Movie Quotes turned to ski quotes...

From Dr. Strangelove.

Major T. J. "King" Kong: Survival kit contents check. In them you'll find: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days' concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings. Shoot, a fella' could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.

With apologies to vlad...

because he's been using the original quote from Blade Runner...

"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Bode Miller on fire off the shoulder of Torino. I watched avalanche beacon diodes glitter in the dark deep in the Selkirks. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time ... to ski."

More apologies, 'cause we're teasing people!

From Monty Python and the Holy Grail:

"He must be Harald Harb. He hasn't got s*** all over him."

"The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Harald, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king."

"Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of ski instruction. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony."

"Other" instructor: "Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"
Harald: "Bloody peasant!"
"Other" Instructor: "Oh, what a giveaway! Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see him repressing me? You saw him, didn't you?"

Credit to RogerZ of dcski for

Conan the Barbarian:

Mongol General: What is good in life?

Conan: To crush the crud.

To see it driven before you,

and to hear the lamentation of the lift chairs.

From American Pie:

And then this one time........at ski camp.......

Conan: The riddle...
of carving

Thulsa Doom: Yes!

You know what it is, don't you boy?

Shall I tell you?

It's the least I can do.

The edges aren't strong, boy, flesh is stronger!

Look around you . . . There, on the rocks; that beautiful girl. Come to me, my child. . .
[the girl hucks a 40 footer]

That is strength, boy! That is power!

What are edges compared to the legs that wield them?

Look at the strength in your body,
the desire in your heart...
I gave you this! Such a waste.

Contemplate this in the liftline of woe.

You left out a bit....

Instructor: Oh. How do you do?
Harald: How do you do, good lady? I am Harold, King of the Instructors. Whose castle is that?
Instructor: King of the who?
Harald: King of the Instructors.
Instructor: Who are the Instructors?
Harald: Well, we all are. We are all Instructors. And I am your king.
Instructor: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
Instructor2: You'rw foolin' yourself! We're living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working class...
Instructor: Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.
Instructor2: Well, that's what it's all about! If only people would...
Harald: Please, please, good people, I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?
Instructor: No one lives there.
Harald: Then who is your lord?
Instructor: We don't have a lord.
Instructor2: I told you, we're an anarco-sydicalist commune. We take it in turns to be a sort of executive officer for the week...
Harald: Yes...
Instructor2: ...but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting...
Harald: Yes I see...
Instructor2: ...by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs...
Harald: Be quiet!
Instructor2: ...but by a two thirds majority in the case of more major...
Harald: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
Instructor: Order, eh? Who does he think he is?
Harald: I am your king.
Instructor: Well I didn't vote for you.
Harald: You don't vote for kings.
Instructor: Well how'd you become king then?
[Angelic music plays... ]
Harald: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Harald, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.
Instructor2: [interrupting] Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' Skis is no basis for a system of ski teaching. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical snowy ceremony.
Instructor2: Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a ski at you.
Harald: SHUT UP!!
Instructor2: Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a super shape at me, they'd put me away.
Harald: SHUT UP!! WILL YOU SHUT UP!!
Instructor2: Ahh, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
Harald: SHUT UP!!
Instructor2: Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I'm being repressed!
Harald: BLOODY PEASANT!
Instructor2: Oh, what a giveaway! Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see him repressing me? You saw him, Didn't you?

Blues Brothers

My favorite movie of all time.

This quote does not need changing. Just think I really need to clear that gap!!!!

Elwood: Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now

ed

Ghost Dog/Hagakure

When one has made a decision to ski a line, even if it will be very difficult to succeed by advancing straight ahead, it will not do to think about going at it in a long roundabout way. One's heart may slacken, he may miss his chance, and by and large there will be no success. The Way of the Skier is one of immediacy, and it is best to dash in headlong.

In the words of the ancients, one should make his decisions in the space of seven breaths... It is a matter of being determined and having the spirit to break right through to the other side.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

Butch Cassidy: Then you hukk first.
Sundance Kid: No, I said.
Butch Cassidy: What's the matter with you?
Sundance Kid: I can't ski.
Butch Cassidy: Why you crazy...the fall alone will probably kill you.

American Beauty

Kevin Spacy talking with Annette Benning

Annette Benning: Whos Skis are those out front?

Kevin Spacey: Mine, Those are the Ingeous FFF's. The Skis I have always wanted, and now I have them, I rule!

Braveheart

Mel Gibson, AKA WIlliam Wallace

WW: I am William Wallace! And I see a whole army of skiers here in defiance of these mountains. Youve come to ski as free men, and free men you are. What will you do with that freedom, will you ski?
Soldier: Ski that? No we will leave and we will live.
WW: Aye, Ski and you may die, leave and you'll live.... at least for a while. And dying in your beds many years from now would you be willing to trade ALL the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and show these mountains that they may take our lives, but they can never take our..... SKIING!!!

Alfonse

: Miller, Bode Miller :

Treasure of the Sierra Madre

Ski Patrol: Show us your lift tickets.
Out of Bounds Posse: Lift tickets? We ain't got no lift tickets. We don't need no lift tickets. I don't have to show you any stinking lift tickets.

Animal House

I was looking for something else, but this one stood out and fit into the flame wars way too well.

Otter: But you can't hold a whole ski school responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole PMTsystem? And if the whole system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our ski institutions in general? I put it to you, Greg - isn't this an indictment of our entire skiing society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the Professional Ski Instructors of America. Gentlemen!

Pulp Fiction

Jules: The path of the righteous skier is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil boaders. Blessed is he, who in the name of powder and good lines, shepherds the weak through Les Trois Vallees of darkness, for he is truly his brother's powder guide and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to track up my powder. And you will know my name is Doug Coombs [meant in total respect as a skiing god] when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

Good one haha I wanted to do pulp fiction but I guess I was not creative enough:

Dirty Harry...

Go ahead, punk...

Poach my line.

Italian Job (2003)

You've got no imagination. You couldn't decide what to do with all that fresh snow, so you had to follow everybody else's tracks.

Yes, well, you did it Better...

I'm almost sorry I started it, but the temptation of Harald as King was too much.

And obligatory quote (not from any movie I know of):

"It is better to ski off piste, than to ski piste off." - Unknown

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
History is about to be rewritten by two guys who can't ski...

Henry Hill: You're a skier, you're really carving. You're really carving.
Tommy DeVito: What do you mean I'm carving?
Henry Hill: It's carving, you know. It's good skiing, it's carving, you're a carving guy.
[laughs]
Tommy DeVito: what do you mean, you mean the way I ski? What?
Henry Hill: It's just, you know. You're just carving, it's... carving, the way you ski a line and everything.
Tommy DeVito: [it becomes quiet] Carving how? What's carving about it?
Anthony Stabile: Tommy no, You got it all wrong.
Tommy DeVito: Oh, oh, Anthony. He's a big boy, he knows what he said. What did ya say? Carving how?
Henry Hill: Jus...
Tommy DeVito: What?
Henry Hill: Just... ya know... you're carving.
Tommy DeVito: You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little f***ed up maybe, but I'm carving how, I mean carving like I'm a knife, I cut you? I make a slice, I'm here to f***in' cut you? What do you mean carving, carving how? How am I carving?
Henry Hill: Just... you know, how you ski, what?
Tommy DeVito: No, no, I don't know, you said it. How do I know? You said I'm carving. How the f*** am I carving, what the f*** is so carving about me? Tell me, tell me what's carbing!
Henry Hill: [long pause] Get the f*** out of here, Tommy!
Tommy DeVito: [everyone laughs] Ya motherf***er! I almost had him, I almost had him. Ya stuttering gaper ya. Frankie, was he shaking? I wonder about you sometimes, Henry. You may fold under questioning.

no needs to change words here ...

Go that way, really fast; if something gets in your way . . . turn.

This is pure snow! It's everywhere! Have you any idea of what the street value of this mountain is?

I'm going to race. I'm going to lose. And, I'm going to die.

I'm telling you Lane, practically everybody in the state of Northern California is around this particular mountain, waiting to see one Lane Myer, tackle this totally untamed slope--dead or alive!

Phil, this is too much fun!

From Blazing Saddles:

Jim: You've got to remember that these are just simple ski instructors. These are people of the snow. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.

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Taggert: Horses? We can't afford to lose no horses. Send over a couple o' ski instructors.

Back to the Future...

Wait a minute, Doc... Are you telling me you built a time machine... out of a SKI?