or Connect
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Goodbye, Mom

post #1 of 43
Thread Starter 
Tonight at 9:45, Jeff's mom died at home from cancer. She was 80 years old.

She was my inspiration more times than not lately, and when things got too heavy to carry, I'd think of her and the bravado she wore through her year long ordeal, and my burdens don't seem so bad. She's truly an angel.

I watched as they came and took her body away. It wasn't Mom, but the form she took on earth. She's still around. I can feel that.

I chronicled some of her trials in the Lounge (titled 'Non-political Thread'), if you care to read it.

Hospice is great, and I hope that I'm lucky enough to be at home when I die. While waiting for the funeral home to come and get her at 1 am, I sat alone with her and read this story in a book about dying that hospice left for us. I think it's a great time to share this.

By Henry Van Dyke:

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says, "There, she is gone!"

"Gone where?"

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says, "There, she is gone!", there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"

And that is dying.

Goodbye, Mom. Enjoy the next journey. We'll miss you. I'll take good care of your son, and we'll see you someday.
post #2 of 43
Bonni, my father died exactly 5 years ago yesterday. He was also exteremely close to me and also an angel.

Five years later I can say that although I often miss him, his passing was not a tragedy to me, how can something that happens to everyone be a tragedy? As you did, I got to spend time with him in his final months, and his suffering wasn't prolonged for too long.

She will always be with you. You are fortunate to have had her love.

My thoughts are with you.

post #3 of 43
My thoughts are with Jeff, you and the family in this difficult time. If there is anything I can do don't hesitate to let me know.
post #4 of 43
What a sad thing to lose someone you love.

What a great thing that she was able to leave footprints in your life, to make you smile. Find comfort in the impression those footprints made.
post #5 of 43
This will be a very sad time for you all to get through. Even when you know it's coming, it always seems to be sudden. My grandmother died this morning, and my mother is in hospital having surgery, so I have some idea of how you both are feeling.
post #6 of 43
We should all tuck the Van Dyke piece away ... thanks for sharing that .
post #7 of 43
My thoughts are with you and your family.
post #8 of 43
Bonni, my mother died at home from her cancer, with the aid of Hospice, on December 16th. You have my heartfelt sympathy.

Footprints are everywhere.
post #9 of 43
My mother died 8 years ago. She is no longer of the earth, but is in my mind, talking to me and through me. Sometimes I think I channel her.

She lives on in you and all who knew and loved her, Bonni.
post #10 of 43
You sound like a very fine daughter in law. I extend a hearty GOOD JOB to you and your husband. I lost my 85 yr old mom two months ago to Alzheimer's Disease. I shared similar end of life experiences with her. Being there for the last stage of life of an elderly loved one brings very satisfying closure to a full life, well lived. My mom was a skier and a ski-enabler who fostered a love of the sport in her children and numerous grandchildren. Faith and family are very comforting at a time of great loss, don't hesitate to seek solace from both. My dad is doing well and though he misses my mom, he is also enjoying a well deserved rest after a challenging final couple of years caring for her.
post #11 of 43
Bonni and Jeff, you have my sympathies.
post #12 of 43
Sorry to her of your mother-in-law's passing. You will experience every emotion from relief that she no longer is suffering to the heavy heart of missing some one you love. Allow yourself to grieve, also celebrate her long life and a job well done by you and Jeff. You have given many here the insight and ability to cope with situations similar to yours, thank you. Look forward to that day when Van Dyke's ship returns to port....
post #13 of 43


Sorry to hear of your and Jeff's loss. Our thoughts are with you. As JamesJ said, a hearty GOOD JOB to you and Jeff for all you've done.

post #14 of 43
I'm so sorry for your loss. My Mom died 3 weeks ago at age 84. Lung cancer claimed her. My prayers are with both you and your husband.
post #15 of 43
Jeff and Bonni,

I'm sorry to hear about your mom's passing, but she's in a better place now, and without the physical pain and limitations that her human form put on her. I'm sure she's watching over you now and saying Hi to lots of old friends.

FYI, my M-I-L passed away from lung cancer back in 95. She never smoked a day in her life. Unfortunately, she was in a hospital after trying to stay at home as long as possible, but for some reason (I don't know) she was in the hospital at the time.
post #16 of 43
The two of you have my heartfelt sympathy. I know that sending an internet message isn't much, but I hope it at least helps a little.

I lost my Mom in early Jan of this year to a stroke. She was 91.5 y.o., and, like you, we waited at 1 AM for them to take her body away. She had a good, long life, but there's never a good time to go.


Tom / PM
post #17 of 43
My condolances.
post #18 of 43
I add my prayers and support to you and Jeff.

post #19 of 43
Sorry for your loss guys. Hang in there.
post #20 of 43
Bonni....I too lost my mother many years ago and I still remember that day. It was breast cancer for her. During the first few days one of the saddest things was the thought that I would forget her.

Even tho it was 31 years ago I still think of her everyday and know that you and especially your husband will never forget her and all the great memories from when she was here. These memories will provide lifelong moments of rememberence that will bring a smile to your faces. God bless.
post #21 of 43
Bonni our thoughts are with you . Having lost both my parents and my in-laws i understand the depth of your feeling . Take heart in time you will reflect on all the great times you shared together with her and that a part of her lives on in you both
post #22 of 43
Bonni and skier_j, thank you for letting us into your lives so deeply. I share your pain. May you be inspired even in the midst of the pain.
post #23 of 43
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the kind thoughts everyone.

And to everyone who has lost a loved one recently (and in the past), our best goes out to you, also.

Epic Bears are the Best!
post #24 of 43
Sincerest condolences to you and Jeff.
post #25 of 43
Hospice is a blessing isn't it?

Hang in there guys. Thinking of you.
post #26 of 43
Condolences in your time of sorrow. You and your husband are now the "rocks" to carry on the good teachings and wonderful life of your MIL for the next generations. I know you'll miss her, but she's always in your hearts. Carry her love with you always.
post #27 of 43
Bonni and Jeff, My wife and I lost her brother in February. He was 53 and had pancreatic cancer for more than a year. He held on to life and took every opportunity for treatment. It was a long and difficult year and his passing was a relief, an end to his suffering. But now we miss him. Even though we know his suffering is over we experience profound loss. The healing has begun.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I hope that in healing you can also find time to celebrate her life. For me loss like this is a call to live for today.
post #28 of 43
I have you in my thoughts and prayers. I also appologize that I didn't see this sooner Bonni.
post #29 of 43
Thread Starter 
No apologies necessary at all, Lars.
Again, thanks everyone. Bears Rock!
post #30 of 43
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home