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Excuses, excuses...

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
A middle aged man bought a brand new convertible Porsche. He took off down the road, pushed it up to 100mph and was enjoying the wind blowing through his hair.

"This is great," he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed.
But when he eventually looked in his mirror there was a Police Car behind him, blue lights flashing.

"I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he floored it some more, and flew down the road at over 150mph to escape being stopped.

Then he thought, "What the hell am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the Police car to catch up with him.

The Policeman pulled in behind the Porsche and walked up on the driver's side.

"Sir, my shift ends in five minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before as to why you were speeding, I'll let you go."

The man looked back at the Policeman and said, "Last week my wife ran off with a Policeman and I thought you were bringing her back."

The Policeman said, "Have a nice day."
post #2 of 7
A good one!
post #3 of 7
A fellow is coming over a birdge in his Porsche; at the base of the bridge, a policeman has his radar gun at the ready and he knows he is nailed, he must think fast!

Cop ... "Speeding huh? Pretty fast too, I suppose you were rushing to the hospital?

Guy ... "That's right officer, I was on my way to the hospital."

Cop ... "And what is it that you DO at the hospital that's so critical?

Guy ... "My specialty is proctological expansion"

Cop .... "And what the hell does a proctological expander do?"

Guy ... (reddens slightly) .. "I make ... well, I , I, I stretch peoples ass hol_s!"

Cop ... "You stretch *** holes? By how much?

Guy ... "Usually just a few inches, but we can do larger.

Cop ... "Like a few feet?"

Guy ... "Er, yeah, we can do a few feet"

Cop ... "Can you do three feet?"

Guy ... "Three isn't that hard at all!"

Cop .... Well, what's the largest *** hole you've ever done?

Guy ... "Pretty large, about five feet, eight inches!"

Cop ... "And just what is it you do with an *** hole that large?

Guy ... "We just give em' a radar gun and sit em' near a bridge!"
post #4 of 7
Thread Starter 
Yuki, I thought that looked familiar...
post #5 of 7


At least I have an excuse.

An aging mind with a few less cells firing each day.

At least that's the excuse ... the good news is that I usually forget things that I would normally be pissed about for weeks.
post #6 of 7
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by Yuki
I usually forget things that I would normally be pissed about for weeks.

That's cause you're a man.
post #7 of 7
I heard about a state police contest in Indiana years ago where cops turned in the most creative excuses they had heard from speeding drivers. The winner was a guy who was pulled over with a bunch of screaming kids in the back. He told the cop, "Sorry, officer. I was just trying to stay ahead of the noise."

Also, an old friend of mine who drives around the West as a ski industry rep, got pulled over in New Mexico. While the copy was walking up along side, my friend quickly put his border collie (Ruby Begonia) into the driver's seat and put goggles on her face. Then he rolled down the window and apologized to the cop. "I told her not to drive so damn fast!" The cop busted a gut laughing and let him go.
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