or Connect
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Quanta gripe sheet

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs
on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the
next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by
Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded
(marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never
had an accident.
... Enjoy!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And the best one for last.................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on
something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget
post #2 of 4
Isn't Quanta's the only major airline to never have a crash?
post #3 of 4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rio
Isn't Quanta's the only major airline to never have a crash?
Qantas (to give it it's proper name) WAS the only major airline never to have a JET crash, until after Rainman came out (which was when Dustin Hoffman stated that fact)
There had been 5 or 6 in the 50s, but these were all turboprops. Then in 1999, this happened:
http://www.avweb.com/news/news/184281-1.html
(I think there's been one more since then)

And if you are wondering, it stands for:
Queensland
And
Northern
Territories
Air
Service
post #4 of 4
Quant ... Qrinon .... whatever ... no U is God unnatural ....

You know who I mean!

1927 ... pilot and two passengers killed in a DeHaviland .9C
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Humour and Fun Stuff