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post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 
Probably an urban legend, but it crossed my e-mail and it's too good to not pass on.


Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a Worst Job Experience contest. Needless to say, she won. Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office; a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats the water to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony, I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, "Is this a jellyfish bad day?"
post #2 of 5
Reminds me of a story a clinical mycologist told me from the early days of HIV/AIDS when there weren't any meds...

Seems a guy who had AIDS liked to collect wild mushrooms with his partner, but had then developed headaches and an itchy palate. Eventually the roof of his mouth developed a painful split in it and he went to the doctor. When the doctor examined his mouth and shone a light up against the man's palate, he saw starting to poke through - the fruiting body of a mushroom!

Since the guy had no immunity, the mushroom spores had taken root in his sinuses and were slowly eating his head like a rotten log.:

For a long time my motto during a rough day was " Well, at least I don't have mushrooms eating my head".:
post #3 of 5
FRAU, that is the sickest thing I've ever heard. Well, not quite true, there was this lady with a sprouting potato..........but we won't go into that!!!:
post #4 of 5
Sounds very similiar to the victims of heavy radiation at Chernobyl.

With nothing left to fight off infection or any resistance, they were in essence choking on massive fungal growths on their tongues.
post #5 of 5
I wonder if the diver was married to my sister. Post divorce she loved to tell of doing her soon to be-ex's wash in with a few shredded cigarette filters and the fiberglass drapes.

He was a lineman for the power company and she did this to his long undies in the winter.
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