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lyrics of the first annual academy roast

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 
Hi Gang,

First I need to acknowledge that, although it was my idea, I couldn't have done justice to the participants (pro's and students) without the Fox's intense wit, fast thinking and support. Randy (ydnar) was incredible back up music and with no proper tuning on our guitars (even though we did that before leaving the hotel) this moment will leave a perminent impression.

The show started with a little self-immolation on my part as I proceded to strum the wrong out of tune chord and the first note out of my mouth was off by a fourth (musical term for WRONG!). Thusly, setting the stage for 15 of the most hysterical minutes that I experienced this week ... and there were plenty. A grand time was had by all.

Thank you BOB BARNES, NOLO, TOM BURCH, DWIGHT, AND BENNETT for one of the most memorable and important weeks of my life. What an incredible and austere beginning.

Below are the lyrics of the FIRST EPICSKI ACADEMY ROAST. As you read them: in parantheses is the song that I and WTFH distorted and the person(s) to which this verse is attributed. Below the parantheses is the lyric.

1 - There is a word in the "Born To Be Wild" verse that we've spelled CHGHGH. It represents the sound of skis scraping over rocks - you spell it for me!

(U2 - Street with no name - for all of us)
I want to ski, I want to ski hard
I want to tear down the piste in Brighton Utah
I want to reach out and ski down terrain
Where the piste has no name,
Where the piste has no name.

(Elvis - Please Release me - Bob Barnes)
Pre release me, let me go
I can't ski with you no mo'
To hit this rock would be insane
Pre release me and let me ski again.

Oboe's got himself a job
Brighton's being sued by Bob
He claims this rock jumped up at him
And then he landed on his chin

Pre release me, let me go
I can't ski with you no mo'
To hit this rock would be insane
Pre release me and let me ski again.

(Eagles - Lyin' eyes - Ydnar)
Deer Valley pros find the powder early
Skiing all their turns with pride and style
Some rich old clients and he won't have to worry
Accept their tips and leave them for a while

You can't hide your burning thighs
And your pain is no surprise
What you'll find in Randy's eyes
A man who'll laugh, but will also sympathize

(All Night Long - Lisa Marie)
There she skis down the piste
Smiling from her head to her feet
Whether in a tuck or on a bump
LM is hard to beat

(Beatles - Let It Be - Arcmeister)
When I find myself in mounds of powder
Arcmeister says to me
"flex your knees, round your turns, hands in front, ..."

And when I'm in the deepest moguls
Why's he right in front of me
There must be a reason
Let me ski

Let me ski, let me ski, let me ski, let me ski
There must be a reason
Let me ski.

(Traditional - Nobody knows you when you're down and out - AC)
Once I lived the life of a millionaire
Set up a WEB SITE, I didn't think to care
Went up to UTAH for a mighty good time
3.2 beer and screw top wine
And then I began to track so fast
My heels released, well I had me a blast
Hooked up with Kurt and Mary just for grins
Be back next season, we'll do it all again.

Nobody knows you, when you telemark
On your ski there's just one binding
And with each turn it keeps reminding
But when I get back on my feet again
Every turn is wierd - it never ends
It's mighty strange with your legs apart
Nobody knows you when you telemark.

(Born To Be Wild - Vail sno pro)
Looking for the powder
Under every lift line
Seeking all the stashes
In the gulleys and ravines
Yeeha, I'm thinking as I'm gliding
Fast and slinky through the bumps
CHGHGH - ouch - what was that
Oh shoot - took out a chunk

Setting up my work bench
Somewhere in the Silver Fork
Use it for a lecture
Regardless of the time
I like finely beveled edges
I like waxing sparingly
No more than 2 days between my tunes
That's my pride and joy

Born to be Filing ....

(Original - Spoken - Weems)
Pivot slips are difficult it seems
Except for a sno pro named WEEMS
While showing the class
He fell on his .... shoulder
But still he's a man of esteem!

Cliff Richard - Living Doll)
Got myself a skiing, singing, Epic-coaching Ziggyski
Gonna do my best to keep up in the bumps and round the trees
And even if I wipe out he'll get me back up on my feet
Got the one and only Epic-coaching Ziggy ski.

(Beatles - Nowhere Man - Nolo)
She's a real Nologirl
Skiing in her Nolo world
Making all her Nolo turns for EPICSKI

Nologirl, can't stop her
This is a lift - not a chopper!
CMH is way up North, not in Utah

(Beachboys - Let's Go Surfing Now - Sno mo)
Let's go fishing now
Sno mo gonna show us how
Breaking through the ice with his skis!

(America - I Need You - Bonni)
Said Bonni B, 'bout EPICSKI
With love and gratitude to Weems, said she
I used to wedge, I used to fall
Came to Brighton, now I do it all

Love to ski, love to ski.

(Doo Wah Ditty - Sno mo & Oboe)
There they ski just a shuffling their feet
Singing - "Can I ski this or should I sue"
Oboe and Sno mo scopin' out the steep
Singing - "Can I ski this or should I sue"

(James Taylor - Fire & Rain - TOG)
Just yesterday morning I left Ct. in a rush
AC's EPICSKI, my G-D it's true
Ground my bases, waxed my skis, and was gone
Just can't wait to ski with you.

I've skied snow and I've skied ice
I've skied foggy days that weren't very nice
I've skied with students that wouldn't take my advice
But my heart knew that EPICSKI was right

(King Of The Road - Kneale)
Straight skis for sale or rent
Skied on bumps, slightly bent
No brakes, this edge just went
The base has just one dent

Two hours of skiing blues
Means I've paid all my dues
I teach for EPICSKI, I'm
Kneale of the road.

(Lynard Skynard - Sweet Home Alabama - Tom Burch, et al.)
Big skis keep me turning
I'm fast and blind in the trees
Tom Burch keeps me learning
But I'm aching in my knees

I'm lost here in Utah
Don't know which way t'go
No ice here in Utah
Ain't Champagne, but it's snow

At Solitude they've got the Governor
He don't like EPCISKI
Gives us grief about our coaches
Goin up the road with glee

I'm lovin it here in Utah
Brighton is the placed to go
No ice here in Utah
Ain't champagne, but deep deep snow
Ain't champagne, but deep deep snow
Ain't champagne, but deep deep snow.

[ February 09, 2003, 08:55 PM: Message edited by: ziggyskier ]
post #2 of 29
Awsome tunes ,kinda makes me want to pull out the flat top.
It sounds like there was way to much fun had by all.
post #3 of 29
Thread Starter 
We did take a video for posterity, but I'm sure the performance (altough superb, says he toungue firmly embedded in cheek) was not - as they say - broadcast quality. Maybe we can open the festivities next time with this ditty as a reminder of what was and a motivator for what to come?! [img]graemlins/angel.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]
post #4 of 29
Beautiful. I hope you'll have an mp3 version out soon
post #5 of 29
As great as those lyrics read, I can honestly say:


Ziggy's performance of his rock-soap-opera at the Academy's gala last-evening feast was truly...Epic! Excellent work, Ziggy, Fox, and Randy (Ydnar)! You guys had us rolling on the floor. You are now the official Minstrel of EpicSki, and designated Minister of Amusements!


Best regards,
Bob Barnes

[ February 02, 2003, 04:55 PM: Message edited by: Bob Barnes/Colorado ]
post #6 of 29
Hear, hear!
post #7 of 29
We DId! We Did!
(and we will never be the same for it!)


[ February 02, 2003, 05:41 PM: Message edited by: vail snopro ]
post #8 of 29
You guys are Great! Thanks Ziggy, WTFH and Randy. Truely a moment to rejoice.
post #9 of 29
Are we going to have in the near future an MTV or GRAMMY award for
" Best skiing song " ????
post #10 of 29
I think we know who'd get the award. Great work, Ziggy, Fox and Ydnar - FUNNY!!!

. . . and Bob's right, you really had to be there, both to hear the music to which the lyrics were sung, and to know from whence they came.

[ February 06, 2003, 01:46 PM: Message edited by: oboe ]
post #11 of 29
guys that was really awesome- one of the best parts of the Academy
post #12 of 29
Ziggyskier: am starting to put 2 and 2 together in this small world and think, based on the picture of you in another Academy-related thread, you taught my 8-yr old during the January session of Copper Scooters. If so, then Liam wishes you to know that he is keenly disappointed you didn't come back for the February session! I skied with him two weeks ago, and immensely pleased with his progress since the start of the year, thanks to you. I am now rather disappointed to be down for the season with two torn clavicular ligaments from a high-speed fall at Copper last weekend. Need a good ski-related rehab program.
post #13 of 29
Thread Starter 
Yes DOC, that's me. Thanx for the kind words. Our kids programs are awesome here. [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img] FYI - talk to Lisa Marie about rehab.
post #14 of 29
The Don't Quit Yer Day Job Blues Band had it all....

Charisma, talent, looks, humor, and a decent grasp of how to keep us all howling for the duration of the show.

Kudos to Ziggy, Fox, and Ydnar for one of the BEST moments of the week.

post #15 of 29
Bonni, ***** PLEASE. The name of the band is the ESDQYDJB Band. You left out the first two words, so SHAME ON YOU!!!!

OK, that's enough shame for now - carry on. ttfn and ab
post #16 of 29
Did you say ***** PLEASE?????????


Why, oboe, I believe I have been a bad influence on you.
You need to hang with a better class of the citizenry.
post #17 of 29
Okay, here's another to Landslide:

Take this lift and ski right down
Cruise the groomers and I ski bumps now
And if you see my reflection in a snow covered hill
A yardsale brought me down

Oh I'd been afraid of changes
cause I was stuck in an a gaper's
But Weem's made us bolder
Who cares, I'm older
I can still act like a nut

Oh Nolo took her group out
on short skis
you could hear the ahs, the oohs and whees
but a rock somehow got under poor oboe's skis
A yardsale brought him down
post #18 of 29
UH OH- next year we'll have to give LM credits and her own segment of the show...

post #19 of 29
Oboe, did you really "Yardsale" in from of the group? Here we call people who yard sale, "Groomers"

That's ok. After skiing all the steep stuff at Squaw, chutes, rocks, cliffs, bumps, deep pow, ETC. I fell. Yup, in flat light cruising a cat track to the K2 lift I skied straight into a ditch right under the lift. Where Else?
post #20 of 29
Maybe you could cut a CD. The sales would make you rich and more than finance EPIC Ski. I can see it now even scholarships to the Academy...
On the other hand maybe I'm getting a little carried away.
The performance was great though. [img]smile.gif[/img]
post #21 of 29
Truth is, Lars, I was skiing in some untracked . . . um . . . just let's call it "untracked". And suddenly I heard a CRACK! and I went flying, as did both my skis. We can only guess that there was a rock under the "untracked". I was a fair number of yards downhill, my skis were back up hill. They saw one fly off onto the groomed, and the other was buried in the "untracked". Eventually, with the help of Fox Hat and Bob the Builder, the lost ski was found - but with a gouge out of the bottom that took master tuner Vail Snopro to repair [thanks, VSP!] My ankle hurt - still does - but I skied on. And that's the truth.

I was lucky - jamesdeluxe had a similar type of occurance at Snowbasin, and the result for him was a broken tibia. Just luck of the draw, and I count my blessings.

I will admit, though, if I had chosen to ski as slowly as Lisamarie, I probably wouldn't even have stubbed my toe.
post #22 of 29
Thread Starter 

I think maybe we should try to add a musical division to Bob Barnes' publishing company. Then the CEO of said company and the administrators of EPICSKI could fight and squabble over the royalty rights and through creative financing screw the artists (It could be the same person(s).) .... uh oh, is this too close to reality?

Never the less it was an overwhelming segment. My true 15 minutes of fame. thnx to all for the kudos. In true performer fashion I humbly say .... KEEP IT COMIN'!

Maybe I can start working on next years now by doing a zitz about the history of the event .... hmmmm [img]graemlins/evilgrin.gif[/img]

[ February 11, 2003, 04:49 AM: Message edited by: ziggyskier ]
post #23 of 29
I'll tell ya' though, there's definitely something to be said for skiing 8 days straight injury free, then back to a full aerobic schedule on monday! [img]tongue.gif[/img]
Its especially great when you know you were definitely NOT being easy on yourself!
post #24 of 29
Eight days on slope have definitely improved my skiing, thanks not only to the conditioning, but mostly to the Academy. I'm amazed at how easily I can bound up stairs and ski all day with no untoward effect, the ankle be damned. The lessons of the Academy are burned into my mind, and the improvement has occurred both during and AFTER the Academy - this definitely is a watershed in my skiing life. Before the Academy was then - and THIS is NOW! I will not hesitate to attend the 2004 EpicSki Academy wherever it may be held.

From what I've been told, Lisamarie and the other "Perfect Curves" had the same kind of break-throughs. A great name, by the way, for Lisa's group. For those of you who haven't yet met her, Lisamarie does look very, very fit [now don't get pissed at me, Mark, if you marry a woman in great shape, you need to expect this].
post #25 of 29
To give credit where credit is due: Skiing eight straight days just wouldn't have been the same without it. Can this be worked into the lyrics? hmmm . . . What rhymes with Ibuprofen?

[ February 11, 2003, 06:14 AM: Message edited by: oboe ]
post #26 of 29
AW SCHUCKS! [img]redface.gif[/img]

But seriously speaking, one of the side benefits of the academy, as you can probably tell from this thread, is that some of us have learned not to take oureselves so darn seriously!

And as for my speed,or lack thereof, Mark is upset since he can no longer start a trail with me, ski ahead, use the rest room, take the lift back up, ski down again, catch up with me, pass me..........
post #27 of 29
OK, just home about an hour ago, having been travelling since yesterday.

Living Doll by Cliff Richard was supposed to have been performed thus...

Got myself a skiing, singing, Epic-coaching Ziggyski
Gonna do my best to keep up in the bumps and round the trees
And even if I wipe out he'll get me back up on my feet
Got the one and only Epic-coaching Ziggy ski.

post #28 of 29
Originally posted by oboe:
For those of you who haven't yet met her, Lisamarie does look very, very fit [now don't get pissed at me, Mark, if you marry a woman in great shape, you need to expect this].
Yes, I had to accept that as one of the "inherent risks of the sport".

I think it was like those lift ticket waivers: agreed when you peel-off the covering [img]graemlins/evilgrin.gif[/img]
post #29 of 29
Mark! There IS a lawyer lurking in you [the lecherous part]! Welcome to the fraternity!
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