Thursday Humor (TH)- Kidding Michigan (Or Any Other State) Part 2Many of these examples can be forwarded to your friends from any state/university by just changing the names of the local towns/neighboring states, local drinks/food and local teams.
KIDDING MICHIGAN & ITS COLLEGE TEAM (WOLVERINES) PART 2
Q. Why do birds fly upside down over Michigan?
A. There’s nothing worth crapping on.
Q. What do you get when you cross a Michigan fan with a pig?
A. Nothing. There are some things a pig just won’t do.
Q. Why is Michigan toilet paper 400 feet long?
A. 399 feet are instructions.
Q. How do you get a Michigan graduate off your porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza.
Q. What does it say on the back of every Michigan diploma?
A. “Will work for food”
Q. Why did the Michigan team bus turn around when it got to Ohio stadium?
A. Because the sign said “stadium left” so they did.
Q. What does every Michigan graduate say to every Ohio state graduate when they come face to face?
A. Would you like fries with that?
Q. Why does Michigan stadium have astro-turf?
A. So the cheerleaders won’t graze.
Q. What do you call a pretty girl on Michigan’s campus?
A. A visitor.
Q. How many pallbearers would be needed for a Wolverines funeral?
A. Two. A garbage can only has two handles.
Q. What is blue and yellow and has two teeth?
A. The front row at Michigan stadium.
Q. Did you hear they outlawed “the wave” in Michigan?
A. Two Wolverines drowned.
Q. How do you get a Michigan coach out of a tree in Ohio?
A. Cut the rope.
Q. What do you call a dead pig on a tractor that won’t start?
A. Michigan’s homecoming parade.
Q. How do you break a Michigan student’s finger?
A. Punch him in the nose.
Q. What is the difference between Michigan’s homecoming queen and an elephant?
A. One does tricks for peanuts, the other is gray and lives in a zoo.
Q. What do you call a Michigan football player with half a brain?
Q. Why does the wife of a Michigan coach put his fruit loops on a plate?
A. Because if they were in a bowl he’d lose them.
Q. How many Michigan students does it take to eat an opossum?
A. Three. One to eat; two to watch for cars.
Q. How many Michigan football players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One, but he gets a degree in electrical engineering to do it.
Q. What is the definition of a Wolverine?
A. A rat with vd.
Q. What do you call a Michigan football player with a diploma?
A. A cheat.
Q. What did the Michigan coach do when he locked his keys in his car?
A. He used a coat hanger to get his family out.
Q. What is the first thing a Michigan cheerleader does in the morning?
A. Goes home.
Q. What is the most confusing day in Michigan?
A. Father’s day.
Q. What is a Michigan diploma actually used for?
A. Handicap parking.
Michigan coach asked one of his players what he will be when he graduates. the player said “forty”.
Michigan basketball fans believe a fast break is what the players do after leaving the local 7-11 without paying.
To graduate, Michigan football players must complete a course in “trash talk”.
Every incoming Michigan football player is assigned a personal bail bondsman in Ann Arbor.
Michigan considered changing their official fight song to “jailhouse rock”.
Michigan takes pride that nearly 67 percent of its former players have been granted parole before the end of their sentence.
Michigan players smoke so much grass that once a month they have to get their stomachs mowed.
The Michigan campus bookstore even has marijuana flavored mouthwash.
Michigan coaches quit trying to recruit players from high school. Instead, they just wait outside juvenile detention centers and sign players there.