EpicSki › The Barking Bear Forums › On the Snow (Skiing Forums) › General Skiing Discussion › How to properly answer the call of nature in the trees
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

How to properly answer the call of nature in the trees

post #1 of 76
12/20/06 at 9:53am
Thread Starter 
OK, folks I would like to bestow a very special Christmas present to the whole gang. I recently encountered the need to answer the call of nature the woods and learned a valuable lesson on the correct way to "relieve yourself" in the trees.

Find a good out of the way location that is out of the immediate line of site.

scope a location that will allow a stable platform and very importantly, an easy out.

if in powder, DO NOT remove your skis, this could be a big problem, much bigger than the one you came into solve.

For novices, carefully stow gloves so they are not in the "line of fire" yet available for quick access- If advanced, just be sure your out of the way...

If windy, do not face into the wind

If extremely cold, plan your actions ahead of time, remember that skin can freeze quickly in extreme cold. Keep in mind the words of George Castanza, "it shrinks like a scared turtle" in the cold. "Shrinkage" could be another embarassing problem.

In powder, make sure you position your skis in an inverted wedge, this will prevent accidental contact with your boards when buried under the snow.

Make sure you shake that extra time, remember moisture in the cold is your enemy!

Make a quick exit and do not sign your name!

Merry Christmas to all!

Ron
Reply
post #2 of 76
12/20/06 at 2:42pm
I usually plant my poles so that they're not going to fall, and place my gloves over the top of the grips.

I hate to be vulgar, but my biggest suggestion is to "Shake, shake, shake!" when you're done. Nothing's more uncomfortable than 'drippage' inside of your pants when it's cold out because you rushed you get yourself zipped up. At least thats what I've heard. I really don't know from personal experience! lol.
Reply
post #3 of 76
12/20/06 at 2:51pm
errrrrrrrrrrrrrr ... Finndog ... :

Was this for going ..... #1

or ..

Going ...... #2
Reply
post #4 of 76
12/20/06 at 2:53pm
Any other little Mr. Nature and Call of the Wild tips you care to share now that you are in "Hints from Heloise" mode ????
Reply
post #5 of 76
12/20/06 at 2:54pm
I think this should be in "Technique & Instruction" forum ..

mods can you move this ???
Reply
post #6 of 76
12/20/06 at 3:00pm
This is one strange post, it is indeed ....
Reply
post #7 of 76
12/20/06 at 3:02pm
1. Where is the female version?

B. At this point this thread is FINE without pictures.
Start Haus Insider

Bringing World Cup caliber ski equipment and service to all skiers - from pro ski racers to everyday all mountain skiers and into the...

» Get the latest news and updates at the Start Haus sponsor page.
Reply
post #8 of 76
12/20/06 at 3:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Finndog View Post
...If windy, do not face into the wind
Please explain this.: I don't understand. My goggles normally protect the majority of my face in windy conditions. Thanks.
Reply
post #9 of 76
12/20/06 at 4:14pm
Ahhhh so that's what off-piste Tree skiing means.
Reply
post #10 of 76
12/20/06 at 4:19pm


For details click here.
Reply
post #11 of 76
12/20/06 at 4:29pm
I'm very tempted to move this thread to the Technique and Instruction Forum.

Good call Yuki
Reply
post #12 of 76
12/20/06 at 5:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Finndog View Post
Make sure you shake that extra time, remember moisture in the cold is your enemy!
I wouldn't be so quick with that extra shake; I seem to remember a thread somewhere about a pro-skier who got into a little trouble with that extra shake. Can't recall where, but here's an article.
http://eurosport.co.uk/alpineskiing/...o1035730.shtml
Reply
post #13 of 76
12/20/06 at 7:25pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yuki View Post
errrrrrrrrrrrrrr ... Finndog ... :

Was this for going ..... #1

or ..

Going ...... #2

could do what a kid i was skiing last spring with did.
Trop trou on the lift and poo off the chair. One of the sickest yet funniest things ive ever seen. only problem is he had to sacrafice a pair of boxers
Reply
post #14 of 76
12/20/06 at 8:13pm
madmanmlh ..... Do we wanna know the details .... keeeeerist ..


Memo to file:

When ridin the chair and the guy next to you unzips and says ... "can ya' hold my poles? .. " be sure to make sure which ones!

and

Remember, when skiing or fishing you can hold your pole, but you need a note to hold a friends pole.

Reply
post #15 of 76
12/21/06 at 4:29am
Be careful when you re-zip!
Reply
post #16 of 76
12/21/06 at 5:30am
And then there's the "shrinkage factor" to consider.

And do you leave your gloves on or take them off?

That may lead to a dropped glove or worse, a wet glove
Reply
post #17 of 76
12/21/06 at 7:15am
"Those are not your gloves, those are my gloves"

"No, those are my gloves ... : "
Reply
post #18 of 76
12/21/06 at 7:28am
I never have a problem with my gloves.
It's the stupid draw cord on my jacket that gets in the way!!
I hate it when that happens.
Reply
post #19 of 76
12/21/06 at 7:32am
hmmm--I need instruction in a lot of things...but this one I've got covered.

If my memory serves me correct, Maddog has a pretty funny story involving his wife, related to this topic.
Reply
post #20 of 76
12/21/06 at 7:43am
2 sailors relieving themselves over the leeward rail.

"Water sure is cold"

"Yep, and deep too."
Reply
post #21 of 76
12/21/06 at 7:44am
Quickly
Quietly
Effectively
even Joyfully

but above all else stay dry and DO not ,repeat Do not "script "your name in the snow as the rascal shakes
Reply
post #22 of 76
12/21/06 at 7:46am
One of the greatest joys in life is peeing on the continental divide.

A little for Texas, a little for California.
Reply
post #23 of 76
12/21/06 at 7:50am
Tief I totally agree and almost forgot


Yuki check out Jan 07 issue SKIING mag p26 for article entitled "Graphic Carnage -----a real defecation story" LMAO
Reply
post #24 of 76
12/21/06 at 8:19am
Quote:
Originally Posted by tief schnee View Post
One of the greatest joys in life is peeing on the continental divide.

A little for Texas, a little for California.
And if you're an official member of the Brotherhood of Skiers, I have been told that you could give a little for the Coastal Range, and a little for the Adirondacks as well.

I'm only sayin' what I heard.
Reply
post #25 of 76
12/21/06 at 11:48am
Thread Starter 
Thanks for all the responses! I actually was going to post over in technique but they get a bit serious over there so I don't didn't need a "pissing match" over the post!

here is a female addition as added by MidWif from Realskier who I skied with at the Beav along with Michael Barrett last week.

MidWif
"The instructions, while excellent for the male of the species, are not accurate for the female.

Women need to use the usual wedge position while doing the squat and holding all pantwear out of the way.

Wind direction assessed for this variant as well. Facing into wind probably best.

Shaking of no use: an extra tissue in pocket is best to prevent "that clammy feeling"

All other excellent suggestions are applicable to both sexes!


I actually ended up peeing on my ski and had a frozen clump upon sking out of the trees and powder. We laughed so hard; thank God i just peed.
Reply
post #26 of 76
12/21/06 at 11:55am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jgb View Post
I usually plant my poles so that they're not going to fall, and place my gloves over the top of the grips.

I hate to be vulgar, but my biggest suggestion is to "Shake, shake, shake!" when you're done. Nothing's more uncomfortable than 'drippage' inside of your pants when it's cold out because you rushed you get yourself zipped up. At least thats what I've heard. I really don't know from personal experience! lol.
The poles! that's a good point and has been noted. Please adopt this suggestion for pole placement and optional glove placement.

Shaking and moisture has been addressed in the original guide. :
Reply
post #27 of 76
12/21/06 at 12:10pm
Watch out for tree wells.
Reply
post #28 of 76
12/21/06 at 12:19pm
I just roll up my ski pant leg, and untuck it from my ski boot...
Reply
post #29 of 76
12/21/06 at 12:24pm
Thread Starter 
Fox, that was classic! I must say though that if you can tuck in to your boot without effecting the fit.......
Reply
post #30 of 76
12/21/06 at 12:26pm
heat moulded to fit! (these Kryptons are good boots...)
Reply
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: General Skiing Discussion
EpicSki › The Barking Bear Forums › On the Snow (Skiing Forums) › General Skiing Discussion › How to properly answer the call of nature in the trees