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Best Gaper Sightings

post #1 of 283
Thread Starter 
Summity County, CO -- March 12, 2005

GAPERS ARE IN TOWN

It's official folks, the Gapers are in town for the month. In the last couple of weeks I have had a good chuckle or two when seeing folks in jeans with gaiters over them, a starter jacket emblazoned with a hometown sports team, sunglasses and earbands as a means of protection against blustery winter wind and snow.

But, yesterday ... I saw the two single best gapers so far this season:

lady gaper: she was on the most green of green terrain, making her wedge turns and she had a smile on her face -- one can pressume she was having a good time. behold ... what do I see? a fantastic new way to carry water on the mountain: this lady had some kind of pocket low on her ski pants -- near the top of the boot. I swear that at first I thought she had a 16 ounce bottle of water jammed into the front of her boot. as I got closer, I realized it was in a pant pocket. I called out to her, "I love your water bottle carrier." to which she replied, "Thanks y'all." RIGHT ON!

clueless gaper boy: it's 4pm and the end of the ski day and I need to rescue my stuff from the locker, so I have skied down, taken the skis off and am making my way into the building. in front of me is a guy -- late teens/early twenties?? -- on his board ... one leg is loose and he's pedalling ... you guessed it ... he's pedalling down the sidewalk, across the metal snow grate at the front of the building and into the building onto the tile floor. I finally said, "Dude, (you have to say Dude so the snowboarder knows you're talking to them) that's REALLY bad for your board." Why did I say it? Because surprise, surprise the board was not a rental. He did not acknowledge me, but he did bend over (exposing his totally snowpacked butt and back) and unstrap.

We have three more weeks of this fun ... I can't wait to see what's next!
post #2 of 283
For some reason they all involve a pair of skiboards. Strange how things work out like that.
post #3 of 283
1) over 75% of posts by people joining EpicSki in the past 2 years
2) over 95% of posts on Paula's Ski Lovers
3) over 95% of posts on PMTS.forum

these are the highest GAPER concentrations I'm aware of, and your sightings are likely to be increased exponentially in each locale.

but they sure made Crested Butte a whole lot friendlier for the GAPERS! http://forums.epicski.com/showthread.php?t=38795
post #4 of 283

Lack O' Gapers

We had a very noticable lack of gapers at my ski area yesterday. It was our last day open, it was 55 degrees and raining. I love the kind of people you get on days like that. Even the kid skiing by himself, making power wedge turns down our only bump run (coral reef, at that) in a temporary torrential downpour was a total class act. It may not have been sunny with bathing suits and tank tops, but there is something oddly satisfying about days like that.
post #5 of 283
Are you sure its not 97% on the PMTS forum? Good statistics U.C. I'd be interested to see how you arrived at this. Personally, I've never seen Paula's and what portion of people joining EpicSki before 2-years ago are gapers anyway?

Quote:
Originally Posted by uncle crud
1) over 75% of posts by people joining EpicSki in the past 2 years
2) over 95% of posts on Paula's Ski Lovers
3) over 95% of posts on PMTS.forum

these are the highest GAPER concentrations I'm aware of, and your sightings are likely to be increased exponentially in each locale.

but they sure made Crested Butte a whole lot friendlier for the GAPERS! http://forums.epicski.com/showthread.php?t=38795
post #6 of 283
Thread Starter 
*sigh* hijacked already!
post #7 of 283
BobbyChicken over on the "Cottonwood Canyons Comparison" thread.
post #8 of 283
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cirquerider
Are you sure its not 97% on the PMTS forum? Good statistics U.C. I'd be interested to see how you arrived at this. Personally, I've never seen Paula's and what portion of people joining EpicSki before 2-years ago are gapers anyway?
the same reliable source that enabled Mr SCSA to be better than 97% of all skiers on the hill, Cirquerider! the amazing human imagination and power to generate wild fantasy!
post #9 of 283
Seriously, come ski in the South for the best gaper action. Rednecks and snow are an interesting mix. When I first moved down here from New England, I was shocked. Now it's just part of the entertainment.

My best gaper sightings, which are recurring, involve people wearing sub-zero ski clothes when it's warm out. Even when I was skiing in a T-shirt a couple weeks ago (50F day), people were getting on the chair with thick insulated jackets zipped all the way up, hats, neckwarmers, and even face masks. Boggles the mind.
post #10 of 283
I really don't mind gapers at all..... everyone starts somewhere. However, I did get a chuckle the other day from the guy with his lift ticket simply stuck on the chest of his denim jacket.
post #11 of 283
Quote:
Originally Posted by skier219
My best gaper sightings, which are recurring, involve people wearing sub-zero ski clothes when it's warm out. Even when I was skiing in a T-shirt a couple weeks ago (50F day), people were getting on the chair with thick insulated jackets zipped all the way up, hats, neckwarmers, and even face masks. Boggles the mind.
Come out to San Francisco. On any given day, you'll find a great % of people covered head-to-toe like they're in Iceland.

You'll also see a huge number of tourists all in fleece that they bought at Fishermans' Warf because they packed all summer clothing because they thought California was actually warm.

I guess SF is the gaper capital of the world.
post #12 of 283
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastbay
Come out to San Francisco. On any given day, you'll find a great % of people covered head-to-toe like they're in Iceland.

You'll also see a huge number of tourists all in fleece that they bought at Fishermans' Warf because they packed all summer clothing because they thought California was actually warm.

I guess SF is the gaper capital of the world.
The coldest winter of my life was a summer I spent in San Francisco
-- Mark Twain
post #13 of 283
Thread Starter 
lift ticket stuck directly to jean jacket is a great one!
post #14 of 283
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastbay
You'll also see a huge number of tourists all in fleece that they bought at Fishermans' Warf because they packed all summer clothing because they thought California was actually warm.

I guess SF is the gaper capital of the world.
Thats hillarious, as I was one of those gapers,once.

I got off the plane in LA and then drove to San Francisco. I was so pissed, as I flew three thousand miles to California and there I was freezing my butt off...this was when I used to vacation in warm places.
post #15 of 283
We get a good load of gapers up at Snocrummy Pass as it's close to town and relatively affordable. A couple weeks back I was there on a Sunday with a friend whose 5 year old was in lessons. I saw a guy in a blaze orange body suit complete with belt. Same day I saw a similar outfit but all fluorescent yellow with purple and teal shoulder patches and a yellow ballcap to top it off. I know the fluorescent stuff is coming back but not like this!



Two weeks ago skiing at Crystal I saw two guys in full duck hunting gear - one had a shotgun shell bag hanging from his waist. Their gear was circa 1988 rear entry boots, long straight skis, all low end. I watched to see if by some miracle they were good skiers. They slowly skied into an area of roughly 8" of new snow, lost their balance and both fell. They were basically trapped because it was a flat section and their poles sunk in too far to push themselves up. I was about to offer help (verbally) until I notice some friendly free-heelers come to the rescue.



I still see the guys in Scotchguarded jeans and Starter jackets and wonder how they can stand it. God love 'em!
post #16 of 283
you bigheaded city folks baggin' on "rednecks" ought to watch what you say. I know quite a few redneck cowboys who can out-ski an awful lot of people. a few of 'em probably don't even own a necktie. the horror! they might not even know the "Labor Day fashion rule" so well known to urban sophisticates, and therefore might wear something that Some Snooty Old Bird would scoff at.

those rednecks. so danged inferior to those urban sophisticates. those urban sophisticates are the pinnacle of human culture! and the rednecks? send 'em off to die in Iraq, who cares? they are just fungible human fodder for the economic engine that drives the urban sophisticate lifestyle!

I learned to ski in scotchguarded jeans with gaiters covering the boot top/pant leg gap. I grew up in a blue collar house. and I don't pretend that my experience in the "urban sophisticate" cultural circles makes me any better... and might even argue that it hurt my personal development. I would dare to say that more "rednecks" than "urban sophisticates" know what human interaction is about, and spend less time "trying to work an angle" on you.

the only thing I admire about "urban sophisticates" is that they're less inclined to settle matters with a fist fight, and less inclined to "prove their manhood" with acts of mortal recklessness.
post #17 of 283
Quote:
Originally Posted by uncle crud
... send 'em off to die in Iraq, who cares? they are just fungible human fodder for the economic engine that drives the urban sophisticate lifestyle!
Jeez, now I feel guilty for living inside the city limits. I'm wearing jeans next time I ski.
post #18 of 283
Quote:
Originally Posted by klkaye
lift ticket stuck directly to jean jacket is a great one!
(through a clenched jaw, he said...)

at praaaaah-paaah ski resoooooooaaaahhts we don't have to bothaaaaaaah with that tiaaaaaaaaaahhhrsome adheeesive lift pass. you poooah poooah uh-people!
post #19 of 283
Thread Starter 
UC ... I'm not talking about how people dress per se. I'm talking about the "clueless" behavior. Would your cowboy skiing friends ever stick a lift ticket directly to their coat or try to put a ski boot on over their ski boot (that's one the funniest damn stories I have ever heard)???

Relax ... we're not making fun of clothes, we're making fun of purely clueless behavior.
post #20 of 283
I am relaxed. I am simply surprised that it seems to me beyond observing clueless behavior if the description requires indicating the relative urbanity of the clueless person. I mean, I have known boatloads of clueless urbane people, as well as well-educated people who even would brag on their IQ combined with "street smarts," and both kinds of urbanity reveal the same tendency to be foolish! as any of us!

foolishness relies on the fool, not on the fool's clothing. only a truly urban snob would consider the fool's clothing part of the foolishness to be mocked.:
post #21 of 283
Re: The 75% gaper-posts that have polluted Epicski in the past two years...

How else are us dumb gapers supposed to learn the error of our ways if not by hanging out where all you "COOL" people are?:
post #22 of 283
Quote:
Originally Posted by uncle crud
(through a clenched jaw, he said...)

at praaaaah-paaah ski resoooooooaaaahhts we don't have to bothaaaaaaah with that tiaaaaaaaaaahhhrsome adheeesive lift pass. you poooah poooah uh-people!
Sounds like Biff Biffington has got his cashmere sweater knotted a little too tightly around his shoulders
post #23 of 283

Best Gaper in NY

Spotted him at Bristol Mtn a week ago.... full neon green suit matching 80's vintage skis and boots with a shaved head. Beautiful.... I hear he works for the highway department off season... anyway If you ski on a set of old leafsprings, duct taped to brown felt packed Sorrel boots, and broken laundry line poles........you might be a red neck. ... That didn't come from no city slicker, just try'n to keep things in perrrrspktiv.
post #24 of 283
Gaper bashing isn't my bag, but I did see a lady skiing while talking on her cell phone the other day: head down, one hand on the phone, the other covering her other ear and holding her poles, snowplowing down a crusty cruiser, completely oblivious. I think she deserved a nuclear dope slap, but then I'm feeling particularly judgmental tonight. :
post #25 of 283

i think I'm with UC

I really don't get all these stupid "oooooh I saw a beginner today!!" threads...big freakin' deal. I'm a redneck, my clothes have duct tape on them... does any one really care? Probably look like a big dork most days, so what? Grew up with jeans and gaitors and a big awful puffy purple jacket, looked like a big grape on the slope...big deal. As long as someone doesn't slam the bar on my head or ski into me, i really could care less what they wear on the slopes. Who really cares if the guy had his ticket plastered on his forehead!!! Exactly the kind of snobs I hope don't ski up this way.

Yes, there are beginners on the slopes. Hey, they're everywhere! People who try to fix their own cars who can't tell a battery from a lug nut, and people who don't know which end of the horse to mount and are dressed like dudley doright, and golfers dressed like, well who knows what they're dressed like...but jeez, they're just having fun! It's great to be a beginner! Put your ego aside and actually be willing to be uncoordinated and silly!! And just tune out the snotty folk who are worried about exactly where you put your ticket and if you "deserve" to wear your suit or whatever.
Off rant.
post #26 of 283
I think everyone needs to keep a sense of humor about themselves. And if you're taking this thread too seriously, yes, I mean YOU!
post #27 of 283
How many of you pretend to be a beginner going over the edge of something really steep then let it rip about 3 turns in?

Ever just say loudly, "Damn, that looks crappy and steep. Well, it's my second day, I think I'll give it a shot!"

Extra credit for any number of people over 6 standing on the lip debating the ride down when you start in......
post #28 of 283
Well that went to sour grapes. Then there's the other end of the spectrum. Exotic skis, high dollar clothing, look out I'm dare I say it, Core.: When I see someone skiing naked then I'm impressed.
post #29 of 283
Quote:
Originally Posted by klkaye
Summity County, CO -- March 12, 2005

GAPERS ARE IN TOWN
It's way more annoying to me when newbie "locals" make fun of tourists. A friend of mine just moved back to Breck after living in Texas for a couple years and he can barely drive his truck around Summit County with his Texas plates because of the way "locals" treat him on the road. It's pretty sickening.
post #30 of 283
Lest we forget that we were all gapers at one time.

How many of you ride the lifts and make fun of the "less than" skiers you see coming down the slopes?

I get a kick out of the flatlanders who move into the Lake area here and buy up all the cottages, turn them into million dollar homes then attend zoning hearings trying to stop someone else from doing the same.
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