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The Real Man test

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 
Note: All "real men" answer "C" to all of these questions. Knowing this,
women will have come far in understanding men and enriching their own lives
if they carefully review the "C" answers.

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are
the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they
present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable
of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping
out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence
all over the entire Earth.

You decide to:

A. Present it to the President of the United States.

B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.

C. Take it apart.



2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss
the most?

A. Innocence.

B. Idealism.

C. Cherry bombs.



3. When is it okay to kiss another male?

A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for
narrow-minded social conventions.

B. When he is the Pope. (Not on the lips.)

C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really
sportsman-like way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to
have him killed.



4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:

A. A cat.

B. A dog.

C. A dog that eats cats.



5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and
intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday
afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a football
game; she's reading the papers when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky,
tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no longer bear
the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says
she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe
that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?

A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't
want to rush it.

B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you can not honestly
say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you
don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.

C. That you cannot believe the Broncos called a draw play on third and
seventeen.



6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to
spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the
world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?

A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.

B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and
when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing through her hair and the
stars in her eyes, you tell her.

C. Tell her what?



7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get
your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:

A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"

B. "They're in school already?"

C. "There are three of them?"




8. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?

A. Democracy.

B. Religion.

C. Remote control




9. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact
that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they
finally got to the Promised Land?

A. He was being tested.

B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally
got there.

C. He refused to ask for directions.



10. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?

A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so
large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your
legs.

B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to
be handled with tweezers.

C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the
garbage regularly in case somebody, and we are not naming names, but this
would be his wife is quietly trying to discard his underwear (which she is
frankly jealous of because the guy seems to have a more intimate
relationship with it than with her).
post #2 of 29
.......... er .... yeah Bonnie ...... er .... whatever. Anything good in the fridge?

post #3 of 29
Thread Starter 
No Soup for you!
post #4 of 29
Bonni hand me another beer.What's for dinner? What was the point of your post? The car not running well ? I'll get to it after the game is over.

The beer? Bonni ,the beer dammit.
Hey could you please not stand in front of the t.v. when you bring those beers ? Did I ask what's for dinner?
post #5 of 29
Not to nitpick, but a Real Man will never pick C for question 9. A man does not need directions, thus the lack of directions could not have been the reason for Moses taking so long. Answers A and B are acceptable, as they indicate a "No Pain, No Gain" mentality to marching around for forty years.

Written by a woman, I'd wager.
post #6 of 29
Sure, the test is easy when you have the answers.
post #7 of 29
Thread Starter 
HEY GARRYZ......



COMING Right Up!!!!
post #8 of 29
Gracias.Chicks with beers always get their way.
post #9 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by LordHedgie View Post
Written by a woman, I'd wager.
Bingo!
post #10 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by LordHedgie View Post
Not to nitpick, but a Real Man will never pick C for question 9. A man does not need directions, thus the lack of directions could not have been the reason for Moses taking so long. Answers A and B are acceptable, as they indicate a "No Pain, No Gain" mentality to marching around for forty years.

Written by a woman, I'd wager.
The alternate guy answer to number 9 is:
D) He didn't have a cool GPS gadget like his best buddy just got.
post #11 of 29
Another answer to #9:

He was taking directions from his girlfriend/wife.
post #12 of 29
Thread Starter 
Another answer to #9:

Quiet! It's hard to drink and drive (camels)!
post #13 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colossus178 View Post
Another answer to #9:

He was taking directions from his girlfriend/wife.
Men most often take directions from a woman only if they are hopelessly lost and wouldn't listen sooner.
Or they might disregard the womans view and ask some other guy for directions . I think it is funny when this occurs. Better to take good advice and not trip over your manly ego.
Women got skiils and you are smart to consider their opinions. If nothing else it can save you some gas and frustration.
post #14 of 29

Real Man Quiz

BONNIE, I'd like to tell you my inner, deep feelings regarding the test and its deep seated genetic code - BUT - you'll have to wait for half time!
post #15 of 29
Thread Starter 
Do it now, I just called the power company and had them disconnect ya!

GarryZ, you forgot the best reason to listen to the wife/gf/so........to avoid getting Ragged On.
post #16 of 29
Mrs. Yuki is constantly reminding me to put on hearing protection when ...

I am shooting

Using the chain saw

Running the chipper

I never do. Any guess as to why I don't .. ????? :
post #17 of 29
How does that other test question go???

Oh yeah, The dog is barking at the back door and your wife is hollering at the front door. Which do you let in first???


The dog, after he gets in he will be quiet. /ducking\
post #18 of 29
Another answer to number 9.

Not all who wander are lost.
post #19 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by GarryZ View Post
Bonni hand me another beer.What's for dinner? What was the point of your post? The car not running well ? I'll get to it after the game is over.

The beer? Bonni ,the beer dammit.
Hey could you please not stand in front of the t.v. when you bring those beers ? Did I ask what's for dinner?
This just in. Woman shots man over warm beer. Do you want to revise this? http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/new...B?OpenDocument
post #20 of 29
Obviously , Pierre ,it would seem the serving should be done by those with the experience and understanding of how this important job should be properly done
See what can happen when a man tries to do a womans job and fails miserably.
The truth is often stranger than fiction.
post #21 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bonni View Post
Do it now, I just called the power company and had them disconnect ya!

GarryZ, you forgot the best reason to listen to the wife/gf/so........to avoid getting Ragged On.
Oh ,that's not a worry we men have a built in filter for that .
You can tell it is working properly when he says 'yes dear' and continues what ever he was doing.
post #22 of 29
Thread Starter 
If a man is in the woods talking, does a woman hear it?

What?
post #23 of 29
If a man was talking in the woods, and there was no woman there to hear him, would he still be wrong?
post #24 of 29
Thread Starter 
Wrong, like how wrong this guy is? (not for the kiddies!)
http://myspace-256.vo.llnwd.net/0070...02721256_m.jpg
post #25 of 29
IIRC, the O.P. is from "Dave Barry's Guide to Guys". Mind you, he's talking about "guys", not "real men". There are subtle differences, such as the difference between playing and watching pro football.

Years ago there was a book called "Real Men Don't Eat Quiche". It categorized various famous men as either real men or quiche-eaters. It was followed by "Real Women Don't Pump Gas", in which Jane Fonda was accused of being a gas-pumper.
post #26 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bonni View Post
If a man is in the woods talking, does a woman hear it?

What?
If a man was in the woods alone, he wouldn't be talking.......
post #27 of 29

if a man is in his house talking

does a woman hear it? but if he farts............................
post #28 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by icanseeformiles(andmiles) View Post
If a man was in the woods alone, he wouldn't be talking.......
Skier_j would be talking a blue streak just like he does at home:

"Now where is that damned map? I had it a minute ago."

"The compass must be broken. That's not North.........is it? Where's the sun? Friggin clouds."

"I hope that wasn't poison ivy."

"It's getting dark. It has to be Beer:Thirty somewhere. Where's the cooler? Where's the camp? Gastarastafratarax........"

post #29 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by duke walker View Post
does a woman hear it? but if he farts............................
In my house, the ears ignore the man talking to himself, but the nose says DEFCON 5!!!!!
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