gray skies, threat of rain, I'm thinking alright, no crowd, soft snow, good day.... Hey, I ski in the East, okay? She's miserable...

We sit down upstairs in the lodge. Hmmn, she's having trouble putting her boots on.... So I help, all of the sudden thinking I may have made a grave error here... Then, she can barely make it down the stairs in ski boots.... Uh oh.... So I ask, umm, you did say you had been a skier all your life, seems you're having a little trouble here.... She responds, oh, I meant cross country, maybe once twice a year.... Oh, sh*t...... So as you can imagine, it was a long day, and I learned over the next couple years what the word patience is all about... It was too late, did I mention I was already in love?

That was a while ago, we've had some great days every year. She's come a long way, but she will never share my fanatical passion to ski in any weather, or all conditions. She loves a nice clear warm day, wide open groomed slopes. She loves skiing the west, big dramatic Mt's, soft snow and warm sun...Give me a gnarly Vermont day in Pea soup and I'm in heaven...( I'm weird like that)

So I do not ski as much as I used to, we have a 2 year old daughter, another on the way in Jan. I make it clear that I need a couple weekends a year to ski. We ski a couple days a year together, and I hang with her, relax and have alot of fun. When I get away and ski on my own, I get my fill. Do I miss being able to ski every weekend or every day? Of course. But would I trade it? Not on your life.

I hope my children share my passion, that's my only chance....heh heh heh....
post #28 of 31
Thanks for refreshing this thread LisaMarie.

Many good tips to keep in mind. I don't think I'll be spending as much time finding a gf as I'll spend planning and taking ski trips.

Rob
post #29 of 31
>>>Ott, do you know Ed Bernstein?<<<

I don't recall, Lucky, should I know him?

...Ott
post #30 of 31
My relationship with my wife is a bit like Pierre Eh's. I'm very active and love to be outdoors. My wife is more sedentary but is very willing to accomodate me. I would ski for every vacation if possible. She likes to take the one, max 2, ski trips a year but would probably prefer the beach. We are at very different skiing levels as well. I'm about a Level 7-8 and she's a solid 4. I am so much more passionate about skiing than she is that she has to quell her enthusiasm because she knows if she's really excited it'll psyche me up all the more. (I have to take a sleeping pill on the first night of every ski trip or I'll stay up all night due to my excitement to ski.)

The solution we've been extremely fortunate to have for our entire (5+ years) of marriage is our friends. We have a group of very close friends whom we hung out with in college and then we all got married to one another. We now often vacation and ski together. All us guys are pretty similar in our interests and athletic abilities and the gals share the same with each other. Amazingly, all the guys are between 7-9 levels skiers and all the gals are right around level 4. So, we usually try to take the first few runs and the last 1-2 runs of the day together and maybe meet for lunch for the guys who don't pack Powerbars to eat on the lifts. Otherwise, the guys and gals ski separately and we share stories at the end of the day during apres. This past winter the guys took a guys only ski trip. The gals have yet to take a girls only trip but say they're going to some cushy spa or bed and breakfast somewhere sometime. The system works out great.

The real key to our relationship, though is communication. Although we don't share the exact same recreational interests we do talk all the time about pretty much everything. I think in a relationship/marriage if you have exact similar interests with your partner/spouse you've been extremely blessed. You've basically found yourself, but in the opposite gender. While it's important to have some similar interests, that's only part of a relationship. I think it's important to find someone who you can connect with on a personal, emotional, spirital and physical level. Similar interests are just part of the personal portion of the entire relationship. You have to look at the entire package. Sure you may have to make some sacrifices, but every relationship requires these. If you're unwilling to sacrifice, your not ready to be in a serious relationship.

So, sometimes I go to the beach and most of the time we go skiing! There's the long answer to a short question. Sorry it got so deep, involved and heavy.

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Talk less, ski more.
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