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Opposite of Heaven?

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 
One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in
despair, he had his first meeting with a demon.

The demon asked, "Why so glum?"

The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

"Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun down
here. You a drinking man?"

"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."

"Well, you're gonna love Mondays then On Mondays all we do is drink.
Whiskey, Scotch, Bourbon, Tequila, Guinness, wine. We drink till
we throw up and then we drink some more!"

The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great."

"You a smoker?" the demon asked.

"You better believe it!"

"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the
world and smoke our lungs out! If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already
dead, remember?"

"Wow, the guy said, "that's awesome!"

The demon continued. "I'll bet you like to gamble."

"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do."

"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker,
slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow. You into
drugs?"

The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . . ."

"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of
crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine.. You can do all the
drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"

"Wow," the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I never
realized Hell was such a cool place!"

The demon said, "You gay?"

"No."

"Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays!"
post #2 of 5
WHERE DO YOU FIND THIS STUFF?!
post #3 of 5
This guy is sent to hell and arrives to find everyone standing there sipping coffee while up to their necks in shit ....

Not too bad he thinks as the devil hands him a cup and implores him to join his cohorts!

After five minutes the devil blows a horn and shouts ...

"OK coffee break over, back on your knees! ... "

Probably the same seedy bar Bonni got hers .... before you ask ...
post #4 of 5
Thread Starter 
Hey, I don't go to seedy bars.......I get these from your wife!
post #5 of 5
Yuki, the punch line is, "Back on your heads!"

I've also heard that the devil comes around periodically...


...in a speedboat...

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