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Thread Starter 
For those of you unlucky enough not to be able to select your ideal Instructor, here are a few recommendations.. [img]graemlins/evilgrin.gif[/img]
Believes in teaching skiing by numbers, putting you through endless, agonising knee-jerk exercises, playing silly games (like jumbling up everybody's skis in a pile and getting you to fetch them), and generally getting you to do things that are even more difficult than skiing. "Now I want you to jump from big toe to big toe holding your sticks in the air." This will provide light relief for other classes who will enjoy watching him putting you through your paces..
Knows that the ego of a recreational skier is a fragile thing and that you'll think the more of his instruction if he can persuade you that you are better than you really are: "You certainly wear your skis well." Even when you manage to just stay upright after a nasty bump, arms akimbo and one leg in the air, he'll offer something like: "Nice piece of recovery skiing that."
Has discovered that the best way to boost his class's ego(and the class's faith in his teaching ability) is to spend a good deal of time gloating at even worse classes - or perhaps better classes just when they are attempting to ski a steep black run. Your class can then stand and watch them all wipe out, and then ski off down an easier route, noses in the air..
Makes no attempt to conceal his belief (probably well-founded) that most of you in his class are probably never going to make it: 'You may get the hang of it - in about ten years time.' (Ha! Ha!)
Picks out one or two favourites in the class on the first day - often including the most attractive female - and devotes all his attention to them. They are the ones that get to ski behind him all the time, go up on the lift with him and recieve the benefit of most of his advice.
Often an old timer with a paunch and a big red nose, who believes it's important to 'bend ze elbow' as much as to 'bend ze knees'. Much of your time, therefore, will be spent adjourning to hostelries near the slopes and sitting around to 'discuss your problems'. On the slope too, he'll probably be able to supply the class with some fortifying firewater and other goodies from his well-worn backpack - just to help you 'relax'. So if you ensure that you too always have a couple of hip flasks to pass around, you'll probably find yourself top of his class.. [img]graemlins/evilgrin.gif[/img] : [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]