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The Epic Non-Expert Ski Club

post #1 of 164
Thread Starter 
I hereby am forming the Epic Non-Expert Ski Club. My membership qualifications are as follows:

For a number of years my Salomon Pocket Rockets (known under a number of aliases on Epic such as blue noodles, popsicle sticks, etc.), mounted with Freeride AT bindings, were my primary ski both in-bounds and out-of-bounds. They have now been relegated to back-country and or boot packing/carrying ski status.

My current primary in-bounds ski is the Atomic Metron B5. Enought said.

As these 2 skis have uniquely been given gaper status here on Epic and elswhere. As such, I think my qualifications are well substantiated.

If you wish to join the club please post your qualifications.
No Posers Please!
post #2 of 164
I'll nominate myself. Nobody who is really an expert could possibly post race times as slow as mine.

Add to that that I can't non-stop ski a bump run, and that trees scare the heck out of me, and I think we're pretty much set!
post #3 of 164
I fully admit to not being an expert in spite of my NASTAR times (best in state due to only woman in state skiing NASTAR at my advanced age). Trees worry me -- for some reason not being able to see what is around the other side of that tree concerns me. Bumps I have a preference for certain types (not the huge icy Volkswagen type). Powder more than a foot deep I find challenging, but have never lost a ski and had to go looking for it. And there is a certain speed above which all my brains start screaming, "If you fall NOW, you'll DIE!". In spite of all these fears, I try to do most things eventually (won't jump off a cliff anymore than I'd jump off my deck, though).
post #4 of 164
I'll self-nominate because I haven't yet even been ON a bump-run!

I also own ONE pair of skis - that were picked out for me by someone else.
post #5 of 164
Highway Stars need not apply!
post #6 of 164
As a full-fledged member of the 'friends of gravity' club, I think I qualify for this group too. For me, out-of-bounds applies to stuff that happens on the football field, and bumps? Just look at my ankles and shins sometime!
post #7 of 164
I SUCK!

Am I in?
post #8 of 164
To anyone who skis with me, my qualification will be painfully obvious...
post #9 of 164
I am going to nominate myself because I don't ski that much...As you can see from my profile I live at the beach...People who live so far away can't get very good at (snow)skiing.

I tried three "pipes" and did ok with them...but I didn't see what the big deal was...The pipes I went in was the one at Haystack (VT) that goes under the road.....the one at Wintergreen that goes under the road and the one in Vail that takes you back to the ski school hill under a trail at Golden Peak...None were too much fun and REALLY NOISY in there !
post #10 of 164
Well, that does it. If Uncle isn't an expert, I'm a punter. I feel better, now.
post #11 of 164
I'm in.

Jack of all trades, master of none!
post #12 of 164
My then 17 year old step-son-to-be told me last year after seeing me ski a run fairly well "you've finally learned how to ski!"

'nuff said. I'm in!
post #13 of 164
That's the club for me. I'm a CC: Cowardly Crock.
post #14 of 164
Until last year I skied xscreams; when I ski trees, I scream. Do I qualify?
post #15 of 164
Sorry. Can't join. I'm too good.
post #16 of 164
I'm still not totally convinced that my ancient 208 SG skis are not the best "All-mountain" skis available. Do I qualify?
post #17 of 164
Quote:
Originally Posted by crank
Sorry. Can't join. I'm too good.
At what?
post #18 of 164
can I joine the group? I spend most of my time on Western NY "mole hills" and since I race I don't know how to have fun while I ski. I detest the sport and Im planning on being a beginner snowboarder in the near future, just because I can't imagine having as much fun as all the Highway Stars on the mountain. I also see myself as a supporter of this group to keep them from being attacked by all of the "other" experts out there. I don't own Metrons, but I do own 4 pairs of slalom skis, and a pair of Xscreams.
Later
GREG
post #19 of 164
I believe that I should be allowed admission to the club because:
  1. I currently ski in a fart bag,
  2. I live nowhere near a ski resort (580km) at an altitude of 30',
  3. I am at a disadvantage being Australian,
  4. Up until August '05, I was still skiing on my 1989 Volkl P9 203's,
  5. My quiver numbers exactly three (my Blizzard SL's are several years older than the Volkl's) and
  6. I haven't bthered to "mouth off" in the expert skier thread.
Enough to be welcomed?
post #20 of 164
I know I am in. When I went to buy my first set of skis I convinced myself I would get the best deal on skis regardless. I walked out with 188 Elan stillettos for 90 bucks and marker bindings. Needless to say at places like Hunter mountain in NY lots of people laughed at me. I skied on those womens skis for two years. I still feel they were the best deal on skis I may ever see, I loved skiing them.
post #21 of 164
Is there something about Pocket Rockets that help to qualify? If so then I might be in. I have been skiing PR's inbounds for a couple of years, had lots of fun on the groomed slopes of Park City and Deer Valley. Maybe it is permitted because I ski a lot of crud at Crystal Mountain, WA.

Then I got a second pair of PR's this summer and put Naxo touring bindings on them. I guess this would make me a real Noodler (capital 'N"). I am not a hucker or a downhill racer... I just noodle down the hill... ha ha..
post #22 of 164
EXCELLENT, Si!

I love it.

My qualifications:

1. Even 20 years ago, I didn't consider myself an expert and I definitely can't ski as well now as I could then.

2. Little kids routinely pass me on blue runs.

3. My favorite "all-mountain" skis have a 63mm waist and don't even come up to my nose.

4. Watching real expert skiers causes my eyes to pop out and my jaw to drop.

Long live non-experts!
post #23 of 164

Touron?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Uncle Louie
I am going to nominate myself because I don't ski that much...As you can see from my profile I live at the beach...People who live so far away can't get very good at (snow)skiing.
Guess that means we can officially call you a "Touron" when you come to visit?

Now about that pipe-I thought you carried one in your pocket-oh, never mind-wrong type of pipe.

Day 9 tomorrow Uncle Louie!!!
post #24 of 164

Non-Expert Club

I feel much better being in "the" club. I have felt really out of sorts for not having the necessary prerequisites to take part in the high level experts threads. Some of this inside leg first stuff just absolutely confuses me into stupors of technicalities - ugh. JUST DO IT. SO being recognized as a club member of this non expert group of skiers is a real honor. I still hesitate at the top of chair 23 before I get into Drop Out, check for NO ICE on the backsidce of Headwall at Squaw and make sure theres enough snow in one man chute at Kirkwood. I refuse to ski the top steeps of any mountain in the ice AND when I get lost and find myself on a steep slope I DO NOT think about my inside ski and which turns first (femor, knee or ankle) I just hang on and go for it. I'M not an expert just a very avid skier (for 40 years) and to really help with my membership application I own Atomic Metron B5 ski's and love them. Its snowing in Northern Idaho as I enter this app for a great club.
post #25 of 164
Can't wait to see what the TGR maggots think when they find this thread
post #26 of 164
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blaise
Up until August '05, I was still skiing on my 1989 Volkl P9 203's
You almost had it. But, then you said this. If you could make those skis really work, you're very talented.
post #27 of 164
Quote:
Originally Posted by SkiMangoJazz
Can't wait to see what the TGR maggots think when they find this thread
Is it that boring over there?
post #28 of 164
Can I join. I am really out of shape!
post #29 of 164
I am known to ski powder on skinny skis.
Lets see, weight back, hands below waist, tilt camera so it looks like a putting green.....
post #30 of 164
Does not understanding the recent comment about 'A pack of angry metron owners' qualify me?
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